thou shalt not

steal!

On Friday night I went out for dinner and drinks with a few girlfriends. One friend parked on a main street in the middle of the city. We had a lovely time. I got my fill of baba ganouj and garlicky cucumber yogurt soup with iced mint tea and sampled a tahini sauce that made my palate sing and...

Well, I'm turning into my grandmother, aren't I? No story can be told without detailing the food.

Around midnight, we walked Friend back to her car. A few cars away, we all saw that the rear passenger window was open. Now, if you live in the city, you never think, "did I leave the window open?" You know that "oh, great. Someone broke into my car."

Friend did an inventory while I reported it to the police. This city's police handle all broken-in cars by phone these days because, as the officer noted, "there are so many; crime is really, really bad these days."

That's brotherly love for you.

Gone was her GPS, satellite radio, a fistful of random cords, and cool little coin purse. Before you feel pangs in your own empathetic heart: the GPS was low-end $50 unit, the radio was broken beyond repair, and the coin purse contained an estimated $.12. Even better! All those cords were broken. They left the only working cord! And they left the GPS cord, too. Replacement GPS cords, I'm told, are almost as expensive as the unit itself. They also took two vouchers for a complimentary meal for two at any Hilton restaurant. (I'm praying that the thief uses those to treat his mother next month.)

Then, a howl. "They took my WORK clothes!" My heart stopped. I know how expensive work clothes are, especially hers. I quickly prayed that the work clothes would find their way to someone who needed a really, really nice interview suit. "Was it your interview suit?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Nah, just a few shirts," she said, calming down. "And something else, too..." she murmured.

The stolen bag held her dirty, filthy, disgusting laundry from a recent business trip. Work shirts, gym clothes, and unmentionables. All stinky and sweaty. Sexy. But even better (or worse!) she had suffered what she delicately called "extreme ladybit issues" on her trip and the evidence was all over the bottoms.

So that was the haul: a bunch of useless plastic, two meals for two, and a bag of clothing that definitely qualifies as biohazardous material at this point.

Crime doesn't pay, kids!

On a more serious note, I am increasingly saddened by how many people out there have zero regard for the property of others. I'm not naive and I know that there are far more serious crimes. But it makes me sad. Remember when I hit my friend's neighbor's car? The guy was floored that I knocked on his door. Plenty of people told me that I could have - and even should have - just driven off. I don't say that to put the spotlight on my values :) but to show the sad, sorry state we're in. Where honesty and doing the right thing is rare and, when we see something we want, we are loath to let trifling matters of finances or ownership get in the way.

The break-in occurred on a busy street on a Friday night between 8pm and midnight. The car was alarmed. And the Upright Moral Citizen(s) had plenty of time: the mess of papers in the glove compartment was meticulously sorted and several expired vouchers for complimentary meals were left behind. I'm certainly not proposing that any of the multiple people who had to have seen this go down were under any obligation to step in. I know I would not, not with the number of trigger-happy thugs in this city. But, to put it bluntly, one has to have some pretty big cahunas to smash a window and take his sweet time. Don't tell me it was some crackhead, because he had enough presence of mind to sort through the unexpired and expired meal vouchers. Yes, I know that theft or damage to another's property has been around for a while, but...I can't help but theorize that it is related to today's culture of gimme, gimme, gimme, and gimme now!

***
Usefulness of the day: Can't hurt to stash a roll of duct tape and a couple of heavy-duty contractors trash bags in the car just in case you need to tape up any windows!

lime and turquoise

I've been on a lime-green-and-pale-turquoise kick for a while. I think they look just lovely together. This summer, I stocked up on Anthropologie's latte bowls in those two shades with eventual plans to add kitchenry in those shades.

A few friends beat me to it, deciding that it was the right thing to do because I had a birthday/do most of the cooking in my friend circle/like pretty things. (Camera loaned to a friend, but these will do...)

Dutch oven!

Big stockpot!

Covered baker!

Mortar and pestle!

All four are on display in my kitchen bookcase because you simply don't go storing Le Creuset in the cabinet. The alternating lime and teal make me smile every time. And, my, won't mashed avocados look lovely in that bowl?

***
"Sweet surprise" my arse. High fructose corn syrup now linked to liver scarring.

Freecycle

I joined freecycle a month ago in the hopes that a certain item would magically appear. It has not. Or, it has not yet :) But I have been able to pick up massive quantities of baby girl clothing for a new mamma and papa as well as children's toys for a friend's home daycare. Along the way, I picked up a few items for myself...

- About 50 Mason jars. They got put to good use.

- A big box full of oil paints, brushes, and canvases.

- And, today, 6 very large houseplants, a dozen smaller plants, and even a few orchids! There is an area in my house that I am turning into a solarium/library. It gets intense sunlight all day long. I had planned for it to be my bedroom, but then I realized it gets very little heat or AC. On a whim, I put out a "wanted" posting and a woman desperate to unload a fraction of the plants that were taking over her house begged me to come take as many plants as possible.

In addition, I've met some lovely people and even made a few new friends. All while unloading my house of items no longer needed to happy recipients! If you're doing some spring cleaning this month, consider finding unwanted items a happy home with freecycle.

I'm totally loving freecycle right now :)

***

Usefulness of the day: To keep a jar of cookies soft, put a slice of bread at the bottom of the jar.

death, cheese, and other kitchen matters

Today is my brother's 23rd birthday. Given that he is rather into death and my mother mentioned he likes to go shopping for groceries, I thought these spatulas were...well, not cute, but useful. Or something. I told my mother she can use them if he won't. In my silly mind I'm thinking, "maybe he will use these spatulas, discover he likes to cook, get a job as a bus boy, then work up the ladder!" Then I realize that, since age 16, he hasn't lasted more than 2 weeks at any job, and I feel sad. And I wonder what it will take to get him out of my parents' house, but so far arson is all I can come up with.

