Life

I watched Discovery's new series Life Sunday night and I cannot recommend it highly enough. The photography is beyond amazing, and some of the behaviors featured have never been seen before, let alone captured on film. Amazing, incredible, beautiful. Anyone else watch?

Justified

Anyone else catch FX's new show Justified on Tuesday?

I did.

Raylan Givens makes my heart go pitter-pat.

Oh my.

The show itself decent. I'm still miffed about the cancellation of The Black Donnollys, though, so, in my mind, nothing compares. I generally avoid legal-type shows, and could have done without the blood, but I've definitely plugged Tuesdays 10pm-11:11pm into my calendar for the season.

Southern drawls and cowboy hats generally have that effect.

***

Usefulness of the day: Buy 1 5lb bag of potatoes, get 1 free.

luxury

I do not have a big-screen television. I do not have a Dutch oven. My knives are significantly overdue for a sharpening. The former two are deliberate choices warranting their own posts and therapy sessions, the latter is just laziness.

So when a friend with a big-screen tee vee, a brand new cherry red Dutch oven, and a brand new set of fancy Japanese knives had to travel for business recently, I graciously offered to pop over her house for a few hours each night she was gone, you know, to make the place look lived-in and such.

"That's so kind, but I think I'll be ok. I don't want to put you out." she responded to my gracious, generous, wholly un-self-serving offer.

"Well...if you want someone to watch your television and break in your Dutch oven and knives, I'm happy to do so."

She thought about that for a moment, then decided that, why, yes, there has been a rash of break-ins a few blocks away and better safe than sorry.

Thus far, I've made a loaf of sourdough with fresh thyme, French onion soup, and homemade noodles with chicken and vegetables in a garlic broth...and watched entirely too much "I'm Pregnant and..." and "Teen Mom."

ah, luxury.

***
Usefulness of the day: The next time you make bread, cut a deep X in the dough, drizzle with evoo and fresh herbs, and bake in a Dutch oven. You will not regret it. Thank you.

1. I'm messy. Really, really messy. I do ok until something happens - usually a mad search for a specific article of clothing - and then it is Hurricane Allison. I lose it. All I want to do it tiptoe around the piles of stuff, crawl into the one free chair, curl up, and suck my thumb. I am still suffering from C.H.A.O.S., big time. (That's Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). People are always suprised to learn this as I have lovely modified Type A personality, a sterile and totally organized work area, and a penchant for cleaning and organizing other people's environments. I'm tempted to find My Root for this problem, partially because I'm a "why" person and partially because all that Rootin' around will let me avoid cleaning for a little while longer...

2. I am embarrassed and a little ashamed to say that I have developed a strong addiction to the ridiculousness that is Jersey Shore. Thank you, Hulu, for such fine programming available at my convenience. Snooki and I are actually quite similar: short, long dark hair...well, that's where the similarities end, actually. I'd still like to have a little pet Snooki, though.

3. If I ever have a girl, she's being homeschooled until age 40. Boys will throw down and get over it. Girls are a million times worse.

4. I watched Julie & Julia around Christmas. I had no clue Julia was such an interesting person with such an interesting life! I bet we would have been good friends. A very dear friend of mine also watched the movie and also felt the same way. While I wish I had that wonderful, warbly voice and leave it at that - I don't much care for French food or butter - my friend is obsessed with (1) learning to de-bone a duck and (2) making beef borgonone. Neither of us is quite sure how to pronounce the latter, but I do love pot roast...which is saying a little something something as I rarely eat meat. I had the great joy of helping her select a large dutch oven last night and will hopefully have the great joy of trying out a special bread recipe in it!

5. Speaking of foodery, I've been making dog food from scratch for about a month and rather enjoying it. It all started when I ran out of their food over the holidays and didn't feel like driving in the cold weather uphill both ways in the snow to the only pet store in a 20-mile radius that sells our brand. The plus is that I know they're eating well. The minus is that they love it so much that I caught Jack trying to open up the fridge.

6. Coco'nut had a birthday. Like Jack, she is also ten years old. She spends most of the winter miserable and huddled under a blanket, but I did pull her out for a play date.


