Feeding babies

Disclaimer 1: I do not have kids. Thus, I am "sticking my nose where it does not belong." I will do that sometimes.

Disclaimer 2: I am not addressing those who would like to breastfeed but cannot/unable to due to health concerns, or those who have adopted an infant and do not have access to/afford using a milk bank.

Disclaimer 3: I know that formula is not poison.

If you've read about my toiletry kits for the homeless, you know that I like sign up to receive coupons and free samples. I signed up for baby coupons and samples, too, which can be given to expecting friends or used to buy diapers for a women's center. Today, I received a free one day supply of baby formula.

The top ingredient is corn syrup. That's sugar for those new to reading food labels. A sugar not without some very recent controversy, I might add.

Then, we have palm olein, coconut oil, soy oil, and high oleic oil. Oil, oil, oil, oil. And not the best kind of oil, either. The "lipids" featured on the front are just these cheap, poor quality fats! (Lipids and ingredients starting with "ol" or "ole" are fats.)

Plus some assorted vitamins and minerals. I guess that makes it...better?

I have no idea where the idea that breastfeeding is wrong, embarrassing, or otherwise icky came from. I've never complained to a manager that a woman one table over was feeding her baby, or gave a dirty look to a woman breastfeeding on the train. I would not want her changing a diaper in a restaurant or in such close quarters, but that is more of a hygiene issue. Isn't is unhealthy to insist mother feed in bathrooms? I occasionally see a mom breastfeed in a restaurant's bathroom, and *that* makes me feel uncomfortable. I am tempted to slather her baby with anti-bacterial hand gel!

I have pictured the formula next to dog treats. I prefer to bake my own dog treats as commercial treats are packed with salt, sugar, preservatives, and artificial colors and flavors. Jack and Coco were gifted these and enjoying them sparingly - just as a person should enjoy junk food. If you have dogs, glance at the ingredient label, too. These are primarily flour, corn syrup, sugar crystalline, fructose, salt, dried cheese product, vegetable oil, artificial smoke flavor, artificial apple flavor, artificial peanut butter flavor, and artificial colorings. At least the baby formula left out the artificial smoke flavor.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Don't toss your glass jars. Wash and save them and use to store anything from leftover food to dried beans to crafts supplies. The label peels off easily if you fill the jar with very hot water; the heat softens the glue, and the label will peel right off! If the jar previously contained a strong-flavored food like garlicky pickles, you will want to wash the jar twice. No need to buy Tupperware when you can shop in your recycle bin!

I ate a lot of olives so my ribbons, yoyos, and crocheted bits could neatly take up residence on my crafts table.

Legal Cocktail Chatter: Part I: Unsavory Clients

I am starting a new series called Cocktail Chatter. These questions will be culled from my conversations with non-lawyers - in other words, questions posed to me at cocktail parties and other casual social events. Get a cup of tea, martini, or glass of water and join in!

Why do lawyers defend child molesters/rapists/terrorists?

1. Lawyers took an oath to uphold, protect, and defend the Constitution. Every person has the right to a fair trial. Lawyers do not judge their clients; this is the job of of the jury. A lawyer who defends even an admitted child molester is doing the job he swore to do, and do well.

2. Ethical rules demand that an attorney zealously represent his client. In criminal cases only, the attorney is required by the Rules of Professional Conduct to argue advantageous circumstantial inferences that he knows to be false, though he cannot lie. This is how strong the mandate of "zealousness" is! The general public fails to understand how deeply ingrained this idea of "zealousness" is to the art and practice of law. An attorney is not practicing the ethically mandated zeal when he launches a half-hearted defense. Failure to practice with due zeal can get an attorney disciplined or disbarred.

3. A physician who prescribes life-prolonging blood pressure medication to a known felon does not condone criminal activity when he writes the prescription; he simply promotes the health and well-being of his patient. Similarly, a lawyer who defends a criminal does not support or condone criminal activity, but he does support the Constitutional rights of the accused.

4. Like it or not, the Constitution does not go out the window at the whim of public opinion.

What if you believe your client is innocent at first, but then realize he is not?

While there are some very specific guidelines on when and how a lawyer can "fire" a client, it is ultimately a decision made by the judge. A judge will not allow a client's case to be prejudiced by a sudden change in attorneys. The general rule is that if withdrawal can be done with no prejudice and for with a darn good reason (e.g. the client is using the lawyer to commit fraud), a judge will probably allow it.


Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.

Picture credit.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Do not use your home address on your luggage tags. You do not want strangers or thieves knowing where you sleep. Use a business address instead. Need new luggage tags? Why, here they are, free!

A PG-13 Grammer Post

Toothpaste for dinner

Friend did not have a quality education until college and grew up in a very poor, very rural area where grammar was quite far down the "must do" list. Somewhere near "hire a feng shui coordinator for the outhouse," perhaps. Feeling shy about conversing with co-workers who actually live in homes with perfectly feng-shuied bathrooms, she set about tackling their/there/they're and the like.

When she - a decidenly brilliant woman, by the way :) - bought a grammar text a few months ago, she became a tad obsessed with prepositions and asked me to correct her whenever she let her prepositions dangle. Memorizing the whole list of prepositions while remembering to put them in their proper place can be challenging! I did as she requested and gently corrected as necessary when the two of us conversed alone. When one has been dangling one's prepositions for 30 years, this can be a frustrating blow to one's self esteem. To lighten up the mood and avoid being feng-shuied upside the head with said grammar text, I told her a PG-13 joke.

The following joke is not to be viewed by those who disapprove of discussing "female dogs" in a non-canine context.

*
*
*

A snooty Bostonian found herself seated next to a friendly woman from the South on a recent plane trip. "Where y'all traveling to?" asked the Southern woman. "To a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions," the Bostonian retorted. The other woman sat back and considered this for a moment. "Where y'all traveling to, b****?"

See? Grammer is fun! And just a tiny bit bad :)

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: If you're messy and tend to toss your keys, phone, wallet, and more on the nearest surface when you come home, purchase a large bowl for an entry table or kitchen counter. It will keep it all contained, and you will not have to run around in the morning cursing the gnomes who sneak out in the wee hours to steal your car keys. I use a large glass bowl so that I can see exactly what has been appropriated by the gnomes while I slept.