Now, I typically don't buy passive-aggressive "self improvement" type gifts. But the only things on his list revolved around death metal and I draw the line at shirts emblazoned with disemboweled bloody fetuses. I did find some vodka in a pretty glass skull bottle, but, since I'd rather not mail liquids - particularly alcoholic ones to a 23 year old man - the spatulas (spatulae?) will have to do.

***

Does anyone know if cheese can be frozen? Big blocks of solid (not shredded or sliced) cheese?

***

Sur la Table is now carrying two special new Le Creuset colors. I'm more of a kiwi green girl myself...though I'm oddly drawn to that robin's egg blue shade as well.

monday!

I woke up sick. I'm blaming it on last night's dinner...tasted just fine but evidently was not fine. And because I have no cartiledge left in my knees - another story - changes in weather pressure bring not only rain but also this intense deep dull pain. And because I listened to too much Jimi Hendrix as a child, I practically have a panic attack when I get sick. So I'm curled up on the bathroom floor, alternatively retching and whimpering in pain and trying not to panic while kicking myself for not having anything but condiments in the house - literally, I have dog food, vinegar, Bragg's, and nothing else. Knock knock knock on the door. I figured it must be important because no one knocks on your front door at 6am unless something is seriously amiss. Fabulous.

It was my downstairs tenant. Apparently the two units are sound-proofed from each other except when one alternates retching and whimpering directly on top of the vent. He handed over a box of Saltines and asked if there would be any pitter-pattering; I told him that would be one heck of an immaculate conception and, in any case, that the very good Lord put a nice, Saltine-possessing guy below the vent right when I was on top of it was miracle enough.

With Saltines and a gallon of Pepto in my belly, I made my way to the car for some errands. Suddenly, I didn't feel so well...

Late last night, I popped over a friend's house for ten minutes. As I was backing up, I (thought) I hit an iced-over snowbank. I panicked, prayed that there was no damage and there was not - the bumper was perfect. It was dark, but I ran my hand over and felt nothing. There was a car parked several yards away from the snowback, and I did give it a thorough once-over just to reassure myself that I hit snow, not car. Then this morning, I noticed a dent on the rear side of the car, above the tire. Great. Not that bad, but definitely a few hundred smackaroos. Upon closer inspection, I saw a smear of mustard-colored paint. The same mustard color of Friend's neighbor's car which is usually parked on the street, to the the rear of where I typically park when I visit.

I couldn't tell if the thudding in my chest cavity was a heart attack or the sound of police footsteps on my stairs, coming to arrest me for a hit-and-run. And yank away my law license as the Board takes a rather dim view of law-breaking lawyers.

Frantic, I called Friend and poured out phrases like "be over in 10" and "I have to file a police report" and "I can't believe I hit your neighbor." She told me to calm down and informed me that she couldn't see any damage to his car and to hold off doing anything. Driving up, I saw that his car was a very old Pontiac - the sort of tank you couldn't damage if you tried. I began to relax a little, then saw the handicap placard, the PBA sticker, the "I'm a Vietnam vet" sticker. Crickey. I hit a disabled veteran who is a fan of the police.

I went over with Friend and a bottle of wine, prepared for the worst.

The man practically apologized for owning a car. We looked at his damage - a very tiny, shallow dent - and he said that if I hadn't knocked on his door, he would have assumed someone nicked him in a parking lot if he noticed it at all. All three of us were confused as to how, exactly, I managed to hit his car given the location of the dents, and the nice man actually said it was physically impossible for it to have been me until I pointed out that I haven't been around any other mustard-yellow vehicles. In any case, he restores cars as a hobby and told me it would be no more than $50 in a special vintage paint and sealant...no labor, because he would take care of it himself. He again apologized profusely for basically being a person with a car, asked me for a stack of business cards because he wanted to help out an unemployed lawyer, apologized for not having a driveway in which to park his car, gave me the names of several quality mechanics to mend my car and instructed me to call him if the quotes seemed too high. And then said he was really sorry that his car needed a special vintage paint but way sorrier than my car clearly bore the brunt of the damage.

We got to talking. We once both belonged to the same gun range. Both can trace our roots to pre-Revolutionary War America. We both garden. One of us has two greenhouses in his backyard and excess tomatoes, the other wishes she did and just loves homegrown tomatoes. Through his interest in cars, he knew of my sister's Godfather who lives 400 miles away. Through my interest in suing people, I knew of his wife who does free-lance court reporting. He told me where to buy cheap ammunition. I told him how to have a home office without asking for an audit. I just happened to have an iTunes gift card in my wallet, recently won at my eye doctor's office, but don't own an iPod. His wife's car just happened to get broken into last month and the iPod stolen. And so on.

We are all still unsure that I actually hit his car. I have a rear-view camera and didn't see the car, two engineers and a lawyer well-versed in accident reconstruction couldn't match up the locations of the damage, and after I heard the crunch I was several yards from his car and two inches from a crunchy snowbank.

But you know what? We're all rather pleased that mustard smear found its way to my bumper. Friend - new in town - got to know her neighbor and I think I have a new - if unlikely - friend.

as per request and a giveaway

Someone reminded me that I neglected to include a certain photo in yesterday's tribute.

I was gone for no more than 10 minutes. In that time, Jack opened my child-proofed cabinet, removed an unopened 5lb sack of flour, carried it all the way back from the kitchen area to the dog couch, and went to town.

