Porn for carboholics

A/k/a roasted garlic bread with parmesan.

Really, this is just a dreadfully raunchy bread. It is so filthy and base that my weekend guests didn't notice until after the meal that they had burned their greedy little fingers tearing off steaming hunks of bread, straight from the oven. The key to making a bread that will leave your guests blissfully unaware of the crumbs on their faces is to not skimp on the garlic or the parmesan. There is a time for healthful eating, and a time for food porn. This is the eXXXplicit, delicious latter.

Also, a note about equipment: I only use my loaf pan for dense, moist, sweet breads like banana bread. For all other breads, I prefer the more rustic look of bread baked on a pan. Also, using a pan makes for more top surface area thereby allowing more of the dough to be topped with shreded Parmesan.

Ready? Let's get naughty, baby.

Stage I: Roasting the garlic

You will need three bulbs of garlic. Larger ones, please.

Snuggle them together on a sheet of tinfoil. There are some adorable litte terracotta garlic roasters on the market, but if you (1) don't have one or (2) haven't unpacked yours yet, don't fret. Tinfoil works perfectly fine. And, really, unless I'm already firing up the oven, I just use tinfoil and the toaster oven.

Drizzle with olive oil.
Don't be shy with the olive oil. Pop the garlic in the oven around 360 for about an hour.
Let the garlic cool, then break it apart and peel off the skin of each clove. The cooked cloves should be soft and squishy. Collect on plate and set aside.

Stage II: making the bread

To 1/2 cup warm water (not hot, not cold - this is important), add 1 packet of yeast plus 1 tablespoon sugar.

You can use white or brown sugar, honey, or maple syrup. Whatever you use, you must use some kind of real sweetener to feed those hungry hungry yeast cells. Give the mixture a gentle stir or two, then set it aside for a few moments while you make the rest of the dough.
By the time we add the yeast mixture to the dry ingredients, it will be a little bubbly and chunky.
Measure 3 cups of flour into a mixing bowl. I'm so, so sorry, but you really must use white flour for this.
Add 1 tablespoon Bragg's liquid aminos. Most bread recipes will tell you to add salt, and, well, that will have to do if you don't have any Bragg's on hand. The best way I can describe the stuff is a sort of soy sauce. I use it in place of salt in just about everything - bread, soups, sprinkled over egg whites, etc. It imparts a wonderfully deep, savory flavor. As an added benefit, using Bragg's will make you "ageless," according to Patricia Bragg.
Add in 1 tablespoon olive oil.

Remember how we used 1/2 cup warm water for the yeast? Most bread recipes say to use 1 cup water: 1/2 cup for the yeast, then 1/2 cup to add to the flour. But water is boring, isn't it? Thus, in the interests of keeping everything sexy, you have my express permission to use 1/2 cup of any liquid (or semi-liquid) you like: milk, buttermilk, yogurt, sour cream...anything that catches your fancy. ETA: cottage cheese works, too! Now, up until I went through my photos, I thought I grabbed plain yogurt.
Pour in your 1/2 cup of whatever-liquid-you-like.
"Gosh, Allison, that looks like more than 1/2 cup."
Yes, yes it is. Instead of 1/2 cup plain yogurt, I accidentally added in 1+ cup of vanilla. Not a problem; I just stirred in more flour. (And no vanilla taste to the final product.)
Add in the yeast mixture. Mix it all together for a minute or so, then knead for about 10 minutes. I do the kneading before adding in the garlic and cheese; kneading has a way of expelling all the garlicky, cheesy goodness we want in the dough.

Now, add the roasted garlic. Mix. Optional: add in 1-3 tablespoons freshly pressed raw garlic. If you do this, do not let me catch you using jarred minced garlic. That stuff is an abomination. Really, Cheez Whiz is far closer to good Vermont cheddar than jarred garlic is to fresh.

Then, because...well, just because, go ahead and pour in 1 cup shredded parmesan. If you "accidentally" make it more like 1 heaping cup, that's ok. Our secret. Mix.

Stage III: Rising and baking

Pour a tablespoon olive oil in a clean bowl and roll the dough ball arount in it. Cover, place in a warm area, and let rise for at least 2 hours. Punch it down and let it rise for another 30 minutes.

Transfer to a pan and let rise for another 20 minutes or so while the oven heats to 375. Sprinkle with Parmesan. And then, when the bread is nearly done baking, sprinkle more Parmesan on top.

Stage IV: nomming

Enjoy it warm from the oven. Dip in olive oil and, if you want to just be totally sick and wrong, top with a little more Parmesan.

This is really, really, really good. Good enough that my weekend guests - usually polite, timid people - just tore into it before I could cut it into proper slices or even get it onto a a serving plate. Just, please: (1) do not skimp on the garlic and (2) do not skimp on the Parmesan and (3) do not weigh yourself the next day.

Ingredients

3 good-sized bulbs of garlic for roasting (optional: more garlic to be pressed and added raw to dough.)
Olive oil for roasting garlic, dough, mixing bowl, and dipping
3 cups white flour, plus more if needed
1 packet yeast
1 tablespoon white/brown sugar, honey, or maple syrup
1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup other liquid (water, milk, buttermilk, yogurt, cottage cheese.)
1 tablespoon Bragg's liquid aminos or table salt
At least 1 cup shredded Parmesan for dough, plus another 1/2 cup for sprinkling on top (optional: more Parmesan!)

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