Asking by Dan Fante

I have a pronounced NPR addiction. I heard a snippet of an interview with Dan Fante on Fresh Air this evening. This is a poem entitled Asking from his new novel, 86'd.

For years I thought that
talking to the Gods
was an exercise
done privately
under
unforgiving
distant stars
ridiculous unrequited prayer
done by staring
at old cold books
with mean small print
But then I discovered
that just
ain’t
it at all
God can be found in the ‘thank you’ voice of the guy at the counter
at the 7-11
or
the quietness of a stranger’s parking lot smile
or
the rattle of weeds across a dry summer Mojave
or
watching my untethered fingers jump jump jumping
across the keys
deep in the middle of typing three hours worth of truth
God – for me – turned out to be
a conscious choice
a self-evoked experience
just
like
love

Wherein I get my dog stoned

I've just decided I am a terrible parent.

The crating has been going ok. I crate the little one for 20 minutes before bedtime, then let her out. She no longer panics to the point of serious hyperventilation; she now only grunts and whimpers to voice her displeasure (as opposed to anxiety.)

Now, let me preface this by saying that min pins are naturally "spirited" creatures. This is a polite way to say they are "anxious" and "skittish." I've never encountered min pin who lacked this "spirited" nature. (I've met quite few; for unknown reasons, the breed is becoming quite popular. Fools.) And Coco'nut certainly fits the breed profile of naturally being anxious, nervous, and hyper-sensitive to anything that could pose a threat to her house. This includes but is not limited (not by a long shot!) to the following:

A leaf falling from tree
A blade of grass rustling in the wind
A car driving down the street
A newspaper delivery three doors down
The mailman, Girl Scouts, and other potential interlopers
Anyone whose eyes fall upon any part of the house in excess of .35 seconds


There are certain pharmaceutical products to lessen the anxiety. I picked up a box of treats laced with a "biocalm complex" and, within an hour, she was high as a kite and passed out.


I loved it.


Is that wrong?


Our nightly routine, then, has become (1) drug the dog, (2) when she is passed out, wrap her in her blankie, and (3) place her in the crate. By the time she wakes up, she is too stoned to really notice and/or care that she is in her crate. And, when she is in her crate, she can't scamper to a corner and pee on the floor.


Next on the agenda: canine Ritalin for Jack...


***
Usefulness of the day: Party at Toys R Us on Saturday, September 26 from noon to 3pm.

Prayer requests

Please pray for Annette, who was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis.

Please pray for Jill, who was very recently diagnosed with cancer.

Please pray for Raymond. He was treated for lung cancer last year and recently learned he has a brain tumor as well. Tomorrow, he is having surgery to remove a mass around his rib.

Please pray for Lisa, who recently gave birth to a healthy girl. Mom's physical health is fine, but she is traumatized to the point of flashbacks, anxiety attacks, etc. about the birth. She went from nothing to hard labor to baby in less than one hour with no time for an epidural and remains extremely traumatized by the experience of a natural birth. (Yes, I know that plenty of women have given birth naturally for...forever, and that some women even seek out a natural birth, but that is not the point here.)

***
Usefulness of the day: Party at Toys R Us on Saturday, September 26 from noon to 3pm.

September flowers

pink and purple

Anyone know what these are? They have invaded my raspberry patch. The birds are quite fond of them, which is why, despite their lucious coloring (magenta stems!), I suspect they are toxic to humans.

noctural bladder shrinkage syndrome

This little one is back.

Back to barking at anyone who dares walk past the house, stealing her brother's kibble, and...peeing.

In the time she was at "summer camp," she seemed to have forgotten that we Do Not Pee On The Living Room Floor While Everyone Else Is Asleep. For unknown reasons, her bladder becomes drastically smaller between the hours of midnight and 5am. And, for that reason, I've been stepping - barefoot - in a puddle of pee every morning. Even if she last peed at midnight, even if I remove her water bowl at 8pm, I still find puddles when I get up at 4 or 5am. And something had to be done.

I reluctantly got a crate and scooted her inside. She promptly hyperventilated until I let her out partially out of sympathy but mostly because I didn't want to listen to a hyperventilating dog all night. But, that night...no puddles! Curious as to whether 15 minutes in the crate terrified her into internalizing housebreaking 101 in the wee hours, I popped her back in the crate for 20 minutes before bedtime. Success! We're looking at the fourth consecutive puddle-free night.

