Thanks!

I've been having a blah couple of days. Today, I decided to make bagels, cream cheese, cardiologist-on-speed-dial mac & cheese, and tres leches cake for a pair of friends. Recipes coming soon. I was up to my elbows in dough when my phone rang. I glanced at the number, didn't recognize it, and let it go to voicemail. Thinking that it could be importana, I opened the voicemail and immediately recognized the voice of my sweet law school friend (calling from his fiance's phone). We haven't seen each other for three years, but we keep in close contact. (He lives clear across the country).

My sweet friend had a sweet message: I passed the MA bar exam.

And I have to giggle, because I've passed three bar exams, and each of those times, I only knew I passed because someone else told me.

PA: I knew the results would be posted on a specific day by 5pm. Instead of clicking F5 every millisecond beginning at 8:59am, I decided to sleep in, get a pedicure, and then wander home and check. I was awoken by a text message, and then another, and another.

NJ: Um, same thing. Except I got my eyebrows done.

MA: I did not know when results would be posted. I was pretty sure I failed for one, and, for another, being licensed in MA was more of a nicety than a necessity. I checked the page several times a week, usually when someone else asked if I had the results as opposed to me remembering to check.

So, there it is. 3 states. Hopefully, no more. Thank you so much for your prayers! And, heck, feel free to send anyone taking any bar exam over to me...evidently, I'm decent at passing them.

sunday dinner, new job

Sunday meals usually consist of whatever produce I picked up at the flea market...yesterday, sweet white corn, lucious heavy mangoes, tomatoes, carrots, white peaches, strawberries, garlic, and ginger, for belly-soothing ginger tea. I always thought I didn't like corn. But then...my flea-market buddy bought a roasted ear from a vendor, doused with garlic salt and hot sauce, and munched as we wandered around the stalls. I tasted hers, spraying bits of hot corn all over my face, and high-tailed it back to that vendor.

I probably walked around the rest of the day too blissful to notice the corn stuck in my teeth.

Sunday lunch: grilled sweet white corn rubbed with pepper and garlic and salt, then topped with hot sauce. It is so good.
Fresh tomatoes.
Mango and carrots topped with my hummus.
***
New job starts tomorrow! I'll go into the details later.

post-exam musings

1. I have no clue how the exam went. I walked out of there feeling like I failed, which is, allegedly, actually a sign that one has passed. I walked out of two other exams (that I passed) also feeling as though I failed, so we shall see. In mid-November.

2. My hotel is insane. I was seriously upgraded because my room does not have water views (also, I think, because I told the concierge that I was in town for the bar). While it may not have water views, the upgraded room, does, however, have more square footage than my apartment and several more bathrooms and televisions than one person would ever need. I am immensely tickled that I am sitting in a massive suite with little more than a backpack crammed with books and sweatpants, my Nalgene, and a laptop. I feel like accessories more appropriate to my surroundings would include the following: (1) large quantities of cocaine and (2) high-priced escorts.

3. After the last day, everyone goes out to celebrate. I didn't know anyone there and really just wanted to go back to my hotel and shower using a shower "system" that requires a manual to operate. Which I did. But I got antsy. I threw on a pair of jeans and headed out with (1) no idea where I was going and (2) unfamiliar with the area. The concierage and valet both had shots waiting for me when I left, bless their hearts. Somehow, I managed to wander smack into some kind of ethnic/cultural festival. I don't know what precise culture we were celebrating - eastern European? - but a central part of said culture definitely included handing out copious amount of free liquor. At some point, I got lost and had to phone a Philadelphia friend who grew up in Boston for directions on how to make it back to my hotel without walking off a pier.

4. Yesterday, I met my sister's boyfriend and then my mother and I got pedicures. I somehow only got my first pedicure a year ago and promptly fell in love. I don't particularly enjoy the process, but there is nothing quite like waking up and seeing pretty toes. Attached to one's own feet. That makes me happy.


