How to apply for an apartment

I'm trying to get two apartments rented, and, oh, the things people say!

1. Upon meeting your prospective landlord, do not ask her the best place in the neighborhood to "get my drink on." I do not rent to party animals. If, however, you are a borderline obsessive-compulsive neatnik who spends her evenings knitting and watching Masterpiece Theatre, feel free to throw that in.

2. Do not tell your prospective landlord that you have mastered the art of removing store security devices from computer software packages. I'm sure your "art" requires a unique combination of fine motor skills and loose morals, but keep it to yourself.

3. When filling out a rental application, do not write "none of your business" on the line asking for annual income.

4. When your prospective landlord asks for clarification when you write "other" or "it's complicated" for a source of income and you still remain vague, I will presume you are a drug dealer or escort.

5. Do not list your college GPA. I don't care. Congrats on Dean's List...12 years ago.

6. If you have an unneutered pitbull, do not call him a "Lab mix." If you have a Rottweiler, do not call him a "Lab mix."*

7. Do not tell your prospective landlord that your hobbies include dying wool. I can see my beautiful floors stained fuschia already.

8. If you do things like confirming the showing date, showing up on time, etc. I will think you are a responsible person. I will think you are a responsible person who will take care of the apartment if you follow-up with a thank you.

9. For heaven's sake, keep your thoughts on Obama, health care reform, and tort reform to yourself. No need to get crazy and peel off your Obama bumper sticker, but unsolicited, unrelated political philosophies are highly unnecessary. And you probably don't want to hear my thoughts on any of the above.

10. Do not look at the wonderful kitchen island with a big range and pendant lighting and say, "man, this is perfect for beer pong night!"

11. If the apartment comes with a grill, do not tell me you are a strict vegan and that I will need to provide you with a new grill. Guess who isn't getting provided with an apartment?

*I have nothing against pits or Rotties...but my insurance carrier does.

lime and turquoise

I've been on a lime-green-and-pale-turquoise kick for a while. I think they look just lovely together. This summer, I stocked up on Anthropologie's latte bowls in those two shades with eventual plans to add kitchenry in those shades.

A few friends beat me to it, deciding that it was the right thing to do because I had a birthday/do most of the cooking in my friend circle/like pretty things. (Camera loaned to a friend, but these will do...)

Dutch oven!

Big stockpot!

Covered baker!

Mortar and pestle!

All four are on display in my kitchen bookcase because you simply don't go storing Le Creuset in the cabinet. The alternating lime and teal make me smile every time. And, my, won't mashed avocados look lovely in that bowl?

***
"Sweet surprise" my arse. High fructose corn syrup now linked to liver scarring.

I had a birthday.

I've really never celebrated my birthday. Not my thing. Maybe when I hit 30 I'll throw a big bash.

I start the day by calling my parents at the crack o'dawn to wish them a very happy aniversary of the day of my birth, a.k.a the best day of their lives.

For the past few years, my "party" has been an afternoon pedicure, then, later, dinner, drinks, and desert with a single close friend. I really wanted to go to one particular restaurant - right across from where I wanted my desert - but getting reservations on a Saturday night was impossible. I morphed into shameless dirty slimeball trial lawyer mode and tried to sweet talk my way in to something around 7pm...they weren't having it.

We went to one of our favorite places instead, where I got fried green tomatoes and my new go-to drink: Grey Goose, soda, and (lots of) olives.

Ended the night with basil gelato. Man, do I have weird tastes.

Good times!

***

For fluffier popcorn with fewer unpopped kernels, soak the dry kernels in water for about 10 minutes and let dry.

Misfits

I have yet to find a house of worship. I have visited many and recently semi-settled into one where I just didn't feel comfortable. Throughout my life, I've often felt "too X for the Y people and too Y for the X people." I don't fit in many places.

