what is the world coming to?!?!

In breaking news, the Wall Street Journal reports that leather shorts are in.

For summer.

Sorta how bare legs in a skirt were/are in. For winter.

I think I'm the only female in my generation who would consider going without nylons for a summery beach dress. Maybe. Then again, my skin is nearly blue so going bare-legged is practically an affront to public decency.

Anyway.

Do you see those? Those shorts have a "paper bag waist."

"Paper bag waist" sounds rawther shabby chic. Taking a cue from Mugatu's Dere-lict! campaign, are we?
Ladies, don't be fooled! The only people who should be wearing pleat-front bottoms - and that is what the "paper bag" is! - are the gentlemen who grace the pages of Brooks Brothers and L.L. Bean.

Just watchin' out for ya!

***

Usefulness of the day: Well, if the above wasn't useful enough for you...even if it doesn't look dusty, be sure to regularly clean your computer (and television) screen to reduce eye strain.

Save for trims, I've never had a real, proper haircut. A childhood of traumatic bowl cuts will do that.

***
Usefulness of the day: I made yogurt last week, for the first time ever, and had great results. It was so much easier than I expected! If you are interested in trying it out, start here.

weekend update

I had a lovely weekend; hope you all did too :) A friend took me to a fancy schmancy restaurant Saturday night because I was simply dying to wear a bright pink skirt.
I think days of solid rain will do that to a girl.

Oh! And an award from LilliGirl. Thank you! Seven things about myself...

1. I love exposed brick. And olive oil. And puppy breath. And avocados.

2. I eat foods even if they hurt my tongue. Salt & vinegar chips, Super-Sour Blow Pops, and Sour Patch Kids are prime offenders. Speaking of sour, if anyone comes across Super-Sour freeze pops, let me know. They were in the Fla*Vor*Ice line by Jel-Sert.

3. There is a part of me that would totally up and join one of those right-wing Libertarian militia groups...but not really. See "fancy schmancy restaurant" and "bright pink skirt," above.

4. I joined eHarmony, but the result was kinda like this so I canceled.

Picture credit.

5. I used to be terrified of dogs.

6. I love to shop...for other people. Several friends give me a budget, credit card, measurements, and let me fill their closets. Shopping for myself is too frustrating; when I do find something I like, gratification is delayed a week due to the inevitable tailoring.

7. I'm very clumsy and accident-prone. I could be in an empty padded room and still find a way to hurt myself. I tried a yoga class for grace, but tripping into my classmates weeks into the semester did nothing for my self-esteem.

Nominations: I nominate you! You are all lovely and wonderful. Can I link to a few random articles/websites you might find interesting or amusing?

100 photographs that changed the world. For good reason, some photos are disturbing. Human suffering is never G-rated.

Incredible photo essay on poverty and young mothers in Troy, NY. PG-13.

Snopes.com. Use their handy search bar before forwarding anything. Wide variety of content; G to Mature.

For cat lovers :) G.

Yet another reason to read food labels. G.

yellow dog

One of my friends announced that she got me an early birthday present that would arrive within a week. I told her I like surprises, but she couldn't help herself and told me exactly what it was.

Interesting. Bears a slight resemblance to someone I know.

To my Jersey readers: skip this post

Emails between my mother and me...