5. Oh, and a funny exam story...

Scene: about 1200 people standing in line after 2 days of testing, waiting to retrieve checked bags. We had just finished 10 essays in 8 hours, and 200 multiple-choice questions the previous day. The sweet Midwestern girl who sat next to me and I were chatting in line. She asked for advice as to where a sibling moving to Philly should live. I said something to the effect of "basically, all of Philly is bad except for certain areas," and rattled off the names of safer neighborhoods. Mid-rattle, some girl several people behind us started yelling. "That's not true!* It is not a dangerous city!** Stop telling her lies!*** I went to Temple!****"


Ok.

I looked at her. She looked at me. I cocked my head. And I burst out laughing. "You're going to start a fight with me now? After two days of testing? Seriously?"

And then I peed my pants at the absurdity of it all.*****

* Yes, it is.
** Yes, it is.
*** See above.
**** Which is in one of the worst areas.
***** Ok, that is a lie. Sue me.

(yet another) prayer request!

Please pray that I pass the bar exam. It is Wed and Thurs.

I promise, I'll do a give-away or something when I come back :) Um, the more you pray for me, the more entries you get! (Kidding! That is utterly disgusting. So is charging for prayers, but I won't name the website that does that..."if your prayer is extremely urgent, $75.").

In totally unrelated news, I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore. I want to be a SAHW with so many puppies you'd want to call me a crazy dog lady, but you wouldn't because I'd be so hip and cool. And be given boatloads of money to design and build my own home in the city. With a roofdeck garden and wide hardwood floors and a big island in the kitchen and a pedestal sink in the bathroom. Then when all that is done, I'd get bored and likely get myself into trouble because a pedestal sink can't compare to the thrill of, I don't know, having someone walk into your office with a scalpel left in his abdomen. Which ain't a bad thing, because I could represent myself because I am totally all brushed-up on crim law and procedure right now and could get a little ROI from my insanely expensive bar review course.

So...yeah. Guess I'll be stuck in lawland. Toaster explode? Surgeon cut off the wrong leg? Slip and fall in (hopefully) a hotel? Get hit by (hopefully) a limo or tractor-trailer? Your first lawyer screwed up your case and you wanna sue? I'm your girl.

Please pray that I pass the bar exam.

I'm off...

to take yet another bar exam. So I can (hopefully) be Esq. in 3 states.

While I am still in bar exam cram mode, I will kindly refrain from using such sexy phrases as "malignant heart," "holder in due course," "collateral estoppel," "real and personal defenses," "defeasible fee," and "long-arm statute."

I will not, however, refrain from making a whole bunch o' prayer requests...are you ready?

1. Please pray that I pass the exam. It is July 29 and 30 (Wed and Thurs).
1A. Please pray that I can focus and keep my anxiety levels down.
2. Please continue to pray for my dear friends, A. and S., that God would move S.'s heart back to A.
3. Please pray that my friends E. and K. find jobs soon.
4. Please pray that L.'s delivery (as in baby) goes well.

In other news...
Gardening
1. I think my cucumbers caught some disease. I harvested a half-dozen massive cucumbers, but the rest don't look so hot.
2. The tomatoes, in contrast, are starting to scare me. Right now, they're still green...but there are approximately 300 (seriously) large green ones with hundreds of little tomatoes coming in, too. And still growing! I don't know if the 14-ft support stakes will contain them.
3. My dear eggplants are doing quite well.
4. My green and banana peppers are also coming in, but the jalapeno plant is not.
5. I think the raspeberries are done for the season. I collected 4 gallons (from 6 plants), washed, and stashed in the freezer.
6. My attempt at corn was a fail.
7. The zucchinis keep flowering, but no fruit yet.