My hunch is that there was some incredibly traumatic incident(s) involving a crate in her prior home. I've never seen her hyperventilate that much! So, yes, I'm evil. I force a sweet, simple-minded girl into a 20-minute panic attack every single night...

___
In other news, I drive past this sign a few times a year. I find it amusing. Finally got a picture of it.

giggle

I'm sorry, but this photo just cracked me up! It is from awkardfamilyphotos.com.

Where I am and prayer request

1. I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my mind around Jesus. I'm really, really trying, but it just doesn't make sense that someone hundreds of years ago would die for ME. I can't fathom that someone would suffer and die for someone He doesn't even know. And am I even worth saving?

2. The last words I utter before bed every night are "God, please save me." I have absolutely no clue what it means to be saved.

3. God answers prayers. I don't know why, but He does.

4. I'd like to go back to when God set bushes on fire to get your attention. That would make everything much clearer, I think.

***
Please pray for Ray! Ray was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. He was treated and did very well. Now there is a malignant tumor in his brain. This man has so much life to live and has an amazing spirit and buoyant personality. Please pray that God would heal his cancers.

eggplant

Because, really, when the light is right and the grass is soft, you simply must lie flat on your back and take from-below shots of papery purple flowers. Even if the neighbors give you odd looks.

sunday dinner, new job

Sunday meals usually consist of whatever produce I picked up at the flea market...yesterday, sweet white corn, lucious heavy mangoes, tomatoes, carrots, white peaches, strawberries, garlic, and ginger, for belly-soothing ginger tea. I always thought I didn't like corn. But then...my flea-market buddy bought a roasted ear from a vendor, doused with garlic salt and hot sauce, and munched as we wandered around the stalls. I tasted hers, spraying bits of hot corn all over my face, and high-tailed it back to that vendor.

I probably walked around the rest of the day too blissful to notice the corn stuck in my teeth.

Sunday lunch: grilled sweet white corn rubbed with pepper and garlic and salt, then topped with hot sauce. It is so good.
Fresh tomatoes.
Mango and carrots topped with my hummus.
***
New job starts tomorrow! I'll go into the details later.

Creamy cauliflower soup

Now, generally my meals are quite healthy. However, it is impossible to make a good cauliflower soup without using roux, a truly unholy blend of white flour, butter, and milk. The good news? You can get away with using just a tiny bit and if you want to up the creamy richness later, you can stir in some plain yogurt. (Of course, if you're feeling particularly naughty, you can always use sour cream.)

A good cauliflower soup also needs...

cauliflower! Grab a few - or more! - heads and roughly chop. Put 2/3 in the pot and steam the rest. We're going to puree the steamed cauliflower. Pureeing some of the cauliflower will make the soup seem creamier, which reduces the need to resort to something like, well, cream to make it creamy and rich.

Chop up some celery. I prefer smaller chunks. Use as much as you want. Toss in pot.

This is what happens when a piece of celery hits the floor and you are using a slow shutter speed. Actually, I don't even think the speed was that slow - Coco is just that fast when it comes to food.

I wish she picked up "don't pee on the bathmat even though it is sorta kinda fuzzy like the grass you're supposed to pee on" with the same speed.

Back to the soup. Same goes for the carrots. I used 2-3lbs carrots for a soup using 8 good-sized heads of cauliflower. I grated half of them, got bored, and diced the rest. Toss in pot.

Onions: dice, toss. Please do not skimp on the onions! If cooking for people who claim to dislike onions, just puree. They will never know.

Fill that pot either with chicken stock, veggie stock, water, or a water/stock mix. I make my own base using water, Bragg's, and a little fresh lemon juice. I can't see beef stock working here, especially as we'll be adding in plenty of dry white wine later. Personally, I don't use stock for most of my soups. I get tons of flavor from herbs, spices, and garlic, and most stocks add too much salt. But if you prefer stock, go right ahead!

Let the veggies simmer. Then go pull out a small pot or saucepan for the roux. Toss in one stick of real butter - not the "smart" butter with olive oil - and let it melt using a lower heat.