7. Hope your week is off to a good start!

Ok, so I have a few not-yet-completed drafts on frugality in travel, clothing, pet care etc. but it has been a very hectic few days of deciding to change my Thanksgiving plans, arranging for dog care, scrubbing my house so my dog sitter doesn't realize think I'm a filthy slob, packing in secret so the dogs don't see the luggage, making my train, and...I'm tired and my brain is fuzzy. The tired, fuzzy feeling may or may not be related to the fact that last night I ate lots and lots of the best Indian food I have ever had and/or the fact that I got talked out of water with lemon and into a vodka and soda. Or two.

But I'm going somewhere so exciting today, and I think the camera can come along. It's wet. It's a little geeky. And some of the stuff there could kill you 'til you die with venom or teeth, some of it will do it with utter ridiculous heart-melting cuteness. Any guesses?

On Thursday, I get to hold a baby girl. I may or may not return her to her parents.

Then somewhere nice and tranquil on Friday. Ever see that Simpson's episode where Marge and Homer go to a fancypants gala and Marge makes Homer promise he will stay away from the donkey because Homer + donkey = trouble?

I have a donkey. And poor impulse control.

I have a dear, lovely, kind-hearted friend with just a bit of a devious streak. Nothing malicious. She and her equally dear, lovely, kind-hearted sister have a tradition of going to Black Friday and instigating. I'll leave the mechanics of it up to your imagination. One sister calls it "psychological research" and the other calls it "wicked fun."

I went one year. It was wicked fun. (Maybe not "in the holiday spirit," but, honestly? You're not going to find the Chrismahanukwanzaa spirit anywhere on Friday).

But then I couldn't help notice - because I have a pronounced fetish for safety, because my parents never let me learn how to ride a bike, because ambulance-chasing puts kibble in my puppies' bowls - that, in the past 3 or so years, Black Friday has become downright dangerous and even deadly.

The "donkey" invited me this year. I was tempted. So very, very tempted. But either due to increasing maturity or simple scaredy-catness, I had to decline. Fortunately, declining that invitation meant I could trek up to my parents' frozen artic tundra of a house for the weekend. (Please note that I did not say "frozen artic tundra of a state." This is directly relevent to an upcoming post on keeping home energy costs reasonable. Thank you).

So that is my week. I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving, wherever you are and however you recognize the day. At some point I'll teach you how to make holiday travel cheap and peaceful, how I feel about skinny jeans, and the best ways to work Fido into your budget.

And - because I have a pronounced fetish for safety, because my parents never let me learn how to ride a bike, because ambulance-chasing puts kibble in my puppies' bowls - please be safe. Be sure you have a working fire-extinguisher on hand and a few working smoke/carbon monoxide detectors. Don't do anything stupid. Don't drive if you are too tired or tipsy. Wash your hands. Never leave a candle unattended. Keep your critters away from splintery turkey bones, chocolate, onions, and raisins.

I didn't see Borat or Bruno...

...but after watching this, I might just have to spend tomorrow watching both.

To my Jersey readers: skip this post

Emails between my mother and me...


Allison's mother (who has yet to understand how to compose an email in something other than all caps!)
HOPE THAT ALL IS WELL IN PA AND NJ. YOUR FATHER NOW HAS ANOTHER DOG TAG NECKLACE [Allison: "another"? I've never seen him in any necklace, ever!] AND , COMBINED WITH THE OTHERS, MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE HE COMES FROM NJ AND IS ITALIAN [Allison: My ancestry is definitely not Italian. Otherwise, I might have a bit of color to my so-white-I'm-blue skin.] WE JUST CAME FROM AN ITALIAN BBQ AT THE LAKE, FRIENDS OF DAN AND CONNIE, DAD FIT RIGHT IN. LOTS OF TANNED BOATING FOLKS, SHOW OFFS IN SKIMPY OUTFITS AND HIGH HEELS [Allison: do I want to know how my father fits right in with high heels?]... AT A BBQ AN THE LAWN AND BEACHFRONT. HARD TO WALK IN THOSE ON PAVEMENT. I GUESS THAT I SHOULD ADMIRE THE SKILL OF THOSE WHO CAN WALK ON THOSE 4 INCH PLATFORM HEELS IN SAND. [Allison: my mother always looks for the best in others. Unless they are New Jersey Italians. I think she watched too much Sopranos. Or something.] HARDLY MASAI TRIBE SNEAKERS. [Allison: my mother and I are smitten with Masai sneakers.]