For the past few months I have participated in a young ladies study group. Definitely did not fit in there.
I think the final straw was last week when I said that my marriage models are Gomez and Morticia Addams because they are so clearly deeply, passionately, and almost madly in love with each other after years of marriage, children, and family members living with them. Don't worry - I linked it back up to Song of Solomon. I was politely told that one doesn't talk about s-e-x in Bible study. Which confused me, because (1) it's in the Bible, (2) I was hardly even approaching any level of explicit discussion and, mostly, (3) because once the hour is over and the Bibles are closed there is a whole lotta very explicit talk about sitting in a gentleman's shadow and tasting his sweet fruits. Blowing into the garden, the flowing of spices, and pleasant fruits. Perhaps some discussion over whose boyfriend has the tallest apple tree.

Ahem.

Then I happened to meet some crazy lady. Crazy in a good way. I have a special affinity for the crazies. They're interesting. I love interesting. We got to talking and she invited me to her church. I couldn't tell from the name what kind of place it was. "We're all misfits there. Catholics, Protestants, Evangelicals, Jews (I'm going to presume of the Messianic persuasion), even an couple who used to handle snakes. And there's no preachin', just teachin'."

I'd go just for the former snake handlers.

So, that is my plan for Sunday: (1) farmer's market (2) meet the misfits, get taught, politely decline any profferred kool-aid, and (3) dog park time.

I'm excited.

***

Usefulness of the day: Phone get wet? Remove the battery and bury in a bowl of white rice. Not a guarantee, but it just might work. Ask me how I know. Unrelated, be careful when using the facilities with a cell phone in the rear pocket of your jeans.

homemade yogurt!

A few people emailed me asking for details on the homemade yogurt...here it is.

I never considered making yogurt. Fermented dough (and grape juice) I can handle. Growing bacteria - deliberately! - in a dairy product was, I assumed, a complicated, tricky process best left to the pros.

Then, I went grocery shopping with a dear friend. She suffers from frequent, full-body yeast infections and only 20-30 ounces of Fage and fistfulls of probiotics per day give her any relief. That easily adds up to several hundred dollars per month. She joked that because I am unemployed, slowly losing my sanity, and crave projects because I am a total domestic divagoddesssiren, I ought to try making her a big batch of yogurt.

I didn't even know yogurt could be made. I guess I thought it sorta just, you know, existed.

Hope the people who put me through boarding school, college, and law school didn't read that.

With a little Googling, I was apprehensive. Yogurt starter? Who the heck sells that? Dirty, crunchy, Birkenstocked hippies, I'll bet. (Actually, yes.) Just as I was starting to schedule in a visit to the dry cleaner's - you know how their patchoulified mari-ju-anna smells just oozes into everything - I realized I could just use plain yogurt with active cultures.


But what about the business of temperature? Bringing to 185 sounded easy enough. But how could I keep the yogurt at 110 for 12 hours? I wasn't wild about using the oven, nor do I own an insulated cooler. Then Coco started yapping about something outside and I decided to borrow her electric heating blanket. Perfect.


What the heck, let's try this!

You will need:
Milk
Plain yogurt with active cultures or yogurt starter
Candy thermometer
Heating pad/electric blanket
Optional: cream

1. Set yogurt or starter on counter. It needs to be room-temperature.
2. Bring milk (optional: add some cream) to 185 degrees, stirring often enough so nothing burns, then turn off burner.
3. Let milk cool to 110 degrees. This could take an hour or more, depending on whether you leave it on the counter or stick in the fridge. Do not get all impatient and rush to stir in your starter.
4. When milk is 110 degrees (a little less is ok, too), stir in a few tablespoons of the room-temperature yogurt.
5. Find some way to keep yogurt covered and around 110 degrees for 12 hours. I covered a gallon pitcher with plastic wrap, which allowed the yogurt to be covered while letting me hook the thermometer to the side. I wrapped the electric blanket around the yogurt. With the blanket beneath, around, and on top of a plastic-covered pitcher, the yogurt stayed at or slighly below 110 throughout the night. A heating pad with a towel would also work.
6. When yogurt reaches the desired consistency, eat. Or, for a thicker yogurt, strain through coffee filters.

Now, did you see what I did up there? How I bolded the temperatures? The proper temperature is really all that matters, similar to how proper kneading is really all that matters with a good loaf of bread. Rumor has it that above 110 degrees kills whatever bacteria is it that turns scalded milk into yogurt.

But let's not talk about bacteria. Just keep it to no more than 110.