Kitchen adventures
I am cooking up a storm because I am s.t.r.e.s.s.e.d. Roommate is coming tomorrow and will stay in the house with Jack while I am away. I baked her 6 pizzas, a platter of fried green tomatoes, and this cake. Except my oven is broken, and I had to make it in the toaster oven in 2 batches, so...hello, layer cake. I did not follow PW's recipe exactly, and I'm glad I did not. I dumped 2 cups (instead of her 1 cup mashed) of prunes in the food processor with some water and maple syrup and a pinch of salt, then simmered it all down. This meant that I did not have to add any sugar to the batter. I added in a lot more allspice, cinnamon, and nutmeg, too. For the icing, I cut out some of the sugar with maple syrup and added in some allspice and cinnamon. This got good reviews last week when I made it for the office. Oh, and I'm dubbing it "spice cake" or "Christmas cake" instead of "prune cake."

Poor prunes. They get such a bad rap. I don't think the recent "dried plum" PR blitz fooled anyone, either.

Anxiety
I've been so insanely stressed and anxious that I can only keep down tomatoes and string cheese. Don't ask; I know tomatoes are acidic and I have no explanation. I made the mistake of trying toast the other night, and promptly regretted it. I know that no one enjoys throwing up, but - blame it on too much Jimi Hendrix or something - when I get sick I'm pretty sure I'm choke and die. Which means I bawl and nearly have a panic attack. When Roommate was around, she would give me a big hug and refrain from calling me crazy. Now that she's gone, I just have a dog who does everything possible to get in the way.

myspace and such

Last night I attended a lawerly function with my two mentors, one of their wives, and a retired federal judge who is well into his nineties. Mentor #1 is driving with Judge in the front passenger seat. I'm in the back with Mentor #2 and his wife. Judge, who is one of the kindest people I have ever had the privilege to know, turned to me. In a kind voice, he asked...

"So, are on my face?"

Mentor #1 swerved and got a few choice hand gestures from the drivers around us and Mentor #2 choked on his gum, thereby giving me a few blessed seconds to process that one.

"No, I'm not, Judge. I don't think anything can compare to a thoughtful, handwritten letter."

Somehow, I don't think that's going to make it into the firm's monthly newsletter.

***

Usefulness of the day: "Take these three items: some WD-40, a vice grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino. (Atrocious acting, decent story line).

Comic credit.

Irresponsible Hysteria

I subscribe to Bill Keller's daily devotional emails. I don't agree with 100% of what he says or how he approaches certain matters, but many days I'm blessed by his emails. I emailed him last year, and he - personally - phoned me several times with an answer and a few follow-ups. He is one of the few people whom I honestly believe truly means it when he closes his messages with a simple "I love you." That said, I was disappointed nearly to the point of feeling ill by Wednesday's email. With the subject line "I'll be in jail one day soon for preaching the Bible!" he launches into the following:

I told you by the end of the year, there would be laws on the books making it ILLEGAL to speak out against the sin of homosexuality, every [sic] from the Bible. That could actually be a reality within the next month as Congress is seeking to jam such a bill through THIS WEEK!

I know that people have differing views on homosexuality, but that is not the point here. Nor am I trying to start a debate on homosexuality either - let me be clear on that. I also know that many of us have strong feelings on homosexuality. That's fine, too. What is not fine - or responsible - is to resort to hysteria and untruths. If you present a problem, publicize it, and urge immediate action, please, do your research. In addition to being flat-out wrong, I'm sure that the sponsors of the bill and who knows how many legislators are wasting too much valuable time responding to concerned - but ill-informed - citizens. Though I am using Mr. Keller's email for this post, a similar sentiment that "unless we act now, we will be forbidden to read from the Bible!" can be found in many mainstream religious groups (usually Christian).

I strongly suspect that Mr. Keller is channeling Ake Green, a Swedish pastor, who was found guilty of offending homosexuals in a 2003 sermon in which he described homosexuality as "abnormal, a horrible cancerous tumour in the body of society." Sweden does not function under the United States Constitution. Even if the proposed law Mr. Keller references did seek to circumvent the Constitution - which it does not - such a law would immediately be litigated and ultimately overturned.