Please note his little helper to the left, too.
He is a serious carb-a-holic, so I'm sure straight flour was like pure crack to him.
Getting that sticky paste of drool and flour off a cloth couch was Not Fun.
However, I submitted the below picture to the "Marley Has a Mischief" contest last year. Everyone thought it looked like he was giving me a smug little smile. He wasn't - if you know him, you know that is how he looks before a sneeze. We won! First place!


GIVEAWAY:
Part of the prize was money. (I kept that.) The contest folks also send a DVD of Marley and Me. I have zero desire to ever see the movie. It is rated PG and you can read why here. Enter by leaving a comment with a good name (or more) for...a puppy! Because there will be a puppy added to the zoo as soon as I get a job. Puppy will probably be a girl and either be a Dane or a mastiff because one Lab is more than enough, thank you. I'll pick a random winner at some point.

If you want to see cute puppy pics and you're a prayer/sage burner/rain dancer/positive vibe sender, it couldn't hurt for you to pray that I land a job soon :)

Speaking of names, I thought this was too funny not to share. Jack's name is Jack. He is a bad dog. He is a super-dominant Alpha dog which means I am constantly pulling him off other dogs at the park. (Contrary to the rating guidance, there is nothing sexual about it - it is strictly a way to assert one's pack position.) For years, I was yelling, "Jack, OFF! Jack, OFF!"

I've since switched to "Jack, NO!"

Frugality Series 1: Charity

Charitable giving can be roughly divided into two categories: financial gifts/donations of property and service gifts/gifts that can't be purchased. Even if you are short on money and time, there are many ways to offer someone else concrete, valuable help.


I just want to make a preliminary few points...

First, the less fortunate have needs year-round - not just on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Growing up, our church was very active with a specific homeless shelter. What families got to serve the homeless on Thanksgiving caused some serious fights every year. But the people who were most peeved about not being able to serve on Thanksgiving were the same ones who only wanted to serve on Thanksgiving.

Um, don't be like that.

Second, you need not be linked up with an organization or anything official.

Finally, if you are unemployed, seriously consider volunteer work. Not only will it provide networking opportunities, but you can also put it on your resume.

Financial gifts and donations of property
1. Responsible giving. Some will disagree with me on this one, but I believe that I have an obligation to do a little research before cutting a check to an organization. Have you ever felt like a greedy little glutton when you deline to add on a small donation at the grocery store check-out line? Me, too. While most grocery stores do vet the charity - and not all do - their vetting standards might not be the same as mine. If you give to an organization, take a few minutes to find out exactly how they distribute received funds. And if that organization resists such disclosure, take your wallet somewhere else.

The same goes for non-monetary donations. Are you sure that ponytail you lopped off is actually going to cancer patients? Some "charities" sell valuable human hair to wigmakers and are not clear about what happens to those funds. Are you sure that bag of clothing will keep someone else warm? Some "charities" sell clothing for fiber (same idea as scrap metal).

Although it is mostly buying instead of giving, read the fine print before purchasing, say, pink shoes or pink hairties or pink cookie cutters because you want to donate while buying coffee in a pink cup. The portion of your purchase that funds a charitable or research entity might be minimal and capped after a certain dollar amount. (I am using breast cancer as an example only because most of us are familiar with the pink ribbon and I am not at all downplaying the value of awareness. PS: Have you done your self-exam this month?)

2. Donations of vehicles and other property. For some, taking the tax deduction makes more fiscal sense than selling the property. Before you try to Craigslist your car, review whether donating it to a reputable organization is more advantageous than selling it. (If you have a lot of property you want to donate, it is probably a wise idea to swing by your friendly neighborhood tax attorney before handing it over.)

3. Go shopping...but for someone else. Spot a great deal on a shelf-stable food that you don't eat? Give it to your local food pantry. Same goes for toiletries, pet items, and clothing staples like socks, underwear, and gloves. If you play the coupon+sale timing game, you can give a lot for very, very little. This would be a good way to get children involved in giving, too - maybe they could be responsible for selecting toys for a Christmas gift drive.

4. Be resourceful. I did a now-lost post on toiletry kits for the homeless last year. I and my then-roommate traveled a lot but rarely used the hotel toiletries. Because they carry their possessions with them, I reasoned that full-size toiletry products were better-suited for food pantries. We hoarded travel-size toiletries from hotels, put them in a bag with deodorant, snacks, and seasonal items like socks or sunscreen, and passed them out from the car on our way to work. Word got around and I have a few people who regularly drop off bags of small-sized toiletries...including a kind check-out worker who gives me any leftover sample-sized toothpaste from promotional events. You might - due to your hobbies or line of work - have access to certain resources or skills that can be a blessing to someone else.

Service gifts/gifts that can't be purchased
1. Donate blood. Few people are excluded and you get a cookie at the end.

2. Donate bone marrow. I posted on bone marrow donation a year ago, but I think I lost that post when everything crashed. I will devote a full post to the matter in the future, but, in a nutshell: most bone marrow donations today only require a little blood-letting and no actual harvesting from the bone. Even if all donations required from-the-bone-harvesting, someone else gets to live and you get...a few days of lower back pain. Note: I think signing up for the registry through a local drive is free, but if you do it on your own, the kit is a $52 donation.