See? Really easy. Definitely worth a try if you go through a lot of yogurt. A caveat: this is real yogurt. If you're used to what passes as "yogurt" - yogurt, corn syrup solids, artificial sweeteners, thickeners - this yogurt will taste rather sour. But it's ok! You can add in a little vanilla extract (serious yum), honey, or fruit. On its own, it is definitely an acquired taste. Personally, I don't like this yogurt or Fage on its own - but I usually eat yogurt in smoothies.

As with bread, the downside is that there is a lot of waiting around for stuff to happen. But, we're talking about milk and a little yogurt. Worst-case scenario, you're out five bucks.

Woohoo! I feel all granola mother earth. Where's my tie-dye?

Prayer request & update

Can you please pray that I find a job really, really, really soon? Unemployment is not good for my sanity!

Also, thank you for praying for baby Ben. A few days after the hospital told the parents he would be in the NICU for at least a month, he was discharged :)

Save for trims, I've never had a real, proper haircut. A childhood of traumatic bowl cuts will do that.

***
Usefulness of the day: I made yogurt last week, for the first time ever, and had great results. It was so much easier than I expected! If you are interested in trying it out, start here.

Life

I watched Discovery's new series Life Sunday night and I cannot recommend it highly enough. The photography is beyond amazing, and some of the behaviors featured have never been seen before, let alone captured on film. Amazing, incredible, beautiful. Anyone else watch?

sometimes...

...I love Jack best when he is all squished up and tiny.

Discontinued!

I ran into a lovely acquantance this week. She is 90-something, spry, and just radiates goodness. And she smells like roses and cinammon rolls. But she looked down and dejected that day.

"They discontinued my bra. 60 years. And they went and discontinued it."

I think every female in the room heaved great sighs of sympathy before offering their own "I loved it, so, of course, they discontinued it" story. Here is my list:

1. The Black Donnollys.
2. Arrested Development.
3. Super-Sour Fla*Vor*Ice.
4. Strawberry-flavored chunks of dried rhubarb from Trader Joe's.
5. Gap's Om perfume! Why, oh, why?
6. Abercrombie's Fierce men's cologne, which technically wasn't discontinued...but the new formulation is nothing like the original.

What's yours?

***
Usefulness of the day: Buy diapers on Saturday March 20 at Toys R Us, get a $20 gift card.

a bone to pick

At the non-insignificant risk of sounding like your friendly neighborhood crazy dog lady, I sometimes forget that Jack is, well, a dog. And I have concurrence on this: two former roommates actually admitted to thinking, for just a split second, something like "well, if you can't pick me up from the airport, Jack can."

Seriously. This dog has been known to hold a grudge for days where he refuses to make eye contact with whomever embarrassed or offended him. That's not normal canine behavior. I can attempt to drown bathe Coco and still find her clamoring to sit on my lap 10 minutes later.

Anyway. Because he does so many human-like things - operating a toaster oven, faking a back injury, unlocking child-proofed cabinets - I am amused when he does typical dog stuff.

Like burying a bone.

I have never known him to bury anything. I have a suspicion there is a nest of my unmentionables somewhere in the house - to be waved around when a male walks through the door - but haven't found it. (Fun fact: approximately 71% of the city's plumbers, electricians, and contractors know my bra size.)

There he goes! It was dark and I was confused for a good few minutes as to what he was doing.

Wonderful use of that big block head.
Good job patting down the dirt, too.

Unfortunately, for all his hard work...

I dug that bone right back up when he was inside. Not leaving food items so close to the house when furry whiskered creatures with tails (don't make me say the word) are waking from hibernation.

***

Usefulness of the day: Use plain yogurt where you would use mayo or sour cream. Tuna salad is wonderful if you substitute a blend of yogurt and a little mayo for mayo!

Justified

Anyone else catch FX's new show Justified on Tuesday?

I did.

Raylan Givens makes my heart go pitter-pat.

Oh my.

The show itself decent. I'm still miffed about the cancellation of The Black Donnollys, though, so, in my mind, nothing compares. I generally avoid legal-type shows, and could have done without the blood, but I've definitely plugged Tuesdays 10pm-11:11pm into my calendar for the season.

Southern drawls and cowboy hats generally have that effect.