GOD BLESS

LOVE, MOM



My response. Note how I am also using all caps in the hopes that she will change her ways!
SEND PICS OF HIM WITH THE DOG TAGS. YOU HAVE A CAMERA IN YOUR CELL PHONE. [My mother just got a new phone. I purposely got her the same phone I have so I can teach her how to use it. She has yet to turn on the camera my sister gave her a year ago.]


Mom's reply. (No pics, but also no all-caps.)
the new necklace is a dog tag in silver. It is also a piece of black sting ray skin, framed with silver. Wait, it gets better. There is a silver dagger, in relief, on top of the black sting ray skin, which is then framed with silver. All hanging from a thick shiny silver chain. It contrasts with the three other gold chains and pendants currently around his neck. One a gold crucifix, another a gold dollar coin.

He DID go to school in NJ for two yrs. [Allison: well, clearly, that explains why my father suddenly started wearing necklaces - plural! - 40 years after spending a few semesters in NJ.]


---
I know you all are trying to wrap your heads around all this:

1. What does a German physician in his mid-60s outfitted in multiple gold and silver chains look like?
I'm wondering that myself, actually.

2. What's with the sting ray skin? Is that some kind of surfer look?
See above. He DID go to school in CA for two years.

3. Does your mother hate Italians?
No. Most of their friends are hard-core Italians. From my very first Christmas, we join a family of four generations for the Italian Christmas Eve tradition of seven seafood dishes. My mother just finds (1) anything outside Boston proper, (2) New Jersey and Philadelphia Italian trial lawyers and (3) the home decor philosophies* of South Jersey and South Philadelphia Italians rather amusing.

* Trust me. You would, too. It took me a while, but I finally figured out that these folks put up gargoyles, door-guarding lions, and Venus de Milo statues in their yards not to be cool and ironic, but because they think it looks nice.

hit me with your best shot

I love the smell of napalm ammo in the morning.

I finally got around to joining a local gun club. The best part? These fools lovely owners and employees will let me shoot whatever I want. Well, whatever they have in stock, at least. And I have not investigated, but I'm fairly certain that, unlike New Hampshire, New Jersey does not allow clubs to hand over a machine gun to its members for kicks. I have my eye on a bear gun, but...who am I kidding? I need to seriously bump up my upper body strength to handle the kickback on one of those babies.

So for now, I am sticking with an easy Beretta 9mm.

And you know what?

Considering I haven't been shooting for a few years, I've got a decent shot.

***

Usefulness of the day: Use code PORTION at restaurant.com to get a $25 certificate for only $2. These really do work and are a great way to try out a new place. Be sure to read the conditions; some of these certificates may not be used on a Saturday night, etc.

a wine snobtastic weekend

I added the nectarines to make two girls throwing back a bottle and watching a full season of Big Love look klassy-in-a-still-life-way.

I've been drinking some really bad wine lately. My usual "try something new" strategy is to treat the shop like a bookstore and browse, taking time to chat up the owner, read labels*, and glance at the reviews. Friday night, however, I decided to deliberately pick out two bottles I would never otherwise buy.

First: One.6, marketed as a low-carb Chardonnay.

Generally, I buy wines to see how good they are. I bought One.6 - a 2003 Chardonnay - to see how bad it was. I left my unrepentant wine snob friends out of this tasting and brought in my sweet friend Marie. (I lost the tribute to her, but she's the newlywed and lucky recipient of two Snuggies). Going in to this little experiment, I was skeptical. Maybe a little too much wine snobbery has rubbed off on me, but I still retain enough basic high school chemistry. Wine is made from grapes. Grapes are a fruit. Fruit contains sugar. Sugar = carbs. To be sure, sweeter wines contain much more sugar than dry wines and dry wines are already low-carb, but still: the idea of a super low-carb wine struck me as silly as a low-dairy cheese.