3. Donate time. Do you have a special skill like webpage design that you could offer an organization? Are you in a profession that makes it possible to donate your professional services a few times a year? (Depending on your profession, check with your malpractice carrier and employer first.) Can you sort clothing, make phone calls, or hold someone's hand and listen? The vast majority of us are capable of doing something, and there are plenty of one-time service opportunities for the commitmentphobes among us. And you can profit, too - volunteering is a great way to network, make friends, and even land a spouse. Think about it: if you're a save-the-whales type of person, you probably want to marry or befriend a fellow save-the-whaler. And what better place to conveniently find concentrated amounts of nice, whale-loving people than at We Heart Whales?

I'm all about convenience.

You can get your kids and pets in on this, too. Most older children can handle sorting boxes of cereal, and many areas have opportunities for well-behaved critters to visit schools for abused children, hospitals, and nursing homes. (No, Jack and Coco don't do this. Coco failed the exam because she doesn't understand "sit" or "come" when there isn't a treat dangled above her greedy little nose. And Jack passed, but was told to come back when he "calms down" and is "less boisterous.")

4. Pray. Or send up positive vibes or burn some sage or meditate or do a rain dance. (Or do "no cold weather" dance for me, because I still haven't unpacked my winter coat).

Do you have anything to add?

birthday cake

A birthday cake for Roommate.

I spent all night slaving over a hot stove 20 minutes running to a 24-hour Shoprite so she could wake up to a birthday cake.

I also can't get decent photos under the kitchen lights at night. Sorry. The yellow walls and orange pendant lights are a bit much.

It is a bread pudding cake with raisins and whipped cream. I know she would have preferred rice pudding, but I can't say "rice pudding" without throwing up a little. I think everyone has one some phrase or food than elicits nausea. That is mine.

I don't think r*** p****** can safely support candles, either.

These are "fast lite" candles, each wick connected by a piece of paper. Evidently, trick candles went the way of side-ponytails.

Trick candles would not be very nice at 6:30 in the morning.

Whipped cream, however, would be just lovely.

And then, later...

Fast lite = no joke.
Please ignore the baddog.

Please do not give the baddog frosting.

Please do not feed the baddog frosting near open flames.

And because cake is really not a proper meal...
Greek salad and jalapeno popper pizza. From a fantastic chain that basically takes a dish - mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, chicken wings, tacos, eggplant parmesan - and makes it into pizza.

Washed down, of course, with light beer.

(Does anyone else giggle when someone orders a triple cheeseburger, large fries, and diet Coke?)

(Actually, it looks like all those diet drinks and artificial sweeteners can cause weight gain. I've been suspect of artificial sweeteners & insulin response for years. The body is smart, but not that smart. Lesson: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is).

***
Usefulness of the day: Free iced coffee tomorrow at Au Bon Pain after 2pm. And later, free rootbeer float from Sonic, 8pm-midnight. Oh my. I stop the caffeine after 9am.

New aprons

My mother made me two new aprons.

One a bit cheeky. R-rated kitchen ware! Oh my.


And one tame. Dark and busy enough to hide the stains.


I have a friend who adores pin-up girls. She and her husband have matching tattoos of Betty Page! I'm going to enlist my mother to make another apron from the pin-up girl fabric as Friend's house-warming gift. Her husband is in the military, and they get a new house - and house-warming gift from me :) - every three years. They are both rather into pirates as well, so I'll see if I can find fabric in a pirate-theme print, too. Pirates and pin-up girls. Some people are just so interesting to shop for!

A FREE day!

Unfortunately, not free from the need to do some work. However, otherwise FREE!

Friend and I started a little game whereas we save up our coupons for free, full size products and redeem together on one day every 3 months or so. It's a fun few hours. We head to Jersey to do this. Jersey, being essentially one large strip mall, :), has every necessary store in a 5-mile radius. Here are the results:

1. 1 24-pack of Ensure. I'm not allowed half the ingredients in it, so this goes to the food pantry. This one wins the "best coupon" award.

2. 2 bags of Riceworks rice snacks. Friend's students in her home-based daycare will enjoy these.

3. 2 bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper.

4. 2 2.2lb bags of holistic dry dog food. These are for Jack. His discriminating palate requires a spoonful of "new" food stirred into his regular food. Otherwise, he gets bored with his regular food and protests eating. I tried to beat him at his own game (offer plain regular food only), but by Day 3 of no eating, I caved. This is one strong-willed dog.

5. 2 12-pack Ensure drink boxes for children. More for Friend's students.

6. 2 containers of Gain detergent.

7. 2 Napolean Perdis lip glosses. We each got to select our own color.

8. 2 containers of face cream from Origins. We're each happy with our own face creams, so these go to a women's shelter.

9. 2 containers of Aveeno face cream. See above.

10. 2 pairs of underwear and 2 small containers of lotion from Victoria's Secret, no purchase required. More for the women's shelter.

11. 2 free Suave products.

12. 2 40-count boxes of Tampax tampons. Friend and I are both very ardent supporters of the Diva Cup, so these go to the women's shelter.

13. 2 bottles fish oil supplements. Friend gave me her bottle.

14. 1 bottle Cascade rinsing agent. I've never had a need for this, but will use it.

We had to hit 3 places: one grocery store, a mall for Sephora, Origins, and Victoria's Secret, and one specialty pet boutique. At the grocery store, I redeemed a coupon code for one (of five!) free Redbox movie rentals. And we started the day with free tea and coffee from Friend's bank. Oh, and Friend had a free sandwich from Chik-fil-a. Not a bad day, eh? (And are we huge dorks or what?)

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Banks have free coffee and tea! And pleasant, smiling tellers! I do all my financial stuff online, so I had no idea. Perhaps time to switch to brick-and-mortar?

Charity, Cheaply: Part V: Time and Service

Part I.
Part II.
Part III.
Part IV.

