cardiologist-on-speed-dial mac & cheese

I made this for a friend last week. She will have none of that homemade whole-wheat pasta, soy cheese, and olive oil foolishness...nothing but real cream, butter, and white flour, please.

Start a pot of water and, when it is at a full, rolling, angry boil, add in 1lb pasta.

I'm using shells - I reasoned they would hold the sauce better. See how they are shaped like little cups just begging to be filled with savory goodness? And, because I'm making the sauce nice and chunky, I chose shells over penne.
Only let the pasta boil for a minute or two! It will be baked later. Drain and set aside.

Find yourself 18oz of sharp cheddar cheese.

Cut it into cubes and add to a large pot.
Do the same thing with a stick of butter. Unsalted - cheddar is salty enough!

Whoops! Wrong aperature. But great shot of my curtains.
That's better.

Cheddar, butter. Butter, cheddar.

Take a pint of evil, sinful, decadent heavy cream and...

pour over the cheese and butter. Turn the burner on very low and be sure to stir as often as you can think of it.

While that is all melting together, grab and onion and chop it however you please. I like decent-sized chunks. Not on my hips, but in just about everything else. Add the onion and a jar of salsa to the cheese mix. Salsa is optional, but it really adds a nice kick. Pour in 1 tablespoon Bragg's Liquid Aminos. If you use salt instead of Bragg's, I strongly advise against adding anything but a tiny pinch, if any - the cheddar is salty enough.

Bragg's is amazing, versatile stuff. You can find it in the natural foods section of a well-stocked grocery store. A 32oz bottle runs $6-$8 around me, and a little goes a long way. Free samples here. No, I don't work for them or own any of their stock. Frankly, I suspect Patricia Bragg is a little kooky. But that's ok. (She is really into John 3:16, too.)

When it is all nice and melty and blendy, this is what you will have:

Oh...my.

Now, remember the drained pasta? Grab it and add to the big pot o'cheese. Mix. You could eat it as is, but you can also bake it. Usually, I spread in a thin layer over a baking sheet, but this time I used a deeper pan as I had to transport it.

Top with chopped green onions and then a handful of seasoned breadcrumbs (I use "spicy hot" breadcrumbs.)

Finally, sprinkle the top with handful of shredded cheddar.
Bake until the top is nice and bubbly.

Um, and then go hop on the treadmill for 2.4 hours for every spoonful.

Edited to add: Be sure to stir a little freshly pressed raw garlic into the mixture, too.

I'm-a-gonna-die recipe:

1 lb pasta

18 oz sharp cheddar, reserving a handful to shred and sprinkle on top

4 oz unsalted butter

1 pt heavy cream

1 large onion

8-12 oz salsa

2-3 cloves garlic

1 tablespoon Bragg's Liquid Aminos (or 1 tablespoon soy sauce)

Seasoned breadcrumbs

Green onions/leeks/chives

Healthier version:

Whole wheat or gluten-free pasta

Cheddar (real or fake)

Replace butter with a blend of olive oil and mashed avocado

Replace cream with skim milk, soy milk, plain yogurt, or a combination of milk and yogurt

Onion

Salsa

Green onions/leeks/chives

Garlic

Bragg's

No breadcrumbs

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Usefulness of the day: Add a little white vinegar to cut flowers to make them last longer.