Kitchen Adventures: Spaghetti Squash

Spaghetti squash is my new addiction. So easy to make! Cut in half, place the halves upside-down on a sheet, bake for about an hour, and enjoy. Gently fork and fluff the squash, drizzle with evoo, and sprinkle with fresh, shredded parmesan cheese or crumbled feta. Garnish with broccoli rabe or fresh tomatoes. Warming, filling, and comforting, this is a lovely dish for those who do not like the taste of squash. Spaghetti squash has a nearly non-squashy flavor. Plus, it's fun to eat!

You may also top with tomato sauce. Treat it just as you would regular spaghetti!

Picture credit.

Lovely gifts for the kitchen

In addition to The Empress, dear friends gifted me additional kitchen-related items: aprons!

The first is a beautiful pink and ivory apron. One side features lily pads and the other side reverses to a pink print. Two aprons in one, how lovely! I feel beautiful and delightfully domestic wearing this apron. It certainly flatters my coloring.

The second is for baking my dog treats.





Now I just need a third apron to actually cook and bake in, as these aprons are clearly not suitable for drippings, splatters, and floury hands!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Free samples of Airborne. After exhaustive research, I propose that Airborne is nothing more than vitamin C with a hefty placebo side effect. After you get your flu vaccine, enjoy some orange-flavored fizziness.

For those who wear glasses, Bausch & Lomb cleaning cloths.

Let sleeping dogs lie

Little min pin legs peeking out from beneath the blanket.

Charity, Cheaply: Part IV: Toiletry Kits for the Homeless

Part I.
Part II.
Part III.

If you do a lot of traveling, you probably have a collection of travel-sized toiletry items. Roommate and I started collectinging sample-sized toiletries from hotels and freebie sites once the the airlines banned liquids. When the box started overflowing (we both decided it was easier to simply check one liquid bag and carry on clothing), I tried to find a good use for these items. Food pantries were one idea, but figured that these folks had more of a need for full-size items.

Because the homeless lug around all their worldly possessions throughout the day, I reasoned that giving full-size containers probably was not the best idea. For the homeless I see regularly on bridges and at intersections, I hand out bags with soap, shampoo, lotion, deodorant, and the like, along with some snacks. For those that I do not see on such a frequent basis, Roommate and I make larger kits of a fleece blanket, fleece socks, high-calories non-perishables like protein bars, and a hat, scarf, jacket, or shoes if needed. In the summer, we swap the fleece for a baseball hat and sunscreen.

If this sounds like something you might like to do, here are some tips:

1. I hand out most the these kits from my car. Many intersections I drive through on the weekdays have a homeless person seeking donations. I try to keep the front passenger seat stocked with enough kits for the week.
2. The travel-sized toiletries in drug stores are usually exorbitantly priced! Unless there is a great deal on them, you are better off sticking to hotel and free samples.
3. If you can find a single-use packet of laundry detergent, include that as well.
4. Unless it is specifically labeled as alcohol-free, do not give mouthwash. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, and some gum are fine. For the same reason, do not give hand sanitizer. Baby wipes will do.
5. Consider tucking in extra lotion in the winter.
6. Because many homeless people I encounter are not in the best mental health, I am uncomfortable giving those small packets of 2-4 doses of pain relievers. Taking 4 doses of Advil at once is not lethal, but can cause some seriously unpleasant side effects. A better use of these sample-sized OTC medications is to carry in your purse, stash in your car, or simply give to a food pantry.

How to get free or almost-free items:
1. Hotels.
2. Freebie web sites. These freebies also come with great coupons, too. I spent about ten minutes once a week requesting freebies using an automatic form-filler from Firefox. There are thousands of freebie sites out there. I visit Wal-Mart, Shop 4 Freebies, Complimentary Crap, and Arlana. Open a new, free email account (Yahoo, gmail, hotmail, etc.) so your personal account is not deluged. Only request items you know you can use or otherwise put to good use.
3. Flea markets often have brand-new blankets, socks, and other items for a very low cost. And try haggling with a department store! Wash these items before giving.
4. Grocery stores can be a veritable gold mine on Saturday mornings. At my local store, every aisle has at least one free item plus a great coupon. When I mentioned my kits to the cashier last week, he dumped a whole bin of toothpaste into my bag!
5. Occasionally check eBay. Some people will hoard up dozens of sample-sized items and sell for only a few dollars.
6. Don't be afraid to recruit friends who travel a lot. This is not Arbonne or Tupperware. They will be happy to help.
7. Get in the habit of purchasing toiletries that come with a free sample-sized item.
8. With your new email account, sign up for the promotional newsletters from different brands. Some brands will send you free samples or email you coupons for free items a few times a year just for signing up.
9. Around the winter holidays, most people are feeling particularly generous and charitable. I posted a request for free toiletries under the "wanted" section on Craigslist. I recently had a lovely woman give me about 200 hotel items! *** Use common sense and be safe when using Craigslist. I only meet in a heavily traveled public place, like a grocery store parking lot. I bring Jack along for the ride, too - because he is so big and broad-chested and toothy, he looks rather intimidating. If you don't have a Jack, bring along a friend or family member. ***


***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: If you carry a quilted cotton or cloth handbag, Scotchguard it. You'll prolong the life of your handbags for a few dollars. While you're at it, consider doing the same to light-colored coats, being sure to check the fabric and do a test run on an inconspicuous area on the inner and unlined portion of the coat. I never did understand why white wool coats have been recently in vogue! As with cashmere socks, I'm certain the impracticality outweighs the fashion and softness appeal, respectively. Either that, or I'm just messy.

Also, free box of XyliMelts. I've never tried these as I don't suffer from dry mouth and, indeed, know nothing about products geared toward relieving dry mouth, but thought I would pass it on.

Charity, Cheaply: Part III, Comfort and Joy

Part I can be found here. Part II can be found here.

Many people have taken a serious hit in the stock market. Others have lost their jobs. Most of us are doing some serious budgeting for the worst-case scenario.