It is palatable. Almost no fruit, which is kinda what happens when you have almost no residual sugars. There is a bright, citrus start and a crisp, acidic finish. Hint of oak. I really can't say anymore about it because there simply isn't anything more to say. Bland. Pedestrian. Just not very good. There are tons of great wines in One.6's $10 price range. Don't waste your money on this one.

If you want your strict low-carb diet to include alcohol, stick to zero-carb unflavored vodka or gin. If you want to keep carb counts down while enjoying wine, stick to a very dry variety. Most wines are low in carbs anyway.

And then, the red**...

Pure Merlot 2006 (Lake County, CA)

I believe that certain food or beverage labels are to be avoided, particularly those that include descriptions of what should be patently obvious. Sushi Land. Tasty Kake. Fresh Grocer. And anything with "pure" in its name. But since it is Opposite Day in these parts, Pure Merlot it was.

The first important thing to know about this bottle is not that it is a Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot blend (i.e. not pure Merlot?), but that it packs a 15.3% alcohol content. Marie calls this stuff "water" but the rest of us should take heed lest we go rear-end-over-teakettle with the first glass.

Balanced oak-fruit blend. Definitely some blackberries and black cherries and figs. Marie noted cranberries; I did not. Then again, I'd already knocked back a glass of One.6 at this point. On the spice side, lots of pepper with a little bit of chocolate and tobacco. But otherwise kinda eh. Not unpleasant, but lots to be desired.

And with that little foray, I'm done exploring for now and sticking to my regular summer Gewürztraminers, Rieslings, and Vinho Verdes. The best part about these wines? They're usually cheap (under $10) and almost always very good. Vinho Verde (Portugal, literally "green wine") is new-ish to the US, but most large stores and Trader Joe's carry it. (While I'm on the subject of Trader Joe's, I've never had anything bad there, ever. Joe has excellent taste! Is he single?)

Care to share your favorite bottles?

* Fun fact: recent studies show that women like animals on their labels, explaining the proliferation of labels with kangaroos, pigs, goats, etc. Which doesn't mean that such wines are bad - just that they have a savvy marketing team.

** Who remembers that movie where the daughter took some hallucinogen then explained to her mother that her resulting illness mixing red and white? This is one rule you might want to follow. An hour between red and white is fine, assuming you drink one glass per hour.

----------------------------
Usefulness of the day: Have tons of plastic grocery bags? Give them to a dog owner. Don't know any? Either drop them off at a shelter or the bag dispenser at a local dog park. (And before someone starts with me on the plastic bags, I am not paying $5 for 15 biodegradable doggie waste bags).

Also, Big Love is addicting. It is basically The Sopranos: just swap Jersey for Utah and mobsters for various FLDS compounds. I still steadfastly maintain that HBO should have picked up The Black Donnellys (you might still be able to watch for free here), but until that petition is met, Big Love is a fine consolation prize.

Sherry Austin and Martha Scanlan

I was on my way to pick up Jack from the groomer's this morning, deliberately taking the longest route there so I could listen to Car Talk. I caught a snippet of a song played just before a commercial and was so taken with those few lines that I scrambled to pull over and jot down the lyrics. After picking up Jack from a groomer who kindly dubbed him "our talkative one," I headed home for some Googling and discovered...Sherry Austin. Along the way I also found Martha Scanlan.

I swear, I was so meant to be a nice Southern girl.

(The song is "Hallelujah," written by Martha Scanlan and performed by Sherry Austin.)

Susan Boyle is ugly

If there is anything "ugly" about Susan Boyle, it is our reaction to her. Her story is too often prefaced with something along the lines of "it is such a surprise that something so beautiful can come from someone like that." More often than not, her voice is juxtaposed with her face and physique. Despite her bushy eyebrows*, despite her graying hair, despite her allegedly unfashionable frock, despite her lack of make-up...she can sing. Are we so dim-witted that we honestly believe that a public skill like acting or singing springs only from a slim-hipped, long-legged, pouty-lipped lass? Apparently. I've decided that America** is rapidly losing its smarts, evidenced primarily by the prevalance of kick-to-the-groin humor in movie previews, and much of the Susan Boyle chatter tends to confirm it.