I believe that Mr. Keller is referring to H. R. 1592, a hate-crime prevention act that expands hate-crime status to a crime where the crime is specifically# motivated by "actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability of the victim." Speech is not a hate crime, and speech is not even an issue in H.R. 1592, which is quite clear that a hate crime can be only one that involves "assault, aggravated assault, or shooting." To be even clearer, the bill refers only to criminal assault.+ And, to be perfectly clear for the benefit of those who whip themselves into a frenzy over the phrase "sexual orientation", the bill closes with the following:

Nothing in this Act, or the amendments made by this Act, shall be construed to prohibit any expressive conduct protected from legal prohibition by, or any activities protected by the free speech or free exercise clauses of, the First Amendment to the Constitution. [emphasis mine]

Rumors like "religious leaders will be sued/jailed for reading from Leviticus" or "priests will be forced to marry same-sex couples" are just that - rumors. There is a firm respect for religious practice in the religious sphere. Houses of worship enjoy a tax-exempt status. The Salvation Army is free to legally discriminate against homosexuals. Heck, if smoking peyote is a bona fide, integral part of your religious practice, go and toke up. [This is not legal advice and I am referencing State v. Mooney.] Though it is not my area, case law on religious freedom in the religious sphere seems quite strong - and the purported punishment for a politically incorrect sermon absolutely and obviously violative of that tradition.

Even more absurd is this idea that the government can force a religious leader to perform same-sex, interracial, or interreligious marriages. A county court clerk can certainly face orders to perform a same-sex civil ceremony where same-sex marriage is the law because a government official is charged with upholding the law. A government employee does not have the discretion to only enforce laws he finds to his liking.* If there is an example of a religious leader forced violate his religious beliefs on a religious matter, I can't find it.** Indeed, there is no shortage of instances of a religious group enjoying freedom from matters a non-religious group does not. For example, a church employer is free to discriminate against women as Sunday School teachers if the reasoning is grounded in a bona fide in interpretation of Paul; a secular employer is obviously not.

What is especially curious about Mr. Keller's prediction is that such a proposed law would violate not only the Constitutional prohibition against excessive government entanglement with religion, but also the prohibition against the government infringing the right to speech. I won't launch into a full history lesson on free speech as I think we all know the basics. There are clear-cut tests for when the government can limit speech, and limiting anti-homosexuality speech would fail the test. To be sure, painting "abomination!" in blood on Ellen DeGeneres' front door would likely constitute harassment - but so, too, a racial epithet. The government can usually regulate speech-related conduct - rarely content. Thus, the government can require that the Westboro Baptist Church secure a permit prior to protesting (regulating conduct), but not refuse the permit due to their message (content). If Mr. Keller wishes to preach against homosexuality from the pulpit, he can do so knowing the Constitution protects his speech - and that H.R. 1592 does, too.

# The motivation is crucial for a crime to rise to the level of hate-crime status. Mugging a black person because you want money is not a hate crime. Pushing a black person to the ground, yelling racial slurs, stomping on his head, and then stealing his wallet is likely a hate crime because the racial slurs indicate that the crime was motivated by race. Contrary to popular opinion, hate-crime legislation does not create new crimes, nor does it make hate or hate speech illegal. It simply adds an additional punishment to the underlying crime where there is clear evidence that hate was a motivating factor.

+ Criminal and civil assault are two different creatures. Civil assault is intentional act that causes a reasonable apprehension an imminent harmful or offensive contact to or about the body that is unconsented. It need not involve actual contact; the reasonable fear of an imminent contact is assault. If you are approached by someone who shoves a knife in your face and demands your wallet, you probably have a reasonable fear that the knife is about to make an immediate, harmful contact with your body and you did not consent to such contact. That is a civil assault. Note, however, that there must be an act. Mere speech is not enough. Thus, if you quote Leviticus while waving a gun in his face, you've probably given that person a reasonable fear of an imminent and harmful contact of the gun or bullet to his body.

* Some higher-level government employees do enjoy some discretionary powers, but such powers are limited and generally clearly enumerated.