But can you spare a stamp and a letter that takes less than an 20 minutes to write?

Consider Make A Child Smile. It's a very simple idea: send a cheery card to a child with a chronic or terminal illness. Please do be sure to read MAC's FAQs, paying particular attention to the "dos and dont's" before mailing off a card and their prohibition against forwarding these addresses to friends. A few minutes spent jotting down an amusing story, etc. can, well, Make a Child Smile.

I really enjoy writing to these children! At the end of a long day, recounting an amusing story is always refreshing and relaxing. Some of these anecdotes are baddog-related, and I have no shortage of funny pictures of the "kids." Or, if the profile indicates that the child enjoys cooking or baking, I'll include a picture and recipe of an easy-to-make snack. A joke concludes the letter. Browse the library or Internet for child-friendly jokes. Try here, here, or here. As MAC specifically instructs, do not tell the child the "get well soon" or include specific religious references - many of these children will never "get well" and the families practice a diverse variety of faiths.

There is certainly no need to send a gift, but I occasionally enclose a small item if I think the child will enjoy it. No food items, as per MAC's rules. More than one child has professed a fondness for lip gloss, so I'll tuck in a particularly yummy flavor. Some ideas come from my mother's adventures with cancer earlier this year. When my mother was in chemotherapy and radiation, I made sure to keep her stocked with plenty of super-moisturizing body treats as radiation can dry out the skin. I also sent her some ginger candies to help with nausea and to give her some flavor, as she was forbidden to eat. Finally, because my mother was in lots of pain and unable to sit or lie down for more than a few minutes at a time due to the location of the cancer, I gave her several puzzles, which can not only be completed while standing, but abandoned and revisted as appointments and illness dictates. Simple, inexpensive treats - but they can bring lots of joy and comfort to someone!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Please, please, please do remember to clear the ice and snow from the roof of your car before driving! A chunk of ice that flies from your roof can kill the person behind you. Even if the snow looks light and powdery, there can be a dangerous layer of ice hiding underneath. Also, free coffee.

Charity, Cheaply: Part III, Comfort and Joy

Part I can be found here. Part II can be found here.

Many people have taken a serious hit in the stock market. Others have lost their jobs. Most of us are doing some serious budgeting for the worst-case scenario.

But can you spare a stamp and a letter that takes less than an 20 minutes to write?

Consider Make A Child Smile. It's a very simple idea: send a cheery card to a child with a chronic or terminal illness. Please do be sure to read MAC's FAQs, paying particular attention to the "dos and dont's" before mailing off a card and their prohibition against forwarding these addresses to friends. A few minutes spent jotting down an amusing story, etc. can, well, Make a Child Smile.

I really enjoy writing to these children! At the end of a long day, recounting an amusing story is always refreshing and relaxing. Some of these anecdotes are baddog-related, and I have no shortage of funny pictures of the "kids." Or, if the profile indicates that the child enjoys cooking or baking, I'll include a picture and recipe of an easy-to-make snack. A joke concludes the letter. Browse the library or Internet for child-friendly jokes. Try here, here, or here. As MAC specifically instructs, do not tell the child the "get well soon" or include specific religious references - many of these children will never "get well" and the families practice a diverse variety of faiths.

There is certainly no need to send a gift, but I occasionally enclose a small item if I think the child will enjoy it. No food items, as per MAC's rules. More than one child has professed a fondness for lip gloss, so I'll tuck in a particularly yummy flavor. Some ideas come from my mother's adventures with cancer earlier this year. When my mother was in chemotherapy and radiation, I made sure to keep her stocked with plenty of super-moisturizing body treats as radiation can dry out the skin. I also sent her some ginger candies to help with nausea and to give her some flavor, as she was forbidden to eat. Finally, because my mother was in lots of pain and unable to sit or lie down for more than a few minutes at a time due to the location of the cancer, I gave her several puzzles, which can not only be completed while standing, but abandoned and revisted as appointments and illness dictates. Simple, inexpensive treats - but they can bring lots of joy and comfort to someone!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Please, please, please do remember to clear the ice and snow from the roof of your car before driving! A chunk of ice that flies from your roof can kill the person behind you. Even if the snow looks light and powdery, there can be a dangerous layer of ice hiding underneath. Also, free coffee.

From the rest of us...

Happy Festivus!



Picture credit.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Serenity now :)

An etiquette question

How does one react when a friend or acquaintance makes a comment or joke that denigrates an entire race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexuality?

I'm not so Good that I don't find humor in an off-color joke, but I draw the line where the joke reinforces dangerous (and usually untruthful) stereotypes. I also know that looking Shocked and Appalled and storming off in a huff is not usually the best response, as it removes the opportunity to correct, or at least counter with one's own views. (Certain subjects, however, do absolutely warrant at least a strong excoriation, if not a stormy exit. A joke that endeavors to glorify the depraved acts and beliefs of Hitler or John Lotter and Marvin "Tom" Nissen are examples.)

What are examples of responses that (1) clearly indicate that one does not agree with the sentiment expressed but (2) also express a genuine willingness to explore the issues surrounding the joke?

Lately, I've been within earshot of some very Bad "jokes". "Jokes" that will not be repeated here because they are profoundly unhealthy and unfunny. My standard response has been to give a heavy, "ooooh, that's troublesome" sigh (which is different from a "you're so stupid" sigh or a "this is beneath me" sigh) and follow with a remark - in a light, casual tone - such as "Oh, John, I know you don't really think that! You're going to give these lovely folks the wrong idea about you!" or "Helen, how about that 'how many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb' joke you told me last week! That was a riot! And, unlike [insert offensive subject matter here], it's actually true!" or "Matt, buddy, that's not a joke. Here's a real joke..."

Suggestions?

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: A real joke.

A string walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender looks at him and asks, "we don't serve strings here." The string leaves. He thinks that if he is impeccably polite, he might be served a beverage. "Please, sir, if it is not too much trouble, sir, may I have a drink, please?" The bartender responds, "I'm sorry. We do not serve strings here."

The string again exits. He ties himself up and musses up his hair and walks back into the bar. "Aren't you a string?" the bartender asks. "Nope," replies the string. "I'm afraid not!"

