hummus!

Pay attention, because I am going to show you how to make the creamiest hummus, ever.

There is a secret...

You see, most people think hummus is basically mashed chickpeas, evoo, and garlic. Which it is, but it is so much more.

A can of white beans more.

That's the secret, kiddos: half chickpeas, half white beans. You see, when people say "I don't like hummus," what they really mean is "hummus tastes too strongly of chickpeas."

To start, decide whether you want to use roasted garlic, raw garlic, or both. I only use raw, and I recommend using at least a little raw garlic to give it that bite. I use at least 1 large whole bulb of garlic per 2 quarts; this might be too much for many American bellies. Don't be scared by the three to-be-roasted bulbs below; this photo is from earlier when I made a massive loaf of roasted garlic bread. While there are terracotta garlic roasters on the market, they require firing up an entire oven. Unless you're also baking bread (or haven't unpacked your garlic roaster yet), just place garlic bulbs on a sheet of tinfoil, drizzle with evoo, close, and pop in the toaster oven.

Once the garlic is done, dump the beans, any garlic, and evoo in a food processor. If you are using canned beans, be sure to rinse. Process until you think it is done, then push the button again. You want it to look velvety and creamy.

Remove the blades and give the bowl to the handsome Lab to lick if you did not use any garlic. Anything above a miniscule amount of garlic is toxic for dogs. I'm making a very large batch here with a small food processor, and let him have the bowl only after a final bean-only whirl.

Look at that tongue action!
Apologies to those who arrived here by Googling "tongue action." You're probably disappointed.

I hope this hummus makes up for it.

I think it will.
Transfer from food processor to mixer. Add in red chili flakes, Bragg's aminos and salt (or just salt), pepper, cumin, (all to taste) and whip. Then add just enough evoo to reach the desired consistency.
Whip. A lot. And then whip some more. Try to play around with your shutter speed, realize you have yet to get a decent photo from evil kitchen lighting, and then go wipe hummus splatters from your lens.

And just when you think you're done, add in some fresh lemon juice. I use the juice of one lemon per 2 quarts of hummus - enough for a little brightness, but not enough to really taste the lemon. Use fresh lemon juice from, you know, a lemon. Do not even think of using bottled juice, or I'll...I'll spank you with my spatula.

Again, apologies to those who arrived here by Googling "spank me with your spatula." I think this hummus will make up for it, though.

Slice off a hunk of garlic bread, warm from the oven, if you made it.
Slather it with hummus. Don't be shy.

NOTE: I made this hummus too thin. See how it is dripping off the bread? If this happens to you, just add more beans and adjust the spices accordingly.

***
Usefulness of the day: Raw garlic really is a wonderful thing. (I could make a True Blood or Twilight joke here, but I still have nightmakes from Interview with the Vampire. Darn you, overactive imagination!) Among the myriad health benefits of garlic is its ability to boost the immune system. If you feel a cold coming on, press 3-4 cloves of raw garlic over soup or a salad for a day or two. The goodness of garlic is nearly destroyed by cooking, so be sure to enjoy it raw. Also, if you want to add garlic to your daily diet, start low: it might take a little while for your belly to get accustomed to it.