Allison's mother (who has yet to understand how to compose an email in something other than all caps!)
HOPE THAT ALL IS WELL IN PA AND NJ. YOUR FATHER NOW HAS ANOTHER DOG TAG NECKLACE [Allison: "another"? I've never seen him in any necklace, ever!] AND , COMBINED WITH THE OTHERS, MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE HE COMES FROM NJ AND IS ITALIAN [Allison: My ancestry is definitely not Italian. Otherwise, I might have a bit of color to my so-white-I'm-blue skin.] WE JUST CAME FROM AN ITALIAN BBQ AT THE LAKE, FRIENDS OF DAN AND CONNIE, DAD FIT RIGHT IN. LOTS OF TANNED BOATING FOLKS, SHOW OFFS IN SKIMPY OUTFITS AND HIGH HEELS [Allison: do I want to know how my father fits right in with high heels?]... AT A BBQ AN THE LAWN AND BEACHFRONT. HARD TO WALK IN THOSE ON PAVEMENT. I GUESS THAT I SHOULD ADMIRE THE SKILL OF THOSE WHO CAN WALK ON THOSE 4 INCH PLATFORM HEELS IN SAND. [Allison: my mother always looks for the best in others. Unless they are New Jersey Italians. I think she watched too much Sopranos. Or something.] HARDLY MASAI TRIBE SNEAKERS. [Allison: my mother and I are smitten with Masai sneakers.]

GOD BLESS

LOVE, MOM



My response. Note how I am also using all caps in the hopes that she will change her ways!
SEND PICS OF HIM WITH THE DOG TAGS. YOU HAVE A CAMERA IN YOUR CELL PHONE. [My mother just got a new phone. I purposely got her the same phone I have so I can teach her how to use it. She has yet to turn on the camera my sister gave her a year ago.]


Mom's reply. (No pics, but also no all-caps.)
the new necklace is a dog tag in silver. It is also a piece of black sting ray skin, framed with silver. Wait, it gets better. There is a silver dagger, in relief, on top of the black sting ray skin, which is then framed with silver. All hanging from a thick shiny silver chain. It contrasts with the three other gold chains and pendants currently around his neck. One a gold crucifix, another a gold dollar coin.

He DID go to school in NJ for two yrs. [Allison: well, clearly, that explains why my father suddenly started wearing necklaces - plural! - 40 years after spending a few semesters in NJ.]


---
I know you all are trying to wrap your heads around all this:

1. What does a German physician in his mid-60s outfitted in multiple gold and silver chains look like?
I'm wondering that myself, actually.

2. What's with the sting ray skin? Is that some kind of surfer look?
See above. He DID go to school in CA for two years.

3. Does your mother hate Italians?
No. Most of their friends are hard-core Italians. From my very first Christmas, we join a family of four generations for the Italian Christmas Eve tradition of seven seafood dishes. My mother just finds (1) anything outside Boston proper, (2) New Jersey and Philadelphia Italian trial lawyers and (3) the home decor philosophies* of South Jersey and South Philadelphia Italians rather amusing.

* Trust me. You would, too. It took me a while, but I finally figured out that these folks put up gargoyles, door-guarding lions, and Venus de Milo statues in their yards not to be cool and ironic, but because they think it looks nice.

My diaper bag

Yes, I have a diaper bag. Two, in fact, but is my favorite one. Back in my undergrad days, I spent a lot of time at an area duck pond, feeding the snapping turtles and coaxing the yellow-billed white ducks to eat from my hand. (Same duck pond that Seymour calls home.) I noticed that many mothers had these marvelous, multi-pocketed bags. I especially loved the several exterior pockets, perfect for bottles and smaller items like keys and a phone. I replaced the bottles with two Nalgenes - one for tea and one for water. For school, the wide design held my oversized laptop and books perfectly. I still use it to tote work with me to a coffee house in the weekends. For trips with the dogs, the pockets were great for holding a water for the pups and me, plastic bags, treats, toys, and towels for wet Jacks and muddy paws. How convenient! Oh, and it's cotton and can be tossed in the wash, too. Why do moms get all the brilliantly designed products? :)

***
I don't work for them, but I love Nalgene bottles. They last for years and don't crack or absorb most flavors. I've tried other brands, but Nalgene really is the best. I outfit mine with a spill-stopper guard, and swish with unflavored vodka if the bottle ever holds to a scent. If you're in the market for a water bottle, be wary of manufacturers that claim their bottles are "FDA approved." BPA is FDA-approved! If you want a BPA-free bottle, bypass the "FDA" language and just look for "BPA free."

Also, Scotch-gard your cotton handbags to keep them looking great.