(Please substitute the bar for a restaurant and the drink for a meal for children.)

Picture credit.

Charity, Cheaply: Part II: Bodies

Part I.

Part II is my most passionate "Charity, Cheaply" post yet. I'm in the process of polishing up a collection of essays first started back my undergrad days. I love literature on bodies - bodies in pain, suffering bodies, misshapen bodies, culturally subversive bodies, sexual and sexualized bodies, watched bodies, and more. If this sounds at all appealing to you, here is a reading list: Frankenstein, Christina Rossetti's "Goblin Market", anything by Foucault, medical accounts of hermaphrodites from Victorian America, and Queer Latinidad by Juana Rodriguez. The last 3 texts are appropriate for an 18+ audience.

So, with the Body theme...

Donating blood or plasma can actually earn you about $30 at some places. Consider doing it for free, especially if you have type O blood or a rare type of blood. Even if you take several medications, you will probably be considered a suitable candidate for donation. And you'll get a cookie and glass of juice out of it!

Donating bone marrow can save a life. Signing up with the National Marrow Donation Program is a one-time $52 fee. The fee is tax-deductible. Even without the tax deduction, $52 can save a life. Please, consider signing up! Signing up does not obligate you to donate. Because bone marrow matches are sometimes - but not always - made along racial/ethnic lines based on a similar genetic makeup, please especially consider donating if you are a racial or ethnic minority in America. I can't recall the publication, but I read an article two or so years ago highlighting the particular need for African-American donors. (A friend of mine who has an Irish-English ancestry recently matched to a new immigrant from Haiti, so you never know!)

My father donated bone marrow in the 1980s when collection was performed without anesthesia. He reports that the collection pain was tolerable, and the post-collection pain was limited to some aching tenderness on the hip area for a few days. Medicine has since refined collection methods, but the 1-4 days of post-collection aches are expected. I hope that 1-4 days of bone aches won't dissuade you from donating! After all, what is a day of bone aches compared to the life-long heartache of losing a loved one?

I have not yet been blessed by being able to save a life with my bone marrow. If/when I do - and I pray I do! - you can count on an honest assessment of the experience.

*If you are like me - small build and Caucasian - get approval from your physician. The collection process involves several tiny drills into the pelvic bone, and you should review any concerns about osteoporosis with your physician. Asian women - also at-risk for osteoporosis - should do the same.*

Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.
Finally, if your religious beliefs do not forbid it, give serious thought to becoming an organ donor. Make these wishes known to loved ones, and be sure to select the organ donor option for your driver's license. Contrary to Law & Order, being an organ donor does not mean you will not be treated for a medical emergency. I grew up in a Boston Emergency Room (parents are in medicine) and currently sue physicians (read: I know about lots of dirty medical practices.) Organ donation is not the equivalent of a Do-Not-Resuscitate order! You may also choose which organs to donate. Personally, I would like every single scrap of me to be put to good use, if possible. Others would prefer to not donate their retinas or some other organ. All of this is perfectly fine!
Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.


Picture credit.
Picture credit.

A movie review and a must-read tip/trick/lesson of the day

I rarely make it to the movies. I only think of it maybe once or twice a year, and the idea of spending $20 for two people to see a movie that costs $1 to rent in a few months (gotta love Wegman's!) just seems a tad silly. If there is a way to get cheap tickets - I already know about matinees and AAA discounts - do let me know.

But Friend adores 007 movies, and was dying to see Quantum of Solace. I've seen a few Bond movies and enjoyed them. But Quantum of Solace was an abject disappointment. There were no gadgets - only lots of flashy gun-play which, frankly, I can see in just about any film and occasionally hear in Killadelphia. There was also a disturbing and totally unnecessary rape theme that presented in several scenes and in two characters. These rape scenes added nothing to the story line and just seemed totally gratuitous. Perhaps the writers were playing off the popularity of Law & Order: SVU?

On the plus side, I learned that there is a new Vin Diesel movie coming out in February 2009. I've had a bit of a tiny school-girl crush on Vin Diesel ever since I saw the original XXX. Granted, there were some rather cliched moments, but any movie that makes such great use of German heavy metal gets "two thumbs up" from me. (My musician brother is heavily into heavy metal and death metal. Much of the lyrics from popular death metal musicians are beyond Sick and Wrong - Cannibal Corpse, I am looking squarely in your direction - but I actually have an affinity for German and industrial metal. Rammstein albums nestle in with Rusted Root, the Rolling Stones, and Lou Reed. At least it forces me to keep up with my German. And the lyrics in non-death metal are much cleaner than most of the pop music on the radio. Philosophical, even.)

However...I also caught a preview for Valkyrie. I just can't take Tom Cruise seriously! Am I the only one? I suspect this is one film that would seriously test my abilty to sit through a film without poking one's neighbor and whispering snarky comments - decidedly inappropriate for a film based on an attempted assassination of Hitler.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: This is a really good one! Have you visited restaurant.com? You can purchase a $25 gift certificate to many eateries for only $10. But wait! Before you even think of purchasing these certificates, subscribe to or visit couponmom.com. Mrs. Mom frequently has great coupon codes for restaurant.com. I've never paid more than $4 for $25, and last month I was able to purchase $25 for $2! Now, there are some restrictions on these certificates at certain restaurants. These restrictions are clearly stated so that there are no surprises. For some restaurants, you must spend $35 and purchase two entrees to use the $25 certificate. For others, you may not use a certificate on Saturday nights. Still a great deal, particularly if you are like me and keep your smoke detectors on their toes :)

Life is too short to use poor quality olive oil.

Yes, indeed. I am an unabashed addict. The amount of evoo I consume in a month is obscene. I have a particularly strong aversion to butter, for reasons I can't quite explain. A pet peeve? When dinner rolls come pre-buttered! (I occassionally feel guiltily un-American when I reflect that I loath butter, sugar, and chocolate. Unless it is a chilled York peppermint patty.)

Here are my favorite recipes for flavored olive oils:

- Press green olives through a garlic press, and let it sit in oil for a few days. The oil will taste wonderfully fruity!

- Let pressed, raw garlic permeate the oil for a few days.