***

Usefulness of the day: Buy 1 5lb bag of potatoes, get 1 free.

Enchiladas!

I made enchiladas last night, and I am ever so glad I did. After Middle Eastern, Mexican ties with Indian for my second-favorite food. They were eaten before I could grab my camera. Fast, easy, tasty!

Torillas
Oil
Enchilada sauce
Fillings: I used extra-sharp cheddar and green chilies, but shredded meat, textured vegetable protein, or refried or regular beans would all work, too. Please shred your own cheese; pre-shredded cheese melts differently due to the cornstarch coating.
Toppings: I used diced avocado, cilantro, and a squeeze of lime, but just about anything goes...plain yogurt/sour cream, shredded lettuce, cheese, onions.
Equipment: skillet and tongs for frying, baking pan.


Heat up a skillet of oil and lightly fry each tortilla. If you skip the frying, the tortilla will soak up the sauce as it cooks and make for a yummy but mushy enchilada. Let them dry on a paper towel, spoon in your filling, and carefully wrap and place seam-side down in your pan. I tucked in the ends of the torilla, but I don't think that's required. Once all your enchilads are nicely snuggled together in the baking pan, pour a can or more of enchilada sauce over them and bake. I used the middle rack at 375 for about 30 minutes.

Make these tonight! Just in time for St. Patrick's Day :)

***
Usefulness of the day: Using a more intensely flavored cheese (e.g. extra-sharp cheddar) will allow you to use less cheese.

when min pins smile

She doesn't smile at bunny ears.

Or t-r-e-a-t-s.

Or piles of warm laundry.

Or Pug-O-Ween parades (we sneak in as pugs.)

Or Christmas!

So when I catch her in a rare smile, I race to grab a phone or camera.

It can be a little tricky - when she is in full-on panic mode, she looks happy. Exhibit A.

And Exhibit B.

Here is what makes her smile...for real:

The weed whacker.

Sun.

And electric blankets cranked to "H."

That's all.

weekend update

I had a lovely weekend; hope you all did too :) A friend took me to a fancy schmancy restaurant Saturday night because I was simply dying to wear a bright pink skirt.
I think days of solid rain will do that to a girl.

Oh! And an award from LilliGirl. Thank you! Seven things about myself...

1. I love exposed brick. And olive oil. And puppy breath. And avocados.

2. I eat foods even if they hurt my tongue. Salt & vinegar chips, Super-Sour Blow Pops, and Sour Patch Kids are prime offenders. Speaking of sour, if anyone comes across Super-Sour freeze pops, let me know. They were in the Fla*Vor*Ice line by Jel-Sert.

3. There is a part of me that would totally up and join one of those right-wing Libertarian militia groups...but not really. See "fancy schmancy restaurant" and "bright pink skirt," above.

4. I joined eHarmony, but the result was kinda like this so I canceled.

Picture credit.

5. I used to be terrified of dogs.

6. I love to shop...for other people. Several friends give me a budget, credit card, measurements, and let me fill their closets. Shopping for myself is too frustrating; when I do find something I like, gratification is delayed a week due to the inevitable tailoring.

7. I'm very clumsy and accident-prone. I could be in an empty padded room and still find a way to hurt myself. I tried a yoga class for grace, but tripping into my classmates weeks into the semester did nothing for my self-esteem.

Nominations: I nominate you! You are all lovely and wonderful. Can I link to a few random articles/websites you might find interesting or amusing?

100 photographs that changed the world. For good reason, some photos are disturbing. Human suffering is never G-rated.

Incredible photo essay on poverty and young mothers in Troy, NY. PG-13.

Snopes.com. Use their handy search bar before forwarding anything. Wide variety of content; G to Mature.

For cat lovers :) G.

Yet another reason to read food labels. G.

Harry

For reasons utterly unknown to me, for the first time ever I responded to my dog park association's call for a home. For a 2 year old American Bulldog named Harry. So named because he was discovered outside the Harriet Tubman Museum as a puppy. Solid white with a single black ear. I phrased the initial email carefully: "I am interested in learning more about Harry." Not fostering, certainly not homing...just tell me more.