When the is butter melted, pour in 2 cups milk.

I use real, skim milk, though any real milk will do. Please do not use almond or soy milk. Thank you.

Go pull out some white flour.

After the flour incident, I've taken to storing my flour in glass jars.
(5lbs of flour licked into a cloth couch taught me that much.)

Stir 6 tablespoons flour into the milk/butter liquid using a whisk and low heat. Turn off and set aside. Now, that is a fair amount of roux. I used this amount of roux for 2+ gallons of soup; most recipes instruct to use this same amount for a much smaller batch (4-8 servings, depending on the cookbook.) If you're unsure how much roux you want in your soup - and bear in mind you will need some - stir in a little at a time. It's rich stuff!

As an aside...it is vitally important that you first melt the butter, then add the milk, and then add the flour only when the butter is melted and the milk/butter mixture is nice and warm. If you do it all at once, you will end up with this:

Ick.

Not too icky for the dogs, though. When I cook, I have a special dog pot into which goes veggie ends and anything that fell on the floor...and just a little solid roux.

I told Coco that yappy little minpins go into the soup pot, too.

Now, go peel some garlic - lots of it. Or find all this pre-peeled garlic at your flea market for $1. Whatever floats your boat. I recommend the flea market way. Do not skimp on the garlic!

I think I should rename this blog "do not skimp on the garlic!"

Save some for just before serving, too.

Remember the cauliflower that we set aside to be steamed and then pureed? Go puree that cauliflower with the garlic. You will need to add in about 1/3 of the roux so the food processor can do its job. Pour that wonderful blend of cauliflower, garlic, and roux into the soup.

Now, the wine. I love to cook with wine.

Sometimes, I even put it in the food.

I sent a friend out for a bottle of Chardonnay. She returned with a magnum of Pinot Grigio. Either is fine - just use a dry white, please. Add to taste. Even if you're making a batch as large as I am, you do not need anywhere near an entire magnum of wine. Goodness gracious. For a standard batch, 4-6 servings, use about a cup.

Now, while all that is simmering, let me tell you about this beer since we're already on the topic of alcohol.

Or at least I am.

Golden Monkey by Victory.

I was at dinner with a friend last week and he ordered a bottle of this. It came in a small glass and I joked that our waitress decided he couldn't handle, you know, a full bottle. As it turns out, Philadelphia is not allowed to serve a full bottle of Golden Monkey due to its absurdly high - nearly 10% - alcohol content. That aside, it has a wonderfully spicy finish and I - usually not a beer-drinker - give it my wholehearted endorsement. The problem is that all the spice totally masks the high alcohol content...so be careful. After all, most of us don't check the alcohol content before imbibing. Beware the Golden Monkey!

Hic.

The friend who came over for dinner, who picked up the Pinot Grigio, also picked up some Golden Monkey...which may or may not have resulted in one of my guests fishing out Coco's white eyelet dress and doing this:

Where were we?

Oh. Yes. Soup. Back to that.

Go add in at least some parsley and black pepper. I also add in a healthy amount of Bragg's and a little oregano. If you used stock, be very sure to taste before adding anything salty; most canned stock has lots of sodium. If you're tasting and tasting and can't figure out what it needs, consider adding in more pressed garlic or Bragg's (or soy sauce, or salt.) I generally add in a healthy amount of freshly pressed raw garlic right towards the end. Gives it a little extra somethin' somethin'.

The somethin' somethin' makes all the difference.

This is what you will have at the end. It is so good. It is everything a soup should be: rich and chunky and creamy and flavorful and fresh and comforting and savory and soothing and...and...just perfect. It makes me swoon.

I *was* going to post another soup recipe today...

...but instead, let's talk about rape. Sorry.

There is a woman in PA accused of raping a man and, in the course of that alleged rape, burning his genitals with a curling iron.

Evidently, NBC10 finds an alleged rape involving a hot curling iron and the genitals amusing.

"We smell a Lifetime original with a Jerry Lewis theme song, "Great Balls of Fire."

Anyone laughing?

I had no idea that rape and torture was so funny. Or that it came with a theme song.