- Place a chili pepper or two in a bottle for about a week.

- I have not tried these, but you might: crushed peanuts, rosemary, basil, lemon, and chives.

With all these recipes, I recommend refrigeration while the extras are present. Once sufficient time has passed, strain and store at room temperature.

These make excellent gifts! Use a glass bottle - I've had luck with old maple syrup bottles - and dress with a ribbon.

Uses:
- Drizzle over homemade bread or pasta.
- Use to make popcorn in a pan on the stove.
- Use in place of evoo or oil for stir-fry, etc.
- Drink.

Benefits:
- Lowers LDL.
- Raises HDL.
- Reduces the risk of ulcers, gallstones, many cancers, and coronary heart disease.
- Lowers blood pressure.
- Helps maintain steady blood sugar.
- Helps maintain a healthy body weight.
- Improves the condition of the skin and hair.

Picture credit.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Popcorn is an inexpensive and healthy alternative to other snack foods. Once you've made it with evoo on the stove, you'll never go back to microwave popcorn, I promise! Cover the bottom of a large pan entirely with oil, and then add a single layer of popcorn kernels. Cover with lid <--- important. Listen for popping, and turn off when popping slows. Drizzle with just a small amount of olive oil, and add any additional ingredients as desired. Salt is popular, but a spoonful of raw, pressed garlic is also yummy.

The baddogs adore popcorn time! A kernel or twelve always manages to escape. When Roommate is home, we make a batch in the evening. Coco'nut will pace and huff if the popcorn is not started by a certain time :)

Raw garlic is a wonderful antibiotic. Stir a spoonful into soups or add to a salad. I'm blessed with a very strong immune system, but when I feel a sniffle I run out for garlic and parsely. Raw garlic can be a bit tough on the belly if you are not used to it.

Bathing beauties

I am a big believer in baths. (I'm pretty sure God is, too, with all the ritual cleansing and baptisms.) I spent a year in chilly Central New York, and the first thing I did when I came home was to collapse and warm up in a steamy bath. When I was studying for my bar exams, I listened to most of my PMBR lecture CDs while soaking. (It worked, though I still recite the rule against perpetuities in the tub!) And now, a bath in a darkened bathroom before bed is a welcome time of relaxation.

Bath tips:
1. Turn off the lights and light a candle or two.

2. Add some safflower oil to the water for a very inexpensive treat. A few drops of essential oil are nice, too, as are slices of lemon.

3. Have a beverage. I prefer ice water, but fruit juice, iced tea, beer, or wine are all good choices. If you plan on a very hot soak, avoid alcohol.

4. Consider some reading material or similar. I enjoy flipping through pretty photographs in catalogs or even playing Sudoku.

5. Consider music or radio. I alternate between Enya and NPR, depending on my mood.

6. Before you soak, toss your towel in the dryer for 20 minutes so it will be warm and cozy when you need it. If you have a radiator in the bathroom, drape the towel over it.

7. If you must be productive, invest in a speech-to-text program for your computer. I know I've done tons of writing in the tub! I suspect the steam coaxes brilliant thoughts from my brain.

8. If you have dry skin, post-bath time is the best time to moisturize. I prefer pure cocoa butter as most lotions contain alcohol, which is quite drying. A big tub of pure cocoa butter is only about $4, and really does the best job.

My dream bath:
1. A big free-standing tub in the center of the room. Modern design with clean lines. Preferably on a pedestal. Like this, but without the shower:



2. A television! I don't watch much television, but I recently stayed in a hotel room with its own big-screen in the bathroom. I miss it.

3. Radiant heating in the floors.

4. Enormous fluffy bath sheets.

Picture credit.
Picture credit.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Free sample of Metamucil.

Behold...

This is my new Kitchen Aid.



She is Empire Red!



She has been christened The Empress.

As my mother put it, "you are now a Mature Woman." I joked that there is *no need* to get married now! (The Kitchen Aid is a traditional marriage gift.)

So how did I come into the glorious possession of Miss Empress?

I've recently started baking. In November, my parents visited and my mother brought her very, very old mixer. It was actually older than me by a few years. It worked fine for a few weeks, and then died. It died last Friday evening...and I had an order of 500 dog treats that had to be shipped on Saturday morning. Once I realized that, yes, the mixer was dead and yes, I had to mix 500 cookies by hand by morning, I was feeling incredibly frustrated. I castigated the old mixer in a most impolite manner and vocalized these frustrations in a rather undignified way...just as Roommate walked in the door. Now, Roommate has been rather fond of the fact that I now cook and bake (sorry, Roommate, I still don't see myself ever cleaning.) She actually enjoys my dog treats - a handful for breakfast, dipped in soup, etc. And Roommate is a generous person. An incredibly generous, sweet person.

She offered. I refused. She insisted. I refused. She ordered me into the car. I relented. We went to Big Box #1 first. The only mixer on the shelves was a $90 piece of flimsy plastic. "Please don't waste your money on this," I said. "I'll break the mixers in about five minutes." I calculated the hours and the cookies as we got back in the car...if I started hand-mixing now, I could probably still make it to the post office by morning. Instead of going home, Roommate turned into Big Box #2. And there it was, in all her glory. I refused and refused all the way to the register as Roommate told me to (1) accept and (2) be very, very sure Empire Red was ok as she would not be buying me a new Kitchen Aid. Done, and yes.

I cried. And then I cried because I was crying over a Kitchen Aid, which, I'm pretty sure, represents the Chains of the Patriarchy binding me to a lifetime of barefooted pregnantness. Two months ago, I couldn't even imagine myself baking, let alone wishing for a Kitchen Aid. Through my tears, I promised her a lifetime full of homemade pasta, ravioli, bread, soup, and sausage, as Empress came with a pasta attachment, ravioli attachment, bread hook, grain mill attachment, food processor, and sausage-making attachment.

Merry Chrismahanukwanzakah, Allison.