The more was good. Really good. Harry was described as extremely submissive, which is a must with my super-Alpha Jack. He was further described as exceptionally snuggly, which melted me down to a puddly pool of goo on the floor and made my heart go pitter-pat. Ol' Frick and Frac are many things, but snuggly is not among them. He was further described as good in a car, mostly good on a leash, but still learning not to jump on visitors. That's 100% workable.

I agreed for a meeting, mentally committing to a max of a trial weekend if the visit went well. Then I reviewed my list of potential dog names - heavy on the female side - and came up with three suitable monikers.

I had a feeling I would leave the meeting wanting Harry. And I did. But I had a few misgivings. Nothing that I could articulate, just a feeling that this might not be the best idea...despite that it really seemed like he would be a perfect match. But he was sweet and docile and got along just swimmingly with mine. I called a friend on the way back and opened with, "I need you to talk me out of a potentially bad decision."

And she did. She pointed out that Jack and Coco are basically 1.5 dogs, but adding a third larger dog would change the picture. Owning a dog in general ties you down. Being out of the house for more than 6 or so hours requires a litle advance planning or else a frantic call to the dog walker. For now, I have one couple across the state who will take the dogs for several weeks at a time and one nearby friend who, in a true emergency, can take them for a night. Neither will take 3. Adding a third would pose some serious limitations - which is fine - but not fine for where I am in life right now.

The entire point of adding a third is for Jack. He is ten and, though I suspect he is going to be eating my socks until age thirty, there will come a time when he starts to slow down. Adding a young dog can extend a senior's life for up to two years. As for the little one, well, she is reverse-aging. The blacked-out pieces on her adoption paperwork finally faded enough to reveal her age, also ten. Six years ago, the vet estimated her age in the nine-to-twelve range, and that range dropped with every annual physical. With Jack barely slowing down and Coco marinating in the fountain of youth, a new addition isn't crucial at this time.

So...I really wanted good ol' Harry. There will be a time for a #3, but it won't be today.

Pics from his foster mom:

***

Usefulness of the day: Every time I listen to this, I giggle. (G-rated.)

Garden ideas?

Today, I saw just the tiniest hint that my lilacs are stirring.

Which means the lettuce should arrive within a month.

Oh! And then my bright sunny daffodils, which smell ever so faintly of lemon cake.

Which means that while those are lovely to look at, I need to start planning for the hard work.

My garden consists of five 4x4 boxes, plus a big hedge of six raspberries.

The raspberries are in their third year and I don't do anything to them other than pick and get pricked.

These are my tentative plans...what do you think? Any suggestions? The area gets a ton of sun. I'd like to maybe start some kind of fall-veggie, too...pumpkin? I do have room for one more 4x4 box in my yard. I prefer to plant what I can't buy for less at my local farmer's market...which means I will plant tomatoes, but won't plant corn, garlic, or ginger.

Box 1: Tomatoes (6)

Box 2: Tomatoes (6) I love me some lycopene! Insulated with red plastic, tomatoes act rather like bunny rabbits :) and give insane amounts of fruit. I'd like to go from 8 plants to 12 this summer with the grand hopes of eating tomatoes till my belly bursts and canning the rest. I'm still miffed over the dadgum late blight that destroyed my tomatoes last year.
Box 3: Cucumbers. For the past 2 years, I've only needed 3 plants in a box. I'm sure there is a neater way to do it, but I always end up wiring up random items - baby gate, sides of an old dog kennel, etc. - around the box and they go crazy. Vining plants, indeed. As a side note, a few months of growing cucumbers taught me way more about God than I learned in a decade of half-arsed Sunday School instruction. And last summer, a dear atheist friend did some serious pondering when I left her in charge of my plants while I was away for a few weeks. Again, the cucumbers. Strange where the Lord hangs out. Someone told me it was blasphemous to say that. I don't know.

Box 4: Green, banana, and jalapeno peppers. The green and banana are eaten raw and the jalapenos are usually added to soups.

Box 5: Eggplants (6). Grilled and made into baba is how they typically meet their happy ends. If they weren't so adorable as babies and beautiful as mature fruit, I wouldn't have even considered them. But, really, who can resist those purply stems?
Possible Box 6? Don't really care for zucchini. Last year's basil got fried in the full sun and I don't have much use for mint. Maybe more cucumber? Ideas?