And, for the record, I don't find Ms. Boyle particularly unattractive. She has a very interesting face, and interesting faces are always attractive.

Anyway.

Tanya Gold asks:

Why are we so shocked when "ugly" women can do things, rather than sitting at home weeping and wishing they were somebody else? Men are allowed to be ugly and talented. Alan Sugar looks like a burst bag of flour. Gordon Ramsay has a dried-up riverbed for a face. Justin Lee Collins looks like Cousin It from The Addams Family. Graham Norton is a baboon in mascara. I could go on. But a woman has to have the bright, empty beauty of a toy - or get off the screen. We don't want to look at you. Except on the news, where you can weep because some awful personal tragedy has befallen you.

Ms. Gold is onto something here. Unless she is pumped full of plastic and silicone and preferably shows a little bit of tanned leg, we have zero desire to see women over 35 or so on television until she hits the kindly, pleasantly plump grandmother stage. And while she is in the public view, the eye turns suddenly and intensely critical. Hillary Clinton's pantsuits. Michella Obama's arms. And remember the various cries of (of all things!) sexism when a major magazine did not Photoshop Sarah Palin's cover shot? McCain's camp knew exactly what they were doing when they picked a slim, sexy woman. Sexy enough to appeal to men, but demure enough to keep female jealousy at bay. Brilliant.

But I digress. My point is that we treat women in the public eye almost as we would a fine meal: presentation counts just as much as taste. My sincere hope for Susan Boyle is that she resists frenzied attempts to re-package her into something more pleasing to American scrutiny.

As a side note, I'm especially curious as to how we will wrestle with the sexuality of Susan Boyle. She is a virgin, she still "needs" her first kiss; no doubt we will see attempts to change than in the coming weeks. With that sassy wiggle of her hips and confidence in the face of smirks and eye-rolls, she reminds everyone that sexuality and being 47 are not mutually exclusive. How will we - who sexualize little girls up until they hit 30 or so - approach this? (And I am only half-joking when I wonder when Playboy will approach her.)

* Though I highly recommend getting one's eyebrows professionally done. It's the only treatment I do and worth every cent. Just be sure to ask around and solicit referrals from women with natural-looking brows - the over-plucked arch flatters no one.

** I'm limiting this to the American audience as that is the one with which I am most familiar.

~*~*~*~*~

Usefulness of the day: Now is a great time to buy winter gear. If you're not in the market for a warm coat yourself, remember that you can stretch your charitable dollar by stocking up on gloves, hats, and other winter items in the spring.

Picture credit.

Travel goodies

I stopped by my library for some goodies to keep me entertained during travel this weekend...

A season's worth of Fawlty Towers. Possibly the funniest show ever.

Two mysteries by Louise Penny. I'm reading the first and second books in the series on this trip. I read the third novel, The Cruelest Month, several months ago and simply could not put it down - though once I did, I hungered for more. Highly recommended, especially for those who say they do not enjoy mysteries! Beautiful writing style, memorable characters. Set in a quaint Quebec village.

A documentary on Biblical archaeology.

Ariel Custer by Grace Livingston Hill.

That should keep me occupied.

A FREE day!

Unfortunately, not free from the need to do some work. However, otherwise FREE!

Friend and I started a little game whereas we save up our coupons for free, full size products and redeem together on one day every 3 months or so. It's a fun few hours. We head to Jersey to do this. Jersey, being essentially one large strip mall, :), has every necessary store in a 5-mile radius. Here are the results:

1. 1 24-pack of Ensure. I'm not allowed half the ingredients in it, so this goes to the food pantry. This one wins the "best coupon" award.

2. 2 bags of Riceworks rice snacks. Friend's students in her home-based daycare will enjoy these.

3. 2 bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper.

4. 2 2.2lb bags of holistic dry dog food. These are for Jack. His discriminating palate requires a spoonful of "new" food stirred into his regular food. Otherwise, he gets bored with his regular food and protests eating. I tried to beat him at his own game (offer plain regular food only), but by Day 3 of no eating, I caved. This is one strong-willed dog.

