1. Put the ASPCA's pet poison control hotline in your phone. The number is (888) 426-4435 and there is usually a $65 fee. I can't say enough about their hotline; having called it so many times I half-expect them to answer, wearily, "hello, Jack's mom." A vet - not a trained operator - answers quickly, you take care of billing after you get the dog stabilized, and you can call back as many times as you want for the same case.
2. Know the fastest way to a vet ER. Program it into your GPS and have it plugged into your phone.
Drugs
Depending on what the toxin is, contact a vet before administering! Some substances are more dangerous if vomited - acidic, alkaline, and petroleum products, for example.
3. Have fresh hydrogen peroxide (3% USP) on hand to induce vomiting...from experience, I can say that "tickling" the back of the throat does not work!
4. Activated charcoal tablets to absorb toxins
5. Benadryl pills (anti-histamine only)
6. Milk of Magnesia to counteract acids
7. White vinegar to counteract alkalines
8. OTC vet anti-anxiety/sedative
Tools
9. Scissors
10. Good tweezers
11. Turkey baster
12. Needleless syringe (same kind you might find attached to pediatric cough syrup)
13. Eyedropper
14. Rectal thermometer
15. Muzzle
16. Duct tape
17. Penlight
18. Q-tips
19. Tablespoons
20. Large Ziploc bags for storing any samples
Other supplies
20. Beach towels
21. Paper towels
22. Sterile gauze
23. Athletic bandages
24. Blanket or dropcloth for transport
25. Disposable gloves
Food and drink
26. Canned yummy food for giving drugs, such as wet dog food. Peanut butter and sprayable Cheez-Whiz is good, too.
27. Shelf-stable liquid for giving drugs, such as canned milk or broth. Instant mashed potatoes also works.
28. Canned pumpkin. Not pumpkin pie filling, but plain pumpkin. Good for constipation.
29. Bread. Try to keep a loaf on hand.
30. Ice. Try to keep ice in the freezer.
Whew! That's a lot of stuff. Most people have the majority of these items in the house, but it can be very convenient to have them all in one place.
Storytime! Most of our vet emergencies have been real. The time Jack ate 34 sticks of Miracle Grow...or a box of chocolate Ex-Lax...or when Coco ate a Starbucks espresso brownie, thereby turning a $3 treat into a $600 overnight ER trip. But, once, Jack faked a back injury.
I had a friend staying with me for a few weeks and, apparently, Jack felt he wasn't getting enough attention. On New Year's Day, he was on my bed on the fourth floor of a rowhome, crying. The darn dog acted as if he was paralyzed or seriously injured. "How the heck do I get a 120lb dog off a bed, down 4 flights of stairs, down the block, and into the car?" I wondered. I called the ER, who told me they did not have an ambulance service but did give me the number of the Dog Charmer.
Dog. Charmer.
I can't make this up, people! The Dog Charmer came over, whispered into Jack's ear, and within minutes he was limping heavily and whimpering all the way into the car.
Then, after blood work and X-rays and CT scans and the entire vet student night staff of the hospital standing around him trying to figure out what was wrong...a cat walked by. Jack leapt off a high exam table, flew down the hall, stopped, turned, locked eyes with me, and grinned the biggest grin of his life.
Ok, boy. You got what you wanted: more than a dozen caring, concerned people fussing all over you for hours. Never, ever underestimate this dog. When he wants quiet snuggly time and kisses, he will cozy up to me, whimper, and show me where the breeder removed his dewclaws. When he was 6 weeks old.
Ever see those signs in convenience stores, "do not accept checks from this person" with a name and a photo? Yeah, there is still a picture of Jack in the ER nurses' station labeled "FAKER."
He went by a similar-sounding nickname for a few months after that.
Still does.
2 comments:
Ah. One of the advantages of having cats is that they don't typically eat random things. Doogie's one vice is tape, but we usually catch him at it, and if swallowed, he throws it back up. No biggie.
Oh wait. I just remembered that before Steven and I married, Calvin lived with Steven and his roommate, Josh. Josh's mom had sent him a chocolate-chip cookie bouquet for doing well on the LSAT. Calvin was home alone all day and bored, so he sampled every single cookie in the bouquet. He cried if you touched him that night from the tummy ache it gave him. Josh wasn't too happy that the cat had sample ALL the cookies.
Jack is quite the handful, isn't he? I'm always telling my husband what Jack's been up to after I read your blog. :-)
LOL YAYYY Jack! You are such an awesome doggy momma. I'm so serious that you should send this story in to the puppy princess magazines and win prizes. :)
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