** The courts are clear, however, that freedom of religious practice does not include the right to engage in ritual murder or child sexual abuse. Serious legal crimes where someone is killed or abused seem to be the limit. The use of certain hallucinogenic drugs (State v. Mooney, 98 P.3d 420 (Utah 2004)) and ritual animal sacrifice (Church of Lukumi Babalu Aye v. City of Hialeah, 508 U.S. 520 (1993)), have been upheld as religious rights.

4/4 Photo Game

Amy tagged me for this game.

Here are the rules:

1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.
   
2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.
   
3. Explain the photo.
   
4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join the fun. (If you're reading, I tag you. Just let us know that you are auto-tagging in the comments.)
   

This is my current home when it was almost done being gutted and rehabbed. It was a formerly grand rowhome that had been hacked into (illegal) apartments with no regard for the house's bones. I turned it into a duplex. This particular floor used to have a crack pit near the windows. A crack pit is basically an indoor campfire, but it is not used for s'mores :) I tore down every single non-supporting wall - I love, love, love big open spaces. This is the main living floor of the top unit. Beautiful wide planks of hardwood were hidden beneath awful black and white linoleum and a few layers of biohazardous carpet. I kept the exposed brick walls and venting - I love the industrial look of it!

Here is a close-up of the brick on the living floor - there is more upstairs, too. If you look closely, you will see that one side is darker than the other. The darker half was in the same apartment as the crackheads, and the crack fumes stained the brick. The other half was in another apartment's bedroom.

I tore off the back of the rowhome and added an addition to each of the 4 stories. The photo was taken just after an old bathroom was ripped out - you can still see the plumbing fixtures for the toilet. The prior owner just plonked a bathroom on a little built-out ledge - massively dangerous and illegal.

Previously, the house ended where you see that big piece of plywood behind the stairs. I pushed the whole building way out.

These are the new and improved stairs. An open design, in keeping with the airy, modern theme, and cherry-red iron support beams for fun.

This was an extremely fun toy.
***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: For those of you who thought law was dull and boring, let me summarize what appeared in my daily briefing for the state of New Jersey. In Gorzelany v. Simon & Schuster, Inc., Law Div., Bergen Co. (Toskos, J.S.C.) (9 pp.), "[p]laintiffs complain that the use of their photographs in the book "Hot Chicks With Douchebags" was defamatory. The court concluded that there is no actionable defamation. The photographs in which the plaintiffs appear and the accompanying text are used for humorous social commentary...Failing as an assertion of fact, the book must be treated as protected expression of opinion."

So I guess the take-away lesson is that you're out of luck if you find yourself in this piece of literature - I use the term loosely here, no, I have not seen the book. (Ok, I really dislike that d-word when used outside the hygiene context, but I loved the absurd humor of it! I choked on my tea when I read today's briefings. Too good to not share.)

Legal Cocktail Chatter: Part IV: McDonald's Has Hot Coffee

Part I: Unsavory Clients
Part II: Law School
Part III: The Bar

Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.

Wasn't the McDonald's hot coffee case ridiculous?
No. It was actually a legitimate case grounded in basic tort law principles and remains good law. The "spun" version was the greatest piece of PR ever for insurance companies on the defense side.

McDonald's discovered they could use a very cheap bean for the coffee, but they had to use very, very hot water to extract the flavor. There are industry standards for precisely how hot a beverage should be. In this case, McDonald's ignored their own industry standards so they could save a few pennies. McDonald's had been warned repeatedly to lower the temperature of their beverages. They had even faced numerous similar lawsuits. They calculated the estimated cost of lawsuits, and decided it was still cheaper to use poor quality bean while paying for these lawsuits. In other words, McDonald's anticipated that their over-heated coffee would cause burn injuries, and that McDonald's would be liable for those injuries, but decided that the cost of paying for these injuries was less than the cost of using a higher quality bean that did not need to be heated to such high temperatures.

Come on...coffee is supposed to be hot!
The coffee was not merely hot. Most hot beverages will start to burn the skin within 3-5 seconds. In contrast, the coffee here was "instantaneous destruction of flesh" hot.