5. 2 12-pack Ensure drink boxes for children. More for Friend's students.

6. 2 containers of Gain detergent.

7. 2 Napolean Perdis lip glosses. We each got to select our own color.

8. 2 containers of face cream from Origins. We're each happy with our own face creams, so these go to a women's shelter.

9. 2 containers of Aveeno face cream. See above.

10. 2 pairs of underwear and 2 small containers of lotion from Victoria's Secret, no purchase required. More for the women's shelter.

11. 2 free Suave products.

12. 2 40-count boxes of Tampax tampons. Friend and I are both very ardent supporters of the Diva Cup, so these go to the women's shelter.

13. 2 bottles fish oil supplements. Friend gave me her bottle.

14. 1 bottle Cascade rinsing agent. I've never had a need for this, but will use it.

We had to hit 3 places: one grocery store, a mall for Sephora, Origins, and Victoria's Secret, and one specialty pet boutique. At the grocery store, I redeemed a coupon code for one (of five!) free Redbox movie rentals. And we started the day with free tea and coffee from Friend's bank. Oh, and Friend had a free sandwich from Chik-fil-a. Not a bad day, eh? (And are we huge dorks or what?)

***
Tip/trick/lesson of the day: Banks have free coffee and tea! And pleasant, smiling tellers! I do all my financial stuff online, so I had no idea. Perhaps time to switch to brick-and-mortar?

A movie review and a must-read tip/trick/lesson of the day

I rarely make it to the movies. I only think of it maybe once or twice a year, and the idea of spending $20 for two people to see a movie that costs $1 to rent in a few months (gotta love Wegman's!) just seems a tad silly. If there is a way to get cheap tickets - I already know about matinees and AAA discounts - do let me know.

But Friend adores 007 movies, and was dying to see Quantum of Solace. I've seen a few Bond movies and enjoyed them. But Quantum of Solace was an abject disappointment. There were no gadgets - only lots of flashy gun-play which, frankly, I can see in just about any film and occasionally hear in Killadelphia. There was also a disturbing and totally unnecessary rape theme that presented in several scenes and in two characters. These rape scenes added nothing to the story line and just seemed totally gratuitous. Perhaps the writers were playing off the popularity of Law & Order: SVU?

On the plus side, I learned that there is a new Vin Diesel movie coming out in February 2009. I've had a bit of a tiny school-girl crush on Vin Diesel ever since I saw the original XXX. Granted, there were some rather cliched moments, but any movie that makes such great use of German heavy metal gets "two thumbs up" from me. (My musician brother is heavily into heavy metal and death metal. Much of the lyrics from popular death metal musicians are beyond Sick and Wrong - Cannibal Corpse, I am looking squarely in your direction - but I actually have an affinity for German and industrial metal. Rammstein albums nestle in with Rusted Root, the Rolling Stones, and Lou Reed. At least it forces me to keep up with my German. And the lyrics in non-death metal are much cleaner than most of the pop music on the radio. Philosophical, even.)

However...I also caught a preview for Valkyrie. I just can't take Tom Cruise seriously! Am I the only one? I suspect this is one film that would seriously test my abilty to sit through a film without poking one's neighbor and whispering snarky comments - decidedly inappropriate for a film based on an attempted assassination of Hitler.

***

Tip/trick/lesson of the day: This is a really good one! Have you visited restaurant.com? You can purchase a $25 gift certificate to many eateries for only $10. But wait! Before you even think of purchasing these certificates, subscribe to or visit couponmom.com. Mrs. Mom frequently has great coupon codes for restaurant.com. I've never paid more than $4 for $25, and last month I was able to purchase $25 for $2! Now, there are some restrictions on these certificates at certain restaurants. These restrictions are clearly stated so that there are no surprises. For some restaurants, you must spend $35 and purchase two entrees to use the $25 certificate. For others, you may not use a certificate on Saturday nights. Still a great deal, particularly if you are like me and keep your smoke detectors on their toes :)