Sometimes, the most needed gift is the gift of time and service, not money. You need not volunteer as a hospice worker (though it is a lovely thing to do), coach a Special Olympics team, or sign up to do anything on a regular basis to help.

* Do you have a friend or neighbor recovering from surgery? Offer to pick up prescriptions and groceries, or stand in as the Responsible Adult who will drive the woozy patient home.

* Does a friend have a loved one in the hospital? Drop off some comfort food like homemade bread, mashed potatoes, and brownies.

* Offer to house-, baby-, or pet-sit.

* Shovel and salt the stairs of a neighbor who is elderly or disabled.

* Offer to park in a neighbor's driveway if you know they will be on vacation.

* Use your skills to help others. For example, I recently helped a friend with the bureaucratic, insurance, and legal hassles of setting up a home-based daycare, and taught another how to spot a shoddy construction job as he searched for a new home. These are valuable services, and can't be solved by "throwing money at it." Can you teach someone how to cook wholesome, inexpensive meals? Can you teach someone the basics of vehicle repair and maintenance? Can you teach someone how to find cheap home/business furnishings using Craigslist or eBay?

* Tutor a child or adult. Even if you think you're not qualified to teach anything, you can probably do a good job of teaching someone English by having occasional informal conversations.

* Pray.

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Be very careful in using gel candles. These candles have a tendency to explode and pose a serious fire hazard. If you must have gel candles, never leave them unattended.

Also, free rice cake snacks.

Donating Bone Marrow: Part I: The Registry

As of last month, I am now officially on the bone marrow registry as a donor. Please pray that I match someone soon! After all, I am pretty sure than everyone could use a little bit of Allison :)

A few quick swabs, and that was it.

I was especially tickled by the "biohazard" tag. May I have an extra one to slap on my briefcase, please?
My cheek cells are biohazardous.
They could also safe a life.
Want to see Part II and beyond? Well, you'll just have to pray extra-hard for a match!

Will you consider donating bone marrow? It is a one-time cost of $52 for the kit. You are not obligated to donate by adding yourself to the registry. Bone marrow donation need not involve surgery; many people can donate simply by giving blood. The cells in your body could save the life of someone's parent, child, sibling, best friend. If you are pregnant, please also consider donating the cord blood!

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Buy large containers of plain yogurt. Plain yogurt is much more versatile. Add your own frozen berries. Leftover plain yogurt mixes well into a thick soup. And a side bowl of plain yogurt is essential if you are eating spicy Indian food. You can even use yogurt in baking, or make a yogurt/guacamole dip.

Lovely gifts for the kitchen

In addition to The Empress, dear friends gifted me additional kitchen-related items: aprons!

The first is a beautiful pink and ivory apron. One side features lily pads and the other side reverses to a pink print. Two aprons in one, how lovely! I feel beautiful and delightfully domestic wearing this apron. It certainly flatters my coloring.

The second is for baking my dog treats.





Now I just need a third apron to actually cook and bake in, as these aprons are clearly not suitable for drippings, splatters, and floury hands!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Free samples of Airborne. After exhaustive research, I propose that Airborne is nothing more than vitamin C with a hefty placebo side effect. After you get your flu vaccine, enjoy some orange-flavored fizziness.

For those who wear glasses, Bausch & Lomb cleaning cloths.

Charity, Cheaply: Part IV: Toiletry Kits for the Homeless

Part I.
Part II.
Part III.

If you do a lot of traveling, you probably have a collection of travel-sized toiletry items. Roommate and I started collectinging sample-sized toiletries from hotels and freebie sites once the the airlines banned liquids. When the box started overflowing (we both decided it was easier to simply check one liquid bag and carry on clothing), I tried to find a good use for these items. Food pantries were one idea, but figured that these folks had more of a need for full-size items.

Because the homeless lug around all their worldly possessions throughout the day, I reasoned that giving full-size containers probably was not the best idea. For the homeless I see regularly on bridges and at intersections, I hand out bags with soap, shampoo, lotion, deodorant, and the like, along with some snacks. For those that I do not see on such a frequent basis, Roommate and I make larger kits of a fleece blanket, fleece socks, high-calories non-perishables like protein bars, and a hat, scarf, jacket, or shoes if needed. In the summer, we swap the fleece for a baseball hat and sunscreen.

If this sounds like something you might like to do, here are some tips:

1. I hand out most the these kits from my car. Many intersections I drive through on the weekdays have a homeless person seeking donations. I try to keep the front passenger seat stocked with enough kits for the week.
2. The travel-sized toiletries in drug stores are usually exorbitantly priced! Unless there is a great deal on them, you are better off sticking to hotel and free samples.
3. If you can find a single-use packet of laundry detergent, include that as well.
4. Unless it is specifically labeled as alcohol-free, do not give mouthwash. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, and some gum are fine. For the same reason, do not give hand sanitizer. Baby wipes will do.
5. Consider tucking in extra lotion in the winter.
6. Because many homeless people I encounter are not in the best mental health, I am uncomfortable giving those small packets of 2-4 doses of pain relievers. Taking 4 doses of Advil at once is not lethal, but can cause some seriously unpleasant side effects. A better use of these sample-sized OTC medications is to carry in your purse, stash in your car, or simply give to a food pantry.