Could't McDonald's just have slapped a warning on the coffee?
Businesses owe their customers a certain duty of care. Giving an open cup of "instantaneous destruction of flesh" hot coffee to a drive-through customer breaches that duty of care. The potential for serious injury is easy to foresee, and the solution (always include a lid, lower temperatures) does not place a significant burden on the business. And, no, you don't escape liability just because you give a warning!

Isn't that lady a gazillionaire now?
The original damages, decided by a jury, represented McDonald's coffee profits from two days. These damages were eventually reduced to under $300,000, which is a very fair judgment given the extent of the injuries - third degree burns to the inner thigh and genital area.

Why don't you lawyers believe in personal responsibility?
We do. We also believe in corporate responsibility.

Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Enter my raffle! Also, free Krispy Kreme donuts today.

Legal Cocktail Chatter: Part III: The Bar

Part I: The Unsavory Client
Part II: Law School

How on earth am I supposed to pass the Bar?
At a minimum, sign up for Barbri. The mini PMBR courses are phenomenal. Add on Barbri essay courses as desired. If you are taking more than one state, take each essay course. Different states are looking for different things in the essay answers.

You should not work at all while studying for the Bar. You should be studying a solid 6-10 hours every day. Remember that someone - yourself, your firm, etc. - is paying thousands of dollars for this. Do not waste the money.

Do not underestimate the value of flash cards. Get a few hundred index cards and carry them with you everywhere!

Take as many practice tests as possible. Barbri will give you more than 2000 questions. Do them all. Do every single essay, too.

All those courses are really expensive. Any shortcuts?
Yes. Sign up for Barbri. Hunt down PMBR lecture CDs on eBay. Start looking for these CDs several months prior to the Bar to get the best price. Many firms will cover the cost of these courses - be sure to ask if your firm does not bring up the issue. Ask newly admitted attorneys for their study materials.

How did you pass the Bar?
I focused on the big issues, like hearsay and homicide. I did not seek to understand everything - most of my studying was memorizing rules and examples. Do not fret about understanding the Rule Against Perpetuities. For one, no one understands it. For another, there will only be 1-2 MBE questions on RAP, if any. Spend hours trying to understand the RAP, and you've just wasted time you could have been using to know your recording acts. Don't waste time! Memorize and move on.

I think it would be a better idea to understand everything.
Nope. Sorry. The bar exam is not about in-depth understanding. It is about minimum competency. Those who seek to understand everything will over-analyze on exam day, get flustered when they do not understand a question perfectly, and probably fail at least the MBE.

Which state is the easiest/hardest?
CA is commonly held up as a "hard" state because of its low pass rate, but one should also note that CA has the most unaccredited law schools. NY is viewed as tough, but NY tends to test NY-specific rules on the essay day. I've taken the very different bars in two states, but I can't say that one was easier than the other.

I heard that some applicants wear diapers to the Bar. Is this true?
I know that it has happened. Personally, I'd waste too much valuable time trying to work up the courage to relieve myself in a room with 1500 people.

What do I do the week before the bar?
1. Pack your plastic bags. Depending on the state, you will be allowed a small plastic bag with various items. I labeled each bag "Day 1," "Day 2," and "Day 3." Unwrapped mints, Advil, medication, eye drops, pencils, ear plugs, cash, IDs, etc. Be very sure you understand what is allowed in the exam room, including the dimensions of your baggie.

2. Pick out your clothing. Be sure you understand the state's dress code! Hats, hoodies, flip-flops, and heels are not allowed in most states. Because you will not know the temperature of the exam room, I recommend sneakers, socks, relaxed bottoms, and layered cardigan/button down tops. Delaware candidates do not have the "relaxed" option. If you feel more "on" wearing a suit, go for it.

3. Confirm your hotel reservations.

4. Decide what you will eat for lunch. Will you be able to bring a lunch? If not, are there area stores where you can purchase your lunch? Make sure you have cash and some small bills and change.

5. If at all possible, go to the exam site a week before the exam. I scouted out one state's site. It made me feel more comfortable. And I learned that there were no vending machines on site.

