1. I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my mind around Jesus. I'm really, really trying, but it just doesn't make sense that someone hundreds of years ago would die for ME. I can't fathom that someone would suffer and die for someone He doesn't even know. And am I even worth saving?
2. The last words I utter before bed every night are "God, please save me." I have absolutely no clue what it means to be saved.
3. God answers prayers. I don't know why, but He does.
4. I'd like to go back to when God set bushes on fire to get your attention. That would make everything much clearer, I think.
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Please pray for Ray! Ray was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. He was treated and did very well. Now there is a malignant tumor in his brain. This man has so much life to live and has an amazing spirit and buoyant personality. Please pray that God would heal his cancers.
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5 comments:
Praying an *amazing* change in Ray's life... and yours. I wish I could look right in your heart and tell you what you need to hear right now. But what I honestly think? Is that Jesus answers prayer, and if you prayed, that's all there is to it. :]
I'm thinking He knows you pretty well.
Allison, though I am a "Non-Believer", one fundemental thought is universal; Live this Life as the best you can be and treat others the way you want to be treated.
I will send positive energy to your friend, Ray, and hope he makes a spectacular recovery. With friends like you, he's already won.
Allison, I was raised from diapers in an independent, fundamental, Bible believing church. It used to put me on my knees, sobbing with no words when our preacher would tell us about how God sent His only Son to die for us sinners because we'd made wrong choices and we'd turned our backs on God.
It's a concept none of us will ever be able to comprehend. When I got older and away from the church, I spend many nights wondering why God, who is the Creator of every single living thing in this Universe (He even created the Devil) would allow for such a thing as a sin nature in the first place? What was it in His creation of every single thing that dissatisfied Him that He felt the need to allow Lucifer to fall in the first place and place him at odds with God? Who set the game up and offered the wager of who could bring the most humans on to their side?
I realize I'm treading on blashphemous grounds here, but seriously--this keeps me awake at night. It made me question every single thing I'd ever been taught. God is the Beginning and is the End. He created us, we didn't ask to be here. He and the Devil are playing a game with us as the pawns. God had no reason to give us sin natures, he had no reason to create a rival. He had no reason to create a Son that would have to come to Earth to suffer and be murdered, to save us. God had the control from the very first utterance of life to dust.
But, I still believe. After all of this, I still believe. I get angry and I question it, my faith wavers and I am scared to death of what I'll hear at the end of my life. It just angers me that all those people who are in hell right now, and those that will no doubt go today and tomorrow, didn't have to come to that end.
Um, OK. I think Jesus knows all about it though & he's the one you need to discuss this with. Spirtual growth, like any other type of growth though, takes time.
But Jesus does know you! That's part of the whole God thing. But I do understand the incredulity that someone would DIE for you. It does seem pretty wild and crazy to go through torture and suffering for the salvation of humanity.
My favorite hymn is "Just As I Am." The third verse is the one that really speaks to me:
Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fightings within and fears without
Oh Lamb of God, I come. I come.
A lot of Christians out there will make it sound as if you're horrible if you have doubts or have difficulty wrapping your mind around certain aspects of Christianity. But personally, I think a faith examined and worked through in spite of finding things, at times, unfathomable, is what actually strengthens faith.
I really admire your honesty in these posts, especially in light of the fact that there are a lot of seemingly Super Christian blogs out there that border on judgemental and would likely have a problem with this. I much prefer honest truth to prettified pseudo-perfection.
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