How to get free or almost-free items:
1. Hotels.
2. Freebie web sites. These freebies also come with great coupons, too. I spent about ten minutes once a week requesting freebies using an automatic form-filler from Firefox. There are thousands of freebie sites out there. I visit Wal-Mart, Shop 4 Freebies, Complimentary Crap, and Arlana. Open a new, free email account (Yahoo, gmail, hotmail, etc.) so your personal account is not deluged. Only request items you know you can use or otherwise put to good use.
3. Flea markets often have brand-new blankets, socks, and other items for a very low cost. And try haggling with a department store! Wash these items before giving.
4. Grocery stores can be a veritable gold mine on Saturday mornings. At my local store, every aisle has at least one free item plus a great coupon. When I mentioned my kits to the cashier last week, he dumped a whole bin of toothpaste into my bag!
5. Occasionally check eBay. Some people will hoard up dozens of sample-sized items and sell for only a few dollars.
6. Don't be afraid to recruit friends who travel a lot. This is not Arbonne or Tupperware. They will be happy to help.
7. Get in the habit of purchasing toiletries that come with a free sample-sized item.
8. With your new email account, sign up for the promotional newsletters from different brands. Some brands will send you free samples or email you coupons for free items a few times a year just for signing up.
9. Around the winter holidays, most people are feeling particularly generous and charitable. I posted a request for free toiletries under the "wanted" section on Craigslist. I recently had a lovely woman give me about 200 hotel items! *** Use common sense and be safe when using Craigslist. I only meet in a heavily traveled public place, like a grocery store parking lot. I bring Jack along for the ride, too - because he is so big and broad-chested and toothy, he looks rather intimidating. If you don't have a Jack, bring along a friend or family member. ***


***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: If you carry a quilted cotton or cloth handbag, Scotchguard it. You'll prolong the life of your handbags for a few dollars. While you're at it, consider doing the same to light-colored coats, being sure to check the fabric and do a test run on an inconspicuous area on the inner and unlined portion of the coat. I never did understand why white wool coats have been recently in vogue! As with cashmere socks, I'm certain the impracticality outweighs the fashion and softness appeal, respectively. Either that, or I'm just messy.

Also, free box of XyliMelts. I've never tried these as I don't suffer from dry mouth and, indeed, know nothing about products geared toward relieving dry mouth, but thought I would pass it on.

Charity, Cheaply: Part III, Comfort and Joy

Part I can be found here. Part II can be found here.

Many people have taken a serious hit in the stock market. Others have lost their jobs. Most of us are doing some serious budgeting for the worst-case scenario.

But can you spare a stamp and a letter that takes less than an 20 minutes to write?

Consider Make A Child Smile. It's a very simple idea: send a cheery card to a child with a chronic or terminal illness. Please do be sure to read MAC's FAQs, paying particular attention to the "dos and dont's" before mailing off a card and their prohibition against forwarding these addresses to friends. A few minutes spent jotting down an amusing story, etc. can, well, Make a Child Smile.

I really enjoy writing to these children! At the end of a long day, recounting an amusing story is always refreshing and relaxing. Some of these anecdotes are baddog-related, and I have no shortage of funny pictures of the "kids." Or, if the profile indicates that the child enjoys cooking or baking, I'll include a picture and recipe of an easy-to-make snack. A joke concludes the letter. Browse the library or Internet for child-friendly jokes. Try here, here, or here. As MAC specifically instructs, do not tell the child the "get well soon" or include specific religious references - many of these children will never "get well" and the families practice a diverse variety of faiths.

There is certainly no need to send a gift, but I occasionally enclose a small item if I think the child will enjoy it. No food items, as per MAC's rules. More than one child has professed a fondness for lip gloss, so I'll tuck in a particularly yummy flavor. Some ideas come from my mother's adventures with cancer earlier this year. When my mother was in chemotherapy and radiation, I made sure to keep her stocked with plenty of super-moisturizing body treats as radiation can dry out the skin. I also sent her some ginger candies to help with nausea and to give her some flavor, as she was forbidden to eat. Finally, because my mother was in lots of pain and unable to sit or lie down for more than a few minutes at a time due to the location of the cancer, I gave her several puzzles, which can not only be completed while standing, but abandoned and revisted as appointments and illness dictates. Simple, inexpensive treats - but they can bring lots of joy and comfort to someone!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Please, please, please do remember to clear the ice and snow from the roof of your car before driving! A chunk of ice that flies from your roof can kill the person behind you. Even if the snow looks light and powdery, there can be a dangerous layer of ice hiding underneath. Also, free coffee.

Charity, Cheaply: Part III, Comfort and Joy

Part I can be found here. Part II can be found here.

Many people have taken a serious hit in the stock market. Others have lost their jobs. Most of us are doing some serious budgeting for the worst-case scenario.

But can you spare a stamp and a letter that takes less than an 20 minutes to write?

Consider Make A Child Smile. It's a very simple idea: send a cheery card to a child with a chronic or terminal illness. Please do be sure to read MAC's FAQs, paying particular attention to the "dos and dont's" before mailing off a card and their prohibition against forwarding these addresses to friends. A few minutes spent jotting down an amusing story, etc. can, well, Make a Child Smile.

I really enjoy writing to these children! At the end of a long day, recounting an amusing story is always refreshing and relaxing. Some of these anecdotes are baddog-related, and I have no shortage of funny pictures of the "kids." Or, if the profile indicates that the child enjoys cooking or baking, I'll include a picture and recipe of an easy-to-make snack. A joke concludes the letter. Browse the library or Internet for child-friendly jokes. Try here, here, or here. As MAC specifically instructs, do not tell the child the "get well soon" or include specific religious references - many of these children will never "get well" and the families practice a diverse variety of faiths.