The Baddogs Do Christmas

I tried for too long to get Jack and Coco to pose. Jack *adores* having his picture taking! He will actually pose for the camera. (Jack actually did a bit of modeling a year or so ago.) Coco, dear thing, is not the most photogenic little creature. Jack get jealous when I tried to stick a Santa hat on Coco, and kept snatching it off. The boy is clearing laughing at me:

I took this after about 45 minutes of fighting with Jack to stop eating the Santa hat:

A change of wardrobe: Coco in her Mrs. Claus outfit. And Jack trying to eat his antlers:

I love this photo.

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Many people travel more during the holiday season. Now is a great time to make sure your vehicle is in good shape for winter driving. Always keep de-icer, an ice scraper, and a child-size shovel in your car. Check your fluids, tires, and lights before heading out. Consider taking a course on how to handle your vehicle on black ice. Keep an especially vigilant watch for drunk drivers on the road, and try to avoid driving at night if at all possible. If you spot a drunk driver, keep a safe distance *behind* the driver.

Also, if you did not do so at Daylight Savings, check your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors!

Kitchen adventures: bread

Such a pleasure to bake!

3 cups flour (I use whole wheat. You can also do a mix of whole wheat and white flour. When I gift bread to others, I generally do half white and half whole wheat.)

1 tablespoon of salt

1 tablespoon of sugar (I use Sugar in the Raw. White sugar is fine, but you must use real sugar, and not a sugar substitute like Splenda.)

1 packet of yeast

1 cup warm water

1-3 tablespoons of olive oil

Knead for at least five minutes. I admit, ever since my mother gave me her old kitchen mixer I've gotten lazy and just let the bread hook attachment do the work. Put a tablespoon of olive oil in a bowl with the ball of dough, coating the entire ball. Cover with a piece of cloth (t-shirts are fine) and put in a warm place for at least an hour. I put mine on top of the radiator for about 2 hours. Once it has risen, punch down. If you're using a loaf pan, place the dough in the loaf pan now. Cover and let rise for about another hour. Bake until golden.

Now, for the fun part: variations!

Fold a whole bulb of roasted garlic into the dough.
Add chopped, lightly sauteed onions. Top bread with bits of onion before baking.
Lots of coarsely chopped green olives. Top bread with some kosher salt before baking.
Mix shredded parmesan cheese into dough, then sprinkle top of bread with cheese.
Sweeten bread with a few tablespoons of honey.


Any other ideas? My favorite is green olive with flax seeds and parmesan. I dip in garlic-flavored olive oil. Delicious :)

*Caution*

Dogs cannot have dough with yeast in it. Yeast thrives and expands to lethal proportions in canine bellies. Be very sure that your dog cannot access your dough while it is rising.

Tip/trick/lesson of the day:
Free samples of Gain detergent.

Kitchen adventures: garden leftovers sauce

The rapidly falling temperatures stunted the growth of my eggplants and peppers, the poor dears. I gathered them up with some tomatoes and chives, who seem perfectly impervious to cold weather. I sauteed slices of eggplant, and put everything in the food processor with an onion, mushrooms, garlic, and a splash of soy sauce. My big freezer is nearly half-full of frozen sauces!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: free Starbucks coffee and 15% off coupon at Barnes & Nobles.

Trader Joe's

Trader Joe's is an amazing place. If you have never been, you must. When one came to my area years ago, I assumed it was yet another over-priced gourmet store. Produce is pricey there, but the rest is a bargain compared to other grocery stores around me. It is *heaven* for people who just want, say, unsweetened unsulfured apricots. Favorite items there include the tubs of lavendar salt scrub, freeze-dried strawberries, tamari roasted almonds, chili-lime cashews, dried chicken bits with no preservatives for the dogs, Lara bars (raw, vegan bars made of nuts, fruits, and spices), and frozen fruit. Most of my weekday eating is done in the car or out of a briefcase, so protein-packed non-perishables are a must.

The service, too, is great: every single clerk will reel off recipes and give opinions if asked, and they all seem genuinely happy to be there and get patrons interested in new and different foods. Ask nicely, and they will phone you when they get a new shipment of gazpacho. My favorite TJ treat is a pina colada smoothie: frozen chunks of sweet pineapple, soy milk, and a spoonful of coconut sorbet. Addicting. And the $4 "Two Buck Chuck" rivals libations that retail for five times the cost.

My only criticism is that the place encourages hoarding: it seems the best stuff is only stocked for a year or so. I've searched high and low for chunks of dried rhubarb sweetened with strawberry juice for about six years now.

Can you tell I am excited about my Friday grocery trip?

Charity, Cheaply: Part I

Ever since I was a Poor Starving Student, I've sent away for free samples. Toiletries, food, drink, dog treats, cleaning supplies - everything. Whether it is a free box of cereal, free tea, or free toilet paper, it is like opening a weekly birthday present. The travel-sized items are perfect for the gym, emergency travel, or similar. Most of these items come with *great* coupons, too. If you can't use them, give to a friend who can. Or, use them for items you don't use and then donate. Iams gave me a coupon for a free bag of dog food - my dogs don't eat Iams, so I picked it up and gave to a local dog shelter. General Mills gave me a whole book of buy-one-get-one items with which I purchased a whole cart of cereal already on sale for a local food pantry. I think I got $50 worth of cereal for under $10. I stuck that receipt on the fridge :)

Lately, most of these free goodies go to my soldier. I have "adopted" a soldier in Iraq and send him a care package every month. These individually wrapped cookies and granola bars can be stashed in a pocket and dispensed to children. Until a few months ago, I had never encountered a single person connected to the military. I now know how much something as small as a hand wipes, deodorant, and candy can mean to someone aching for his family, friends, and...Little Debbie Snack Cakes. Regardless of whether you think American soldiers should be where they are, consider making someone's life just a bit happier for a moment. I spend under $20 every month: a flat-rate package sent to an APO is $8, regardless of weight, and there are lots of places to buy inexpensive toiletries and snacks. And, if you take 5 minutes to sign up for coupons and free offers, you can save even more!

This month's care package had a definite Halloween theme: non-chocolate candy (it melts in the heat), Halloween-themed hand towels, watercolor paints and a paper pad, and snacks. I gave up looking for Halloween-theme toiletries; soap and toothpaste do not come in orange. Sigh.