Other tips?
1. Do not panic. Many people fail because they panic. There is no need to panic if you have been sticking to Barbri's study schedule.
2. Use earplugs.
3. Eat a decent breakfast and lunch.
4. Stay at a hotel within walking distance of the test center. You do not want to hit traffic on exam days.
5. Go out for dinner with fellow candidates after Day 1, but get back to your hotel early. Do not go back to your room after Day 1 and hit the books. Have a nice dinner, take a bath, and review your materials before bed.
6. Get up very early. I had to be at my site by 8am, and was up at 4am. I enjoyed a nice breakfast and reviewed my materials. I did not sleep in until the last minute.

What if I don't pass the Bar?
I don't know. I've passed two Bars on the first try, and presently studying for a third state. I do know that the chance of passing as a second-time taker is dismal - between 10%-30%, depending on the state. Try to avoid failing. If you do fail, take every single PMBR offering.

Legal Cocktail Chatter: Part II: Law School

Part I: Unsavory Clients

Was law school the worst three years of your life?
No. My undergrad days were worse. Law school is not that hard. It involves a crushing workload and some sleepless nights, but the student who reads every case carefully and gives some thoughtful consideration to the overarching themes will be fine. Once you get past the first year, it gets to be exciting and fun. If you are not ready to do massive amounts of tedious work, you are not going to make a good lawyer.

Does the 1L year crush your soul?
The 1L year is tough because law school demands a totally new way of thinking. For this reason, I strongly recommend the aspiring lawyer to at least take several Philosophy classes. I also recommend taking a year or two to live and work and pay taxes and get health insurance in the "real world" between undergrad and law school. Treating law school as an extension of undergrad is not a good idea.

How did you deal with 1L stress?
I opted to make up dirty law-related puns with my study group instead of hitting up Thursday-Saturday Bar Nights. If your mom was water, we'd all have Riparian rights...I adversely possessed your girlfriend last night...Law students do it in their briefs...Lawyers do it with pre-trial motions. Go on, it's fun. Property terms are especially fruitful, you filius nullius.

How important is law review, anyway?
Important. It is a requirement for some employers. You should spend your 1L year getting as high a GPA as possible. With most journals, you always have the option of writing-on. If you do not make it, write and submit your writing on your own to other publications. You need to have at least one work of refined legal scholarship with a 2:1 text:footnote ratio under your belt. Remember that while journals are only for the top 10%, the other 90% still get jobs.

Isn't law review boring?
A lot of it is, yes. As a 2L member of a journal, I spent 10 hours/week combing through footnotes and more if I was on a deadline. As a 3L editor, it got more fun: I got to edit entire articles, not just the citations, and mentor 2L members. Law review is not designed to be fun. Think hazing: painful and sometimes stupid, but it earns membership in an exclusive club. (That's my impression of hazing, at least - my school did not have sororities. It was a sorority.)

Is the Socratic method scary?
Unfortunately, more and more professors are softening or abandoning this method. I suspect it is due to the large number of Precious Snowflakes hopped up on "self-esteem" who fill the lecture halls these days. Even if you make an absolute idiot out of yourself, don't worry. For one, you will do it at least once, so get over it. For another, grading is based solely on one final exam, and is anonymous. Finally, it is easier to make mistakes in front of a professor than a judge.

How can a college student prepare for law school?
Choose a writing-intensive major. Law is 90% writing. If you don't like to write, you will be unhappy. Do not major in "pre-law." Law schools will teach you the law. They do not have time to teach you how to write or think. Major in anything. Law schools prefer a variety of majors. I strongly recommend an English or Philosophy major. Keep up with your sciences, too. And take a part-time job in a law office. Even if you are just scanning and copying, you will see how legal practice actually works. Hint: it's not Law & Order. In fact, you might not be able to watch the show anymore.