***

Usefulness of the day: One of my favorite salads is right around the corner! Chop tomatoes, cucumbers, and white onions. Sprinkle with salt, drizzle a little evoo, and mix. Very cooling. Just don't go on date after.

Baby Ben update and another prayer request

From Baby Ben's grandma:

"Baby Ben is off the heart-lung machine and his little lungs seem clear. He had really good X-rays on Sunday and they tested him Monday and Tuesday to see if he could breathe on his own and then he passed all that stuff so they did the surgery late Wed afternoon to remove the heart-lung apparatus.

He is still going to be hospitalized for about a month, they think, to deal with the pulmonary hypertension and I guess they are sending a bunch of tissue samples to Johns Hopkins because they really have no idea what happened to this kid - but at least he is moving in the right direction."

***
And a prayer request for my sister, K, too. She is applying for graduate programs in a very specific area of study. She received a rejection letter from her "safety" school this afternoon. On her birthday. She is very much hoping to get into a program at UMass-Boston as it offers the exact studies she wants. Please pray she gets in! Oh, she also broke up with a long-term boyfriend a few days ago and is scrambling to find a roommate as she and her boyfriend shared an apartment...so life is a little stressful for her right now :(.

Freecycle

I joined freecycle a month ago in the hopes that a certain item would magically appear. It has not. Or, it has not yet :) But I have been able to pick up massive quantities of baby girl clothing for a new mamma and papa as well as children's toys for a friend's home daycare. Along the way, I picked up a few items for myself...

- About 50 Mason jars. They got put to good use.

- A big box full of oil paints, brushes, and canvases.

- And, today, 6 very large houseplants, a dozen smaller plants, and even a few orchids! There is an area in my house that I am turning into a solarium/library. It gets intense sunlight all day long. I had planned for it to be my bedroom, but then I realized it gets very little heat or AC. On a whim, I put out a "wanted" posting and a woman desperate to unload a fraction of the plants that were taking over her house begged me to come take as many plants as possible.

In addition, I've met some lovely people and even made a few new friends. All while unloading my house of items no longer needed to happy recipients! If you're doing some spring cleaning this month, consider finding unwanted items a happy home with freecycle.

I'm totally loving freecycle right now :)

***

Usefulness of the day: To keep a jar of cookies soft, put a slice of bread at the bottom of the jar.

yellow dog

One of my friends announced that she got me an early birthday present that would arrive within a week. I told her I like surprises, but she couldn't help herself and told me exactly what it was.

Interesting. Bears a slight resemblance to someone I know.

Cleanliness:Godliness::Organization:?

I have a little too much of an interest in organization. It comes at the unfortunate expense of cleanliness, which means that I elect to alphabetize the DVDs before doing the dishes. Color-code my shirts before washing the floors. Inventory the bath products before scrubbing the toothpaste off bathroom mirror.

And so on.

I recently came into an assortment of 50 or so Mason jars, mostly in the half-gallon size. My eyes lit up and my heart may have gone pitter-pat. While I would like to get into canning this summer, there is no need to let dozens of storage solutions get dusty, now is there?

Oh, how those two litle words - storage solution - make me swoon.

Every single thing in my kitchen that would fit into a jar found its way there.


Red beans.
Black beans, too.

Lentils.

Brown sugar and oats.

And so on, filling up more than four dozen jars with beans, rice, pastas, flours, teas, powders, seeds, and nuts.

I knew I had to stop when I found myself eyeing something black and yappy for the last jar.

Instead, I dashed out for 2lbs of Sour Patch Kids. Truly, a staple.
Every single non-perishable has been jarred and tucked away. I'm simply basking in the glow of an organizational high. I was temped to go grab a neighbor and show her what I accomplished - because, you know, I'm five years old and need a gold sticker - but, I can only be that crazy new neighbor to so many people. Half of them have seen me nekkid and the other half won't be trick-or-treating at my house any more. I did the next best thing and phoned another unemployed lawyer, who came over, ooohhed and aaahhhed over my madskillz...and then dumped out my Sour Patch Kids and went all tribal sand art on them.
Clearly, I've met my match.