insert rolled eyes here.

Disclaimer: "feminism" means 10 different things to 10 different people. Feminists are a wildly diverse lot, I've learned, and what one "feminist" believes is a reasonable, well-argued "feminist" goal or objective another "feminist" also reasonably believes is yet another link in the Chains of the Patriarchy.

With that.

Sometimes an apron is

wait for it...

...just an apron!

Feminist Kristen Painter was delighted to receive an apron as a gift. But then, something happened.

This cheery little number propelled her straight into a "feminist identity crisis." Watch out, people. Those aprons are a clear psychological threat to one's psyche.

"I was asking myself, "Am I perpetuating the idea that female domesticity is our only contribution to society and therefore our only value?!"

Thankfully, said crisis was over soon.

"I quickly assessed myself, my motives, why I enjoy the apron, who had given it to me, and I realized I was ok. I am not sacrificing my ideals by wearing the apron. The fact that it came from a like-minded, feisty feminist herself helped calm my brief freak out."

Well. I'm glad. I never had much use for sitting around and theorizing whether my [insert random neutral household item here] was perpetuating anything or, have mercy, "sacrificing my ideals."

That's the problem with just about every single -ist group out there. Not just feminists, not by a long shot! They all suffer from a shared tendency to spend far too much time, effort, and mental energy fretting about perpetuating instead of, say, enjoying a pretty, machine-washable present that just happens to protect one's clothing from splatters. Is examining whether X perpetuates Y worthwhile? Of course. Just not All. The. While.

My parents were very keen on raising me to be a Strong Independent Woman. Accordingly, my mother banned Barbies (unhealthy body image) and chose to have me called by my middle name, theoretically unisex but definitely masculine. Even she was very happy when my father gave her a fancy new vacuum cleaner for Christmas one year. And anyone remember that scene in Father of the Bride where the woman broke off the engagement when her fiance gave her a blender? Puh-lease. Who cares about perpetuating when one can have powerful suction technology and smoothies?

Hope Ms. Painter's significant other gives serious contemplation to her next birthday gift.

Oy.

Susan Boyle is ugly

If there is anything "ugly" about Susan Boyle, it is our reaction to her. Her story is too often prefaced with something along the lines of "it is such a surprise that something so beautiful can come from someone like that." More often than not, her voice is juxtaposed with her face and physique. Despite her bushy eyebrows*, despite her graying hair, despite her allegedly unfashionable frock, despite her lack of make-up...she can sing. Are we so dim-witted that we honestly believe that a public skill like acting or singing springs only from a slim-hipped, long-legged, pouty-lipped lass? Apparently. I've decided that America** is rapidly losing its smarts, evidenced primarily by the prevalance of kick-to-the-groin humor in movie previews, and much of the Susan Boyle chatter tends to confirm it.

And, for the record, I don't find Ms. Boyle particularly unattractive. She has a very interesting face, and interesting faces are always attractive.

Anyway.

Tanya Gold asks:

Why are we so shocked when "ugly" women can do things, rather than sitting at home weeping and wishing they were somebody else? Men are allowed to be ugly and talented. Alan Sugar looks like a burst bag of flour. Gordon Ramsay has a dried-up riverbed for a face. Justin Lee Collins looks like Cousin It from The Addams Family. Graham Norton is a baboon in mascara. I could go on. But a woman has to have the bright, empty beauty of a toy - or get off the screen. We don't want to look at you. Except on the news, where you can weep because some awful personal tragedy has befallen you.

Ms. Gold is onto something here. Unless she is pumped full of plastic and silicone and preferably shows a little bit of tanned leg, we have zero desire to see women over 35 or so on television until she hits the kindly, pleasantly plump grandmother stage. And while she is in the public view, the eye turns suddenly and intensely critical. Hillary Clinton's pantsuits. Michella Obama's arms. And remember the various cries of (of all things!) sexism when a major magazine did not Photoshop Sarah Palin's cover shot? McCain's camp knew exactly what they were doing when they picked a slim, sexy woman. Sexy enough to appeal to men, but demure enough to keep female jealousy at bay. Brilliant.

But I digress. My point is that we treat women in the public eye almost as we would a fine meal: presentation counts just as much as taste. My sincere hope for Susan Boyle is that she resists frenzied attempts to re-package her into something more pleasing to American scrutiny.

As a side note, I'm especially curious as to how we will wrestle with the sexuality of Susan Boyle. She is a virgin, she still "needs" her first kiss; no doubt we will see attempts to change than in the coming weeks. With that sassy wiggle of her hips and confidence in the face of smirks and eye-rolls, she reminds everyone that sexuality and being 47 are not mutually exclusive. How will we - who sexualize little girls up until they hit 30 or so - approach this? (And I am only half-joking when I wonder when Playboy will approach her.)

* Though I highly recommend getting one's eyebrows professionally done. It's the only treatment I do and worth every cent. Just be sure to ask around and solicit referrals from women with natural-looking brows - the over-plucked arch flatters no one.

** I'm limiting this to the American audience as that is the one with which I am most familiar.

~*~*~*~*~

Usefulness of the day: Now is a great time to buy winter gear. If you're not in the market for a warm coat yourself, remember that you can stretch your charitable dollar by stocking up on gloves, hats, and other winter items in the spring.

Picture credit.

Disturbing website of the day...

"But Allison," you ask, "how can a sweet baby girl in a lilac tutu disturb anyone?"

The bangs. They're not real. Evidently, there are far too many infants embarrassing their poor parents with their pathetically thin wisps of baby hair.

How dreadfully embarrassing.

Never fear. Baby Bangs! has the solution for parents who have grown weary of correcting strangers that the child is "not a boy!" Baby Bangs!'s target demographic is "the girl who has everything - except hair!" It's easy fix, too. Just place the wig and headband atop baby's head, comb and tease each strand of hair into a natural swirl pattern, and then lacquer it in place with hairspray. I'm sure that - and the subsequent ungluing of each strand from baby's scalp - is super-easy. The price of beauty. Sigh.

Ah, much better! Baby is all set to go out in public. No need to keep her cloistered in a windowless room. With her "exquisite" hairdo, baby will look "[s]o beautiful." How beautiful? She is "sure to grab comments from family, friends, and even strangers!" What parent doesn't want her newly coiffed baby grabbing the attention of strangers? "I can't believe the change it made in Emily," reports a grandmother in St. Louis. "Thank goodness she has hair now." Julia Baker in Boulder, CO gushes that these little wigs are "very cute and apropos in our image-conscious modern world."

Is that true? I assumed that "our image-conscious modern world" exempted infants for a few years, at least. Evidently not.

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." Confucius.

***

Usefulness of the day: Acetylsalicylic acid (Aspirin) is an acetyl derivative of salicylic acid, which is a common active ingredient in anti-acne medications. Grind up an uncoated tablet, mix water to make a paste, and dab on any blemishes. You can also use ground aspirin as an exfoliating treatment or a mask. Just be sure it is safe for you to take Aspirin before trying.

Picture credits.