I like to argue and people say I'm good at it. Would I make a good lawyer?
Lawyers need strong reasoning and analytical skills. Some lawyers will never set foot in a courtroom, and most of law practice - even for litigators - is writing and research. At least on the civil side, trials are increasingly rare. Due to the high expense of going to trial, the vast majority of lawsuits settle. Some lawyers spend more time arguing with BrickBreaker than anything else.

I'm really passionate about X. Would I make a good lawyer?
Those who attend law school specifically for one reason or political viewpoint tend to make for poor students and poor attorneys because they are resistant to new ideas and new ways of thinking. Have your goals, but be open-minded.

Is being a lawyer exciting?
Sometimes, but it depends on what you mean by "exciting." Lawyers spend most of the day reading, writing, and researching. Some of the work can be painfully tedious, as can some of the clients and adversaries.

What is law school like socially?
High school with alcohol.

Do I have to know Latin?
No. Most states are embracing plain-English writing and tossing out Latin and other forms of legalese.

When will I be able to impress friends and family?
After one semester, and you get one year to be annoying and gloat. Then it gets old.

Will I be rich?
Depends. A shareholder at a large urban firm will do well. A lawyer at a non-profit or government agency will make less. Some six-figure positions actually work out to pay less than minimum wage due to the hours.

Other advice?
1. Be sure to socialize with non-law people. Crash a med student party. Study at the coffee shop near a business school. Hit up a bar frequented by contractors.
2. Get any mental health or substance-related issues under control before law school. The rate of depression and alcoholism among lawyers is astronomical.
3. Get one good suit for interviews instead of three cheaply-made suits. A good tailor is your best friend: a poor-fitting cut ruins high-quality wool.
4. You are not that Special just because you go to law school. If you are a Precious Snowflake, you need to repeat this every time before mingling with those not in law school.
5. Don't be surprised if legalese becomes a part of your everyday vocabulary. You will accuse your boyfriend of negligent infliction of emotional distress when he forgets your birthday, or tell your wife she fails the Reasonable Person standard when she wants you home by 10pm.

Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.

Picture credit

Legal Cocktail Chatter: Part I: Unsavory Clients

I am starting a new series called Cocktail Chatter. These questions will be culled from my conversations with non-lawyers - in other words, questions posed to me at cocktail parties and other casual social events. Get a cup of tea, martini, or glass of water and join in!

Why do lawyers defend child molesters/rapists/terrorists?

1. Lawyers took an oath to uphold, protect, and defend the Constitution. Every person has the right to a fair trial. Lawyers do not judge their clients; this is the job of of the jury. A lawyer who defends even an admitted child molester is doing the job he swore to do, and do well.

2. Ethical rules demand that an attorney zealously represent his client. In criminal cases only, the attorney is required by the Rules of Professional Conduct to argue advantageous circumstantial inferences that he knows to be false, though he cannot lie. This is how strong the mandate of "zealousness" is! The general public fails to understand how deeply ingrained this idea of "zealousness" is to the art and practice of law. An attorney is not practicing the ethically mandated zeal when he launches a half-hearted defense. Failure to practice with due zeal can get an attorney disciplined or disbarred.

3. A physician who prescribes life-prolonging blood pressure medication to a known felon does not condone criminal activity when he writes the prescription; he simply promotes the health and well-being of his patient. Similarly, a lawyer who defends a criminal does not support or condone criminal activity, but he does support the Constitutional rights of the accused.

4. Like it or not, the Constitution does not go out the window at the whim of public opinion.

What if you believe your client is innocent at first, but then realize he is not?

While there are some very specific guidelines on when and how a lawyer can "fire" a client, it is ultimately a decision made by the judge. A judge will not allow a client's case to be prejudiced by a sudden change in attorneys. The general rule is that if withdrawal can be done with no prejudice and for with a darn good reason (e.g. the client is using the lawyer to commit fraud), a judge will probably allow it.


Please note that nothing here is to be construed as legal advice. This post does not in any way establish an attorney-client relationship.

Picture credit.

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Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Do not use your home address on your luggage tags. You do not want strangers or thieves knowing where you sleep. Use a business address instead. Need new luggage tags? Why, here they are, free!