There is certainly no need to send a gift, but I occasionally enclose a small item if I think the child will enjoy it. No food items, as per MAC's rules. More than one child has professed a fondness for lip gloss, so I'll tuck in a particularly yummy flavor. Some ideas come from my mother's adventures with cancer earlier this year. When my mother was in chemotherapy and radiation, I made sure to keep her stocked with plenty of super-moisturizing body treats as radiation can dry out the skin. I also sent her some ginger candies to help with nausea and to give her some flavor, as she was forbidden to eat. Finally, because my mother was in lots of pain and unable to sit or lie down for more than a few minutes at a time due to the location of the cancer, I gave her several puzzles, which can not only be completed while standing, but abandoned and revisted as appointments and illness dictates. Simple, inexpensive treats - but they can bring lots of joy and comfort to someone!

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Please, please, please do remember to clear the ice and snow from the roof of your car before driving! A chunk of ice that flies from your roof can kill the person behind you. Even if the snow looks light and powdery, there can be a dangerous layer of ice hiding underneath. Also, free coffee.

Charity, Cheaply: Part II: Bodies

Part I.

Part II is my most passionate "Charity, Cheaply" post yet. I'm in the process of polishing up a collection of essays first started back my undergrad days. I love literature on bodies - bodies in pain, suffering bodies, misshapen bodies, culturally subversive bodies, sexual and sexualized bodies, watched bodies, and more. If this sounds at all appealing to you, here is a reading list: Frankenstein, Christina Rossetti's "Goblin Market", anything by Foucault, medical accounts of hermaphrodites from Victorian America, and Queer Latinidad by Juana Rodriguez. The last 3 texts are appropriate for an 18+ audience.

So, with the Body theme...

Donating blood or plasma can actually earn you about $30 at some places. Consider doing it for free, especially if you have type O blood or a rare type of blood. Even if you take several medications, you will probably be considered a suitable candidate for donation. And you'll get a cookie and glass of juice out of it!

Donating bone marrow can save a life. Signing up with the National Marrow Donation Program is a one-time $52 fee. The fee is tax-deductible. Even without the tax deduction, $52 can save a life. Please, consider signing up! Signing up does not obligate you to donate. Because bone marrow matches are sometimes - but not always - made along racial/ethnic lines based on a similar genetic makeup, please especially consider donating if you are a racial or ethnic minority in America. I can't recall the publication, but I read an article two or so years ago highlighting the particular need for African-American donors. (A friend of mine who has an Irish-English ancestry recently matched to a new immigrant from Haiti, so you never know!)

My father donated bone marrow in the 1980s when collection was performed without anesthesia. He reports that the collection pain was tolerable, and the post-collection pain was limited to some aching tenderness on the hip area for a few days. Medicine has since refined collection methods, but the 1-4 days of post-collection aches are expected. I hope that 1-4 days of bone aches won't dissuade you from donating! After all, what is a day of bone aches compared to the life-long heartache of losing a loved one?

I have not yet been blessed by being able to save a life with my bone marrow. If/when I do - and I pray I do! - you can count on an honest assessment of the experience.

*If you are like me - small build and Caucasian - get approval from your physician. The collection process involves several tiny drills into the pelvic bone, and you should review any concerns about osteoporosis with your physician. Asian women - also at-risk for osteoporosis - should do the same.*

Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.
Finally, if your religious beliefs do not forbid it, give serious thought to becoming an organ donor. Make these wishes known to loved ones, and be sure to select the organ donor option for your driver's license. Contrary to Law & Order, being an organ donor does not mean you will not be treated for a medical emergency. I grew up in a Boston Emergency Room (parents are in medicine) and currently sue physicians (read: I know about lots of dirty medical practices.) Organ donation is not the equivalent of a Do-Not-Resuscitate order! You may also choose which organs to donate. Personally, I would like every single scrap of me to be put to good use, if possible. Others would prefer to not donate their retinas or some other organ. All of this is perfectly fine!
Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.


Picture credit.
Picture credit.

Life is too short to use poor quality olive oil.

Yes, indeed. I am an unabashed addict. The amount of evoo I consume in a month is obscene. I have a particularly strong aversion to butter, for reasons I can't quite explain. A pet peeve? When dinner rolls come pre-buttered! (I occassionally feel guiltily un-American when I reflect that I loath butter, sugar, and chocolate. Unless it is a chilled York peppermint patty.)

Here are my favorite recipes for flavored olive oils:

- Press green olives through a garlic press, and let it sit in oil for a few days. The oil will taste wonderfully fruity!

- Let pressed, raw garlic permeate the oil for a few days.

- Place a chili pepper or two in a bottle for about a week.

- I have not tried these, but you might: crushed peanuts, rosemary, basil, lemon, and chives.

With all these recipes, I recommend refrigeration while the extras are present. Once sufficient time has passed, strain and store at room temperature.

These make excellent gifts! Use a glass bottle - I've had luck with old maple syrup bottles - and dress with a ribbon.

Uses:
- Drizzle over homemade bread or pasta.
- Use to make popcorn in a pan on the stove.
- Use in place of evoo or oil for stir-fry, etc.
- Drink.

Benefits:
- Lowers LDL.
- Raises HDL.
- Reduces the risk of ulcers, gallstones, many cancers, and coronary heart disease.
- Lowers blood pressure.
- Helps maintain steady blood sugar.
- Helps maintain a healthy body weight.
- Improves the condition of the skin and hair.

Picture credit.

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Popcorn is an inexpensive and healthy alternative to other snack foods. Once you've made it with evoo on the stove, you'll never go back to microwave popcorn, I promise! Cover the bottom of a large pan entirely with oil, and then add a single layer of popcorn kernels. Cover with lid <--- important. Listen for popping, and turn off when popping slows. Drizzle with just a small amount of olive oil, and add any additional ingredients as desired. Salt is popular, but a spoonful of raw, pressed garlic is also yummy.