I am sure there are plenty of troop care package sites out there. I obtained my soldier's name from Troopcarepackage.com. (Warning: I specifically requested a female soldier, reasoning it would be easier to simply send over two of whatever personal products I purchased for myself, and the site noted that it honored requests based on home town and military branch. I was confused when I was given a male name, but now know that it was intentional due to the number of men who wish to start a romantic pen-pal relationship with a female soldier. Don't request female.)

My freebie routine and rules:
1. I only request samples of items I know I can use. Free is great, waste is not.

2. I spend 5-10 minutes 1 day a week filling out the forms. There are *tons* of free sites out there, but I stick to Shop4Freebies, Arlana's, and Wal-Mart. In my experience, the Wal-Mart samples always come, and come within a few days. Most of these sites update the offers at least once a day, but I don't have the time for that.

3. If I try the item and don't care for it, any accompanying coupons are offered to someone else.

4. I only request truly free samples. Take care not to become involved in an automatic billing program, and ignore "free" samples that require either a subsequent purchase or a survey. (These surveys usually end with a purchase requirement *after* you just filled out a page of opinions!)

October Flowers

Evidently, the phrase "October flowers" is not an oxymoron.


These are soft, fuzzy grasses. They remind me of Charleston's palmetto trees. Or Sideshow Bob.

A single cosmo in a milk glass vase. Cosmos and morning glories were actually the first flowers I grew. I transplanted them to a small corner and use them for cutting. Cosmos look like spiky weeds - but just when you get ready to dig them up, pink blooms explode on top. Loveliness.


Fragrant sunny mums. These are from the grocery store. I accidentally lopped off a few branches with the car door. They join rich red mums on the front steps.


Grasses, ferns, and what I suspect are weeds. I know ferns are common fillers, but I think they are beautiful on their own. These ferns are shabby and small, but at the height of their glory they were massive green fans.

***

I made approximately forty more gallons of tomato sauce tonight. I can't even recall the last time I ate pasta - but something tells me I will be eating plenty of it soon!

Water, water everywhere

I *love* water on its own, but have been experimenting ways to make it tastier by spiking it with slices of fresh fruits, vegetables, and herbs in a pitcher. These are some of my recent creations:

1. Cucumber - quite cooling.
2. Cucumber lemon - my current favorite.
3. Lemon mint.
4. Orange mint.
5. Lime mint.
6. Cherry lemon - use firm cherries, slice very thin, and do not allow to remain in water for too long.
8. Cherry lime.
9. Grapefruit mint.
10. Strawberry lemon - again, use very firm strawberries and drink soon after making.

And a must-try: Tazo's "Passion" tea, cooled, and topped with a splash of Sprite or 7-Up. It is like drinking a flower with a slice of lemon.

Fairydust

I have finally stemmed the deluge of catalogs from the house.

Except.

The latest Gardener's Supply arrived this weekend. A few months ago it would have gone straight to the recycling bin. But, now being a Gardner who could use some Supplies, I leafed through it.

I passed up the Life-Sized Labrador Retriever Topiary Frame as one, 130lb lab is more than I can handle. I passed on the Goji berry plant, too, since Trader Joe's already does does an admirable job with Goji berries.

But.


These are Fairydust Balls. They can be staked in the dirt to peek out from shrubs, or hung from a porch. They give off a sweet, pale lime-tinted glow at dusk. And I thought that maybe just three or four could be a nice, whimsical, faintly eerie addition to the garden. They are *so far* from pink plastic flamingos. (Right?)

Roommate said No. Something about the police and raves in the backyard.

Sigh.

An Autumn Nature Walk

I have recently discovered a delightful nature walk just outside the city in Cherry Hill, NJ. The shaded trail winds through the woods, curving around a river and marsh area. The baddogs love to sniff all the wonderful nature smells. I love seeing the long-legged herons and egrets, and the anticipation of just *maybe* seeing a big buck nibble on leaves until he realizes he isn't alone in the woods, too.








The pictures are not the best, as it is tough to hold two leashes and a camera while keeping as quiet as possible, lest the birds get spooked and fly away. On the other hand, a big blue heron in flight is an incredible sight.

Now, even if Philadelphia's trees cannot compare to the rich splendor the red and gold tapestry God weaves every fall in New England, it was *so nice* to be able to gaze at a bright burst of of color. I am having a particularly difficult time adjusting to fall this year. I'm dreading the early darkness in a way that I've never dreaded before. But I still love the way nature gives one final brilliant burst before sleep.

I Love Halloween

I do love Halloween...a day exclusively dedicated to fun, costumes, apple cider, candy corn, and scaring one's self silly.


Coco Does Not Like her costume. Jack is too big and too manly for them.

(We are in costume early for a dog charity event.)

As I write this, I am painfully aware that I have become one of those people who dresses her dogs in Halloween costumes.

Flowers

I suspect there might be something amiss with the weather patterns when I am still picking cosmos (and enjoying tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplants, morning glories, raspberries, peppers, dill, and basil) in October.


I've been picking lots of these white flowers, too.


I don't know if they are weeds or flowers. What are they?

Kitchen Adventures: Creamy Spinach Soup

I adjusted the ingredients of a basic "cream of" spinach soup tonight. Roommate and I both adore garlic, and this reflects that:

1 large bag spinach
3 potatoes
2 large onions
1 bulb garlic, each clove halved
1 bulb garlic, raw and pressed
1 cup milk (I used real milk - will try with soy next time.)
2-3 cups water (or more milk)
Pepper to taste
Greek or plain yogurt, olive oil, shredded Parmesan

Makes a lot!

Cut up onions, 1 bulb garlic, and potatoes. Simmer and then run through food processor. Cook spinach, milk, and pepper and run through food processor. Simmer everything together with the raw garlic. Cook until creamy and delicious. Top with tiny bits of raw spinach and a swirl of Greek yogurt.

Wonderful on its own. Even better with a drizzle of olive oil or Greek yogurt and shredded Parmesan. I enjoyed the leftovers cold this afternoon.