Spicy black bean soup

This soup is extremely filling; it should be because it is basically pureed black beans plus onions, tomatoes, peppers, garlic, and hot sauce. I'll sometimes stir in some yogurt (or sour cream) at the end for a creamier soup. If you want to feel like you're eating meat, top with bacon just before serving.

Oh, and a word on quantities: I rarely measure. I don't think exact measurements are necessary for the vast majority of dishes. And I will not give exact measurements here for two reasons. First, I almost always make very large batches and I recognize that not all of you cook with the goal of having one meal tonight and then a dozen for the freezer. Second, I am well aware that I have strong and peculiar tastes. Thus, I will simply rattle off the ingredients and assume that you will add in whatever quantity you please.

For this thick, hearty stew, you will need:
black beans, pureed
onions
garlic
hot sauce
crushed or diced tomatoes
your own preferred seasonings...I use Bragg's and black pepper.
optional: carrots, peppers, jalapenos, salt, oregano, shredded cheese, bacon, yogurt/sour cream.

If you are using dry beans, put them in the food processor when they are nice and soft. If you are using canned, please rinse well before transferring to a food processor.

Be sure to ladle in the bean water if you used dry beans. After processing, return to pot.

I made the most recent batch with a lot of chopped carrots, and prefer it to the carrotless-version. I think I used 3lbs dry beans and 3-4lbs carrots. Please pretend I took a photo of those carrots. Thank you.

Then, go shut all the curtains in your kitchen save one, and take weird close-ups of your big white onions.

Now, I prefer chunks of onions in my soup, but you could also give the onions a whirl in the food processor before adding to the pot.

There is really no need to use fresh tomatoes in this soup. A can or two of crushed or diced tomatoes is fine. Add the tomoatoes before adding in any salty seasonings; most canned tomatoes already contain salt.
If you can handle it, finely dice up some jalapenos, too. Most of the heat is in the seeds, so omit or retain according to your sadistic pleasure preference. Finely dice or process.

While you're adding things to the pot, round up some garlic, peel, roughly chop, and add as much of it to the soup as your little heart desires. Always reserve plenty of garlic for the end, though, because adding raw garlic will make your soup bowls sing.

You know what else will make your soup bowls sing?

Hot sauce! I used 3/4 cup for 3lbs dry beans. Pansies, sissies, girly men those who prefer less hot stuff can use less. But please, please, please do not omit it entirely. That goes especially for all of you who think, "I don't like hot sauce." Trust me. I used to be one of those people. This soup needs hot sauce! It begs for it. On its knees. So don't skip the hot sauce!

Now, stir everything together and let it simmer down. Taste regularly and add whatever you think needs adding. I use Bragg's and black pepper. If you went overboard with the hot sauce and jalapenos, just stir in plain yogurt or sour cream towards the end: dairy will cut the heat.

Once the soup is nicely simmered, it is ready...but here are some add-ins and add-ons. It is perfectly lovely just plain (it's how I eat it), but, well, sometimes people feel deprived of something if just handed a simple bowl of bean soup. You know how you walk around all day feeling deprived of something if you had to start your morning with a cold shower because you haven't gotten around to buying a water heater yet? That kind of deprived.

Can you tell I'm living in the middle of construction?

Put a spoonful or two of plain yogurt in the soup bowl. If you want to be really decadant, make it a generous helping of sour cream.

Stir it all together, slowly, as it melts.
Another option: sprinkling in shredded cheese just prior to serving. I'm using Parmesan here, but I imagine a cheddar would be good, too.

Now, this is totally optional but recommended if you are making this for someone who expects meat on his plate. Bowl. Whatever. Not tempeh, not seasoned tofu, not Quorn, not even Boca "meat", but real, honest, from-an-actual-animal meat.

You know, the kind that turns a dog's eyes dark and somber and wistful. The kind that turns the floor beneath such a dog...slick.

Fry it up, then crumble into smaller chunks. I used about 3 slices per bowl for my carnivorous weekend guests and they were quite happy.

Oh, and this is an especially good soup for tomato-based leftovers like a half-empty jar of salsa. Really, you could also sneak that lone pepper or ear of corn. I haven't tried, but I imagine you could also use up hamburger meat, too. Trust me: you can hide diverse items in a thick, dark, opaque soup.

mwahaha