The baddogs adore popcorn time! A kernel or twelve always manages to escape. When Roommate is home, we make a batch in the evening. Coco'nut will pace and huff if the popcorn is not started by a certain time :)

Raw garlic is a wonderful antibiotic. Stir a spoonful into soups or add to a salad. I'm blessed with a very strong immune system, but when I feel a sniffle I run out for garlic and parsely. Raw garlic can be a bit tough on the belly if you are not used to it.

Behold...

This is my new Kitchen Aid.



She is Empire Red!



She has been christened The Empress.

As my mother put it, "you are now a Mature Woman." I joked that there is *no need* to get married now! (The Kitchen Aid is a traditional marriage gift.)

So how did I come into the glorious possession of Miss Empress?

I've recently started baking. In November, my parents visited and my mother brought her very, very old mixer. It was actually older than me by a few years. It worked fine for a few weeks, and then died. It died last Friday evening...and I had an order of 500 dog treats that had to be shipped on Saturday morning. Once I realized that, yes, the mixer was dead and yes, I had to mix 500 cookies by hand by morning, I was feeling incredibly frustrated. I castigated the old mixer in a most impolite manner and vocalized these frustrations in a rather undignified way...just as Roommate walked in the door. Now, Roommate has been rather fond of the fact that I now cook and bake (sorry, Roommate, I still don't see myself ever cleaning.) She actually enjoys my dog treats - a handful for breakfast, dipped in soup, etc. And Roommate is a generous person. An incredibly generous, sweet person.

She offered. I refused. She insisted. I refused. She ordered me into the car. I relented. We went to Big Box #1 first. The only mixer on the shelves was a $90 piece of flimsy plastic. "Please don't waste your money on this," I said. "I'll break the mixers in about five minutes." I calculated the hours and the cookies as we got back in the car...if I started hand-mixing now, I could probably still make it to the post office by morning. Instead of going home, Roommate turned into Big Box #2. And there it was, in all her glory. I refused and refused all the way to the register as Roommate told me to (1) accept and (2) be very, very sure Empire Red was ok as she would not be buying me a new Kitchen Aid. Done, and yes.

I cried. And then I cried because I was crying over a Kitchen Aid, which, I'm pretty sure, represents the Chains of the Patriarchy binding me to a lifetime of barefooted pregnantness. Two months ago, I couldn't even imagine myself baking, let alone wishing for a Kitchen Aid. Through my tears, I promised her a lifetime full of homemade pasta, ravioli, bread, soup, and sausage, as Empress came with a pasta attachment, ravioli attachment, bread hook, grain mill attachment, food processor, and sausage-making attachment.

Merry Chrismahanukwanzakah, Allison.

Charity, Cheaply: Part I

Ever since I was a Poor Starving Student, I've sent away for free samples. Toiletries, food, drink, dog treats, cleaning supplies - everything. Whether it is a free box of cereal, free tea, or free toilet paper, it is like opening a weekly birthday present. The travel-sized items are perfect for the gym, emergency travel, or similar. Most of these items come with *great* coupons, too. If you can't use them, give to a friend who can. Or, use them for items you don't use and then donate. Iams gave me a coupon for a free bag of dog food - my dogs don't eat Iams, so I picked it up and gave to a local dog shelter. General Mills gave me a whole book of buy-one-get-one items with which I purchased a whole cart of cereal already on sale for a local food pantry. I think I got $50 worth of cereal for under $10. I stuck that receipt on the fridge :)

Lately, most of these free goodies go to my soldier. I have "adopted" a soldier in Iraq and send him a care package every month. These individually wrapped cookies and granola bars can be stashed in a pocket and dispensed to children. Until a few months ago, I had never encountered a single person connected to the military. I now know how much something as small as a hand wipes, deodorant, and candy can mean to someone aching for his family, friends, and...Little Debbie Snack Cakes. Regardless of whether you think American soldiers should be where they are, consider making someone's life just a bit happier for a moment. I spend under $20 every month: a flat-rate package sent to an APO is $8, regardless of weight, and there are lots of places to buy inexpensive toiletries and snacks. And, if you take 5 minutes to sign up for coupons and free offers, you can save even more!

This month's care package had a definite Halloween theme: non-chocolate candy (it melts in the heat), Halloween-themed hand towels, watercolor paints and a paper pad, and snacks. I gave up looking for Halloween-theme toiletries; soap and toothpaste do not come in orange. Sigh.

I am sure there are plenty of troop care package sites out there. I obtained my soldier's name from Troopcarepackage.com. (Warning: I specifically requested a female soldier, reasoning it would be easier to simply send over two of whatever personal products I purchased for myself, and the site noted that it honored requests based on home town and military branch. I was confused when I was given a male name, but now know that it was intentional due to the number of men who wish to start a romantic pen-pal relationship with a female soldier. Don't request female.)

My freebie routine and rules:
1. I only request samples of items I know I can use. Free is great, waste is not.

2. I spend 5-10 minutes 1 day a week filling out the forms. There are *tons* of free sites out there, but I stick to Shop4Freebies, Arlana's, and Wal-Mart. In my experience, the Wal-Mart samples always come, and come within a few days. Most of these sites update the offers at least once a day, but I don't have the time for that.

3. If I try the item and don't care for it, any accompanying coupons are offered to someone else.

4. I only request truly free samples. Take care not to become involved in an automatic billing program, and ignore "free" samples that require either a subsequent purchase or a survey. (These surveys usually end with a purchase requirement *after* you just filled out a page of opinions!)