*This is quite heavy on both raw and cooked garlic. Garlic is wonderful antioxidant, but can be tough on the belly. Feel free to cut down on the amount of garlic. You could also add olive oil, more milk, or even butter to make it creamier. Worried about bad breath? Chew on some fresh parsley, and you'll be fine.*

A food processor is not a must-have, but it is nice. I won mine last year- an inexpensive, six-cup model - and don't know how I lived without it. A blender or even a decent potato masher will probably be fine.

Kitchen Adventures: Tomato Sauce

There are only so many tomatoes two girls can eat and gift to neighbors. I briefly looked into canning, but reasoned that if botulism did not kill me, accidentally cutting myself with broken glass and/or burning myself with scalding water could. Alas, grace and coordination are not my strengths. (I actually found yoga classes a tad stressful - eight weeks into it, I was still the *only* one tripping over myself and falling into others. Shame and serenity do not mix.)

Sauce, then, could be ladled into individual servings, frozen into individual freezer bags, and boiled when needed. Roommate and I invested in a large chest freezer - we have a 1930s GE fridge that looks incredibly cool, but has two square inches of freezer space - so I set about filling it up with tastiness.


I pulled out my one enormous pot. Until today, it had never been used for food. For nearly two months, and in the dead of winter, construction issues deprived Roommate and me of hot water. The thrill at being forced to reap the alleged benefits of a bracingly cold shower every morning did not last. Roommate and I have very little in the way of kitchen supplies. Roommate and I started living together while I was still in law school. Roommate was recently divorced, and her spouse had taken off one day with virtually everything in the house, including what I am told are some dangerously good knives and beautiful cast-iron pans. I was a Poor Starving Student who had lots of books, a massive, beat-up desk that I refuse to relinquish to Philadelphia's trash collection, and two sun-yellow plates. But there it was - a shiny steel vat - and there we were, cold and bitter. One massive pot of boiling water to a bathtub of cold water made a wonderful bath. Those days are happily over, and the pot, now sterilized and empty, was waiting.

I researched a few recipes to get a basic idea, but was feeling terribly creative and no recipe came close to sating my ravenous addiction to olive oil and garlic. Dozens of tomatoes went into the food processor with several onions, tons of garlic bulbs, and about twenty jalapeno peppers I grew on the porch. Home Depot was selling jalapeno plants for only $1.99, and I immediately envisioned raising baby jalapenos that would one day be stuffed with sharp cheddar. One can only eat so many jalapeno poppers, after all, and I had a large bowl of them, well-ripened. Into this mix went lots of black pepper and herbs from a container marked "French herbs." I also tossed in a dozen bay leaves until I remembered that the "b" ingredient was basil, not bay leaves, and fished them out. No harm done. I used the entire tomato for the sauce, and had to let it simmer for hours to remove the extra water. The baddogs and I had a lovely time listening to good music and smelling good smells.

The results were quite hot, very spicy, and delicious. And I felt a bit like a squirrel, storing rations for the winter.

Lessons:
1. Insulate tomato plants with *red* plastic, but only if you are prepared to pick forty (yes, forty) tomatoes a day for three months.


2. Remember that jalapenos have a hotness than belies their irresistible cuteness.
3. It is "basil," not "bay leaves."

Missing South Carolina

I grew up in New England where we avoid eye contact and pleasantries unless absolutely necessary. We are also scared to venture south of New York. As we shiver and wrap our cold hands around Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, we imagine hordes of proper Southern ladies in fancy flowery hats plying us with sweetened tea and sugary pies who mispronounce “merlot” as “devil juice.” I felt nearly reckless choosing a college that broke the New York rule. My mother would call during a blizzard to inquire about the weather “down south." When she tagged along with me to a grocery store recently and witnessed me respond “very well, thanks. How are you?” to a cashier, she remarked, with a wry tone, “how chatty we are today.”

In August, Roommate and I both found ourselves in the enviable position of having almost an entire month off work. Roommate chose Charleston largely because Roommates’s sister recently moved there with her husband. Because her husband’s employment with the Coast Guard required him to be at sea for several months at a time, and because she was lonely, and because she was more than happy to offer up free lodging, Charleston it was.

On our first night, I needed to make a late-night toiletries run. I walked into a Walgreens and was *greeted* by a lovely teenager who graciously inquired into my well-being in a *genuine* tone. I was floored; after all, I didn’t think that Walgreens clerks worked on commission. I had been warned about Southern hospitality before, but remained suspicious. I made a quick check that her sweet friendliness hadn’t, say, been a ruse to divert my attention from my wallet. Still there. The strange sweetness continued at dinner. A young man *held the door* for the three of us. “What a bizarre thing, “ I thought. You see, we don’t have chivalry in Boston, but I had encountered it in my English studies to know it when I see it. Strange when a trip intended for nothing but pure Relaxation turns into an anthropological expedition…

The three of us spent weeks exploring old plantations and swamp lands. Mostly, I was me urging the other two on, and demanding they Appreciate assorted views, architecture, plants, and animals.

I fell in love within mere hours. Even now, I am half-considering a move there in the next few years. I moped around for a few days upon our return to the city, ruefully noting that I could never have a palmetto tree here. It was downright challenging to feel stressed in South Carolina (stress is a miserable by-product of being a trial lawyer), and I fantasized about strolling along the Battery at as a work break, watching the pelicans swoop and dive. I miss the palmettos, I miss the not-so-rush-hour traffic, I miss the fact that *everything* was half the price of what I'm used to, if not more.

I also miss the alligators.

Yes, I could live here.

***

The baddogs and I had a lovely autumn weekend. On Saturday Jack slipped and fell while "dominating" a chocolate lab and split his nail. After thirty minutes at a vet Emergency Room, we were clean and bandaged. Jack *adored* having all the triage nurses fawn all over him, and I similarly adored the $20(!!!!) bill. (Jack, of course, would have you believe that the split nail is a "battle scar" endured while gallantly protecting Coco'nut from...something.)

We spent Sunday afternoon at what I maintain is the best dog park, ever. It's huge, hilly, and has a creek. The hills are fantastic for wearing the kids out, and the creek cleans off any muddy pawprints. Jack took a particular liking to a beautiful Great Dane - since his new sister will be a Great Dane, I was especially